Life As We Know It
by Mileycfan4eva
Summary: Life as they know it is about to change for Nathan, Brooke, Haley, Quinn and Peyton. Why and How do they respond? Naley/ Eventually Breyton.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** **Life as We Know It**

 **Location: Tree Hill High School**

 **North Carolina Sophomore Year**

 **Friday February 1st 2003**

 **P O V: Brooke**

" _Bevin You're Extensions are horrid!_

" _Theresa Arms higher! Allison Turn outs!_

" _Ladies get it together this is not a birthday party for a five year old Look alive damn it!"_

I know a lot of people looking at this from an outsiders point of view would call me a total bitch. Sadly I don't give a damn their point of views are irrelevant to me. They obliviously have no idea what it takes to be in charge of twenty seven high school cheerleaders who are on roads to nationals.

" _You want to win don't you?"_

My eyes locked with every single member of my team. Theresa King 15, Allison Haven 16, Brittany Reynolds 15, Bevin Mirskey 15, Santana Rivera 17, Ashley Gull 15, Taylor James 18, Mandy Bijoux 16, Sandy Chen 15, Milka and Mercedes Jones 16, Bobby Jo Jarrod 17, Quinn Alexandra James 17, Hayden Patterson 18, Emily Chippewa 17, Samantha Waters 17, Jordan Dasher 15, Rustic Leah Abe 15, Amaryllis Leighton 16, Clover Shay 16, Daisy Dakota Jackson 16, Delaney and Cash Williams 15, Cole Austin 16, Gage Rochelle 16, Kaine O'Ryan 17 and finally my best friend/ Co- Captain Peyton Sawyer 15 who grinned at me. No one dared to speak up against me instead they all yelled.

" _Win bitch!"_

Clapping my hands I yelled out " _Than what do we need to do bitches?"_ They were all quick to yell back. _"Work bitch!" "Correct now twenty laps!"_ Everyone groaned as we started the laps but I saw the smiles some of the girls had on their faces as they swayed their hips winking at the boys basketball team as we did our laps of course the boys noticed. Some whistled or made cat like calls.

Once we had finished with the laps I allowed the girls a five minute water break I know I was pushing them hard. I felt the burn myself my chest was on fire I couldn't seem to catch my breath I was sweating. There was a sharp pain in my upper left side. " _Achoo!" "Bless you bitch"_ Smiling slightly at Peyton as I gulped my water I started to say thank you but was overcome with a wave of sneezes followed by a spasm of coughs. Peyton gave me a worried look as I blew my nose feeling slightly feverish. When was this stupid cold going to go away it's been two weeks already.

" _Enough slacking ladies back to work bitches"_

" _Uh you're such a slave driver Brooke Davis"_ The snide comment came from Taylor who I stepped to instantly. " _Got a problem James?" "Yeah bitch I do it's you"_ Her hands made contact with my chest shoving me with such force I lost my balance.

I quickly got up grabbing her hair throwing her to the ground as all the team started chanting " _Fight! Fight!"_ The boys stopped playing rushing over even those from the bleachers rushed over as I approached Taylor.

" _Bitch ain't no one forcing you're lazy fat ass to be here if you don't want to be here there's the exit leave"_ Taylor jumped up going after me she didn't scare me though not when I had my whole team behind me including her sister Quinn who stood on my left side with Peyton on my right. " _You're unreasonable Brooke we're not all Elite cheerleaders some of us just want to be here for the cute boys we're not here to kill ourselves"_

" _This is not a strip club Taylor we don't have time to_ _impress_ _the boys we_ _'_ _re here to win a competition/_ _support our basketball team_ _so either your here to work or get the hell out of my gym"_

" _Your gym oh my god you are delusional and such an ego manic you actual think it's your gym your squad bitch you ain't nothing but an over zealous slut who slept her way up, the only reason your head cheerleader is because you slept with every guy on the team and the cheer captain last year Morgan, I mean we know you like it both ways whore but don't get it twisted and think you have actual talent cause you don't. Your just an easy lay"_

My anger was at all time high I wanted to knock this bitch out so damn bad my fists were hurting from being clenched. I couldn't though I knew I had to control myself taking deep breaths. I felt the color flooding my face making me slightly dizzy.

" _I'm working you all hard because I know how amazingly talented you all are, I also know that like myself and Quinn some of you want to make cheer or dance as your career. Tonights game won't just be the opening for the_ _R_ _avens meaning scouts from all colleges, NBA draft pickers will be here it also will have a scout from NYC here with a dance scholarship for a summer camp in NYC"_

Gasps filled the room seconds later the girls started squealing talking happily Taylor rolled her eyes. " _Ladies"_ I clapped _"I wasn't suppose to say anything Coach Ally will kill me now but this is important not just because of that but because our boys quite frankly suck ass they need our support and love"_

" _How can we love them Brooke there's no room they already love themselves enough"_ That comment which made all of us laugh came from Quinn who slapped my ass. " _Listen up ladies Brooke is head bitch for a reason she knows her shit she's lead us at Elite Intensity Dance and_ _C_ _heer to Seven National And State titles so shut up suck it up get in position or leave Taylor"_

" _What is your problem anyway Taylor why are you being an even bigger bitch then normal?"_

Quinn stepped towards Taylor hands up as if she was saying explain or shut it. Taylor eyed the bleachers where their younger sister Haley Bob James 15 sat with her best friend Lucas Scott.

" _Why am I a bigger bitch today?"_ She was right in front of Quinn now their eyes locked " _Because do you remember what today is?"_ Quinn stared at her blankly Peyton looked to me, I shrugged having no clue. "Suddenly Taylor was attacking me again. I was caught off guard as her foot tripped me my face slamming into the hard wood floor. A commotion rung out as hands were all over us Taylor was screaming as her foot connected with my stomach. Peyton helped me up as I lost control leaping for Taylor being held back by Peyton and Gage. " _I'm a bitch Quinn because today is Haley's birthday do you remember what happened on her 13_ _th_ _birthday?"_ Quinn sighed looking to Haley who looked embarrassed.

I sighed seriously they were still on this shit? Turning to me Quinn shock her head mouthing she was sorry.

" _Maybe you just don't care that this bitch took Haley's most prized possession her guitar_ _hung it up the flag pole with the words loser on it, Haley was the laughing stock of the whole school the girls spit at her hit her threw her in a trash bin, they started nasty rumors about her. She came home crying her eyes out!"_

" _Taylor let it go it was three years ago"_

" _Let it go Quinn are you serious our sister tried to kill herself!"_

The whole gym gasped Haley glared at Taylor at first as everyone started whispering. This was getting out of control I was shaking inside; I had no idea it had been that bad. I felt a little shame I never wanted it to go that far, I couldn't let it show though I was head bitch for a reason. " _Taylor if that's how you feel about me fine we don't need you why don't you and loser-_ _girl_ _go cry in a corner at how far you both fell from being popular, it's ashame one of you-_ My eyes flickered between the both of them _had a chance at coming close to being an it girl the other"_ I laughed turning my back on them " _Bitch!"_ I heard Haley yell I heard her feet take off towards to me I spun around just in time to shove my hands out hard connecting with her upper body. She fell as everyone laughed " _When will you get it loser you are not one of us you blew that when we were 13 you'll never be one of us so get up, get over it or end it make sure you do it right this time loser"_

I saw her eyes well up as everyone laughed at her except Lucas who stepped towards me his eyes raging. " _Why are you such a bitch? Haley was your best friend we both were" "Were is the key word Lucas some of us grew up some of us moved on maybe it's time you two stop living in a fantasy world" "Maybe it's time you closed your legs and shut your mouth slut" "Jealous sweetheart cause you ain't ever gonna tap this"_ I wasn't expecting his fist to fly straight into my stomach even when I was on the ground doubled over in pain I was still in shock.

" _Asshole!"_ Nathan Scott's voice was deep in anger I looked up just in time to see Nathan attacking his half brother Lucas as I was helped up by Peyton and Quinn gasping in pain trying not to throw up. I heard the whispers the flashes of cell phones as they recorded this took pictures. Nathan punched Lucas so hard blood splattered out of his nose he fell. " _Were you raised in a barn yard? You never hit a woman"_ Coach Whitney's whistle along with Coach Ally's yells of " _Break it up zoo animals!"_ Could be heard as I was helped to my feet fighting off the waves of nausea. I couldn't believe he hit me.

The crowd was broken up as I took a few deep breaths holding my stomach as tears threatened to spill over. " _Back to work bitches"_ I croaked out gasping fighting it all off as I fell to my knees Peyton was by my side her arm over my back. " _Brooke sweetie you need to be checked out"_ Deep breaths Brooke fight through the pain pretty hurts pain makes you stronger. " _I'm fine lets do this"_ I pushed myself up letting out a shaky breath.

Bevin lifted me up high above her head so I could start the bow and arrow. I felt them shaking which didn't leave me with much confidence. " _Steady ladies I would like to live to see my 16_ _th_ _birthday next month deep breaths hold me steady. I have faith in you, I trust you trust yourselves and trust if you drop me I will end you"_ I felt them start to steady themselves as I heard Peyton talking to them. " _Each generation has their own song their own pulse their own rhythm lets show them what it means to be a_ _R_ _aven, What are ravens?"_

 _Ravens are sexy_

 _Ravens are Smart_

 _Ravens will blow your minds!_

 _Ravens fly high!_

I was thrown through the air as I extended my legs wide causing everyone in the stands to gasp and cheer. I felt my body flow perfectly as I dismounted into a double down cradle. Praying they'd catch me. Success I felt my body safety land in the arms of my three base cheerleaders Bevin, Gage, Ashley. The squad went into the next part a sexy high energy dance as myself and Quinn started from different ends with a full double back flip into a twist layout. Coming down I knew something was wrong instantly I felt waves of dizziness overcome me. " _Brooke!"_ I heard Peyton's yell but I couldn't respond the burn of the hard wood floor against my already flushed face left me speechless.

 **A/N So this will be totally different than the show but still the same characters we all know love/ hate. Time line of the show is totally irreverent to this story.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Life as We Know It**

 **February 1st**

 **P O V Peyton's**

Shock my whole body was frozen as my mouth hung open most of the team was gasping a few crying as we all watched Brooke's body fall limply to the ground. Quinn gripped my arm so hard I was sure there would be bruising. The entire gym froze in silence even the boys stopped playing.

Than all hell broke lose Coach Ally and Coach Whitney were blowing their whistles rushing over as Quinn and I suddenly became unfrozen together falling to our knees by Brooke's motionless form. Picking up her head I placed it on my lap how did I not notice how feverish she was? I spent all day with her we hug all the time we exchanges kisses. " _She's breathing Peyton than god"_ My heart squeezed at Quinn's words that hadn't even been an option for me. The thought never crossed my mind.

" _What happened Peyton?"_ Coach Ally was next to us with a blood pressure cuff, her stethoscope, my mind went blank how was I suppose to answer her? I had no idea what had happened, I felt Nathan's hand on my back as he came racing over once word had reached him it was Brooke who was on the ground. " _I'll kill Lucas if he's behind this"_ He growled into my ear I felt my skin grow prickly my blood grow cold. Could Lucas be behind this? He had punched her pretty hard. Anger boiled over how could he hit a girl? I know Karen raised him better than that. Mrs. Ally was looking at me but I had no idea.

" _Did she miss any meals today?"_

" _Was she sick?"_

" _How long has she had this fever?"_

Did she eat today? I had no idea I thought back to lunch today Bevin had been excited about her date from the night before we had all been asking questions, giving advice. Ashley and Theresa had gotten into some stupid petty fight which I ended up trying to solve. I had no idea what she had even gotten for food never mind if she ate.

" _She had a salad"_ Nathan spoke up his hand running over Brooke's face which Mrs. Ally had laid a wet cloth over her forehead. " _She barely ate it though she said she was nervous" "It's normal for her to be kind of freaking out on game day though so I didn't think anything of it"_ Mrs. Ally was taking her vitals as she looked up nodding at Nathan. " _Vitals are a little low BP is 80/40 Temp is 101.1"_

I lifted her up slowly so she was sitting up her back pressed against my breasts Nathan was speaking softly to her. " _Come on beautiful open those gorgeous hazel eyes"_ I swear those two have some sort of magical connection because her eyes fluttered open slowly. Mrs. Ally sighed in relief as she ran the cool rag over her face. " _Talk to me Captain what happened?"_ Brooke's voice was even raspier than normal. " _I'm sorry Mrs. Ally I was stressed with the competition and the scout coming I just haven't been eating or sleeping well this week"_ Mrs. Ally was sympathetic but her face harsh showing no favoritism. " _You know the rules Brooke you need to eat I don't tolerate any of my team members starving themselves or skipping meals." "I know Mrs. Ally I'm sorry"_

" _I except even more of you Davis I made you captain for a reason so get your ass up go home take some medicine get some rest and get your ass back here by 6 pm for warm ups" "Yes Ma'am" "Peyton?" 'Yes Coach Ally?" "Your her co captain it's your damn job to watch her back so start watching it"_ Mrs. Ally's eyes tore into mine I swallowed feeling slightly afraid like a puppy who just did something wrong and was excepting to get chewed out. _"I don't want her here_ _i_ _f her fever is not down and she hasn't eaten understood?" "Yes Ma'am"_

I know Brooke wanted so bad to argue but even she knows better than to challenge our coach. Nathan scooped her up carrying her like a child which I know she HATED but she kept herself in control. " _Peyton call my driver to meet us out front"_ I grabbed Nathan's phone and did as he snapped. Brooke's head fell against his chest her eyes closing.

I couldn't stop this sinking shaking fear that whatever was wrong with my best friend was more than just a little exhaustion and a few skipped meals. She looked so pale so exhausted dark circles were under her eyes. How did I not see that before?


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** **Life as We Know It**

 **P O V Brooke**

" _Mom!"_ Nathan's deep voice called out as he carried me over the threshold of his front door silence met his call out. " _Figures"_ He muttered I felt his pain I know what it's like. Nathan and I are alike in so many ways. We both grew up in the super rich neighborhood of Hill Valley where the average income is $84,301. My house is only a block away yet growing up I was never really there. I spent my whole childhood between his home and Peyton's who lives a block away the other way.

" _I can walk you know!"_

" _I know_ He laughed putting me down finally _I love watching you walk"_

" _I bet you do all the boys love watching my sexy ass walk"_

I saw Peyton walking around looking at all the pictures lining the walls I slowly walked over to her she was looking at the pictures of Nathan and I as kids one when we were in the sand at the beach having a sand fight my eyes were half closed mouth wide open in laughter as I buried him. Nathan shock his head his hand resting on my shoulder. " _You were always such a boss" "You know it"_ Another picture was a few months later on the swing Nathan and I swinging side by side holding hands as we flew. Than the pictures got older we were ten at a basketball game in uniform smiling I was sitting on his lap. My hair in pigtails god I can't believe I ever wore them.

We were 13 at a competition holding up first place trophies grinning arms wrapped around each other. Last year at our Freshman welcome dance with our dates Nathan and I were in the middle arm linked over each others dressed in our fanciest. The most embarrassing one though was the one of us as babies in the tub splashing each other I buried my head in his chest as Peyton spotted it laughing. " _Oh my god you two really were perverts from a young age!" "What no way we were kids!"_ Nathan cried out as she shoved him dissolving in laughter _"You two were totally checking each other out! Look at your eyes"_ I took a closer look holy shit was she right? Both of us were looking down I figured to dodge the water but if you looked closely it looked like we were checking each other out. We looked at each other shrugging laughing.

I couldn't catch my breath while they had calmed down my chest burned I started for the steps while Peyton fell against his chest hitting him. Oh those two crack me up they have a friends with befits relationship when their not screwing each other's brains out their screwing each other with their eyes. They've never dated it's simply sex with them that way they keep their emotions out of it.

When did I become so weak? I had to stop every few minutes going up the winding steps till I felt Nathan and Peyton swoop in behind me helping me up the last remaining steps. " _I'm fine Nate" "I know you are so fine baby girl"_ Laughing I slapped his butt as he tickled me both of us running to his room. Dizziness caused me to grab his bed, Peyton rushed over to me as I settled on his bed. Feeling another bout of weakness. " _Nathan grab some flu medicine in the cabinet it'll help with all her symptoms including her fever" "Got ya Peyton get her changed"_

" _Lift your arms Brookie"_

" _Brookie? Call me Brookie again sweetheart"_

" _I'll Brooke you with a left Brooke special"_

" _Try it bitch"_ I did as she asked she ducked though laughing mouthing lame to me as Nathan came back in with the medicine this stuff is so gross but I swallowed it. He handed me some water to wash it down. " _We haven't been to the country club in forever Nate" "Yeah I know life's been so busy it's a date this weekend Brooke now get dressed as much as I love your sexy ass body you need to rest or you'll be benched tonight and no scholarship, we both know how much you want that chance so rest"_

Nathan kissed my forehead as Peyton helped me out of my skirt trying to find some clothes for me. I was too exhausted to wait though so I just laid down naked in his bed while he turned to change.

" _Brooke!"_ Peyton called out coming over slapping my bare ass. " _What it's not_ _like_ _Nathan hasn't had my naked ass in his bed before"_ Her mouth dropped open as I winked Nathan blushed laughing.

" _Slut"_

" _Bitch"_

She covered my body as I felt sleep over come me shivering maybe I should of gotten dressed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** **Life as We Know It**

 **Song: Our Song/ Shadow**

 **Artist: Taylor Swift/ Britney Spears**

 **P O V: Brooke**

My whole body felt like it was being anchored down by a 1,000 lb weight my throat was scratchy my chest hurt. I could barely see my vision was blurry. Pull yourself together Brooke.

" _B. Davis look at me"_

Peyton was calling to me her voice was like a sweet melody, I loved when she called me by our nicknames. I wanted to always be her B. Davis. " _Come on pretty pony"_ A smile formed my lips she still remembered she use to call me her pretty pony when we were like nine because I was so obsessed with my little ponies. She use to comb my hair so it would be shiny like a sparky ponies mane she said I was buck wild and free spirited like a stallion.

" _Dance with me Pretty Pony"_

I felt her take my hand as we stepped into a beautiful paster waterfalls fell from high above into crystal clear beautiful lakes filed with swans and butterflies flying above gliding across the most perfect sunset.

" _What's this song P. Sawyer?"_

" _It's our song B. Davis"_

Our song? We had a song? I lifted my head from her chest I liked that sound our song. My lips spread out forming an even bigger smile. As she swirled me around. The fingers of her right hand grasped my waist as those on her left slide to my butt. Her lips I felt on the top of my head.

" _What is our song P. Sawyer?"_

" _I'm glad you asked Brooke"_

She dipped me spinning me Peyton is such a sexy smooth dancer even if she hates it. I know she only cheers and dances for me but she's is so amazing at it she has such natural talent. I would kill to have it and not have to work my ass off so hard just to get as amazing as I am.

" _Our song is the sound of my heart beat racing as I watch you dance_

 _Looking so damn sexy"_

" _Like what you see?"_

" _Our song is the sound of my bleeding fingertips as I work on the perfect cord for the perfect song to express my desire for a love I never thought could be"_

I stop staring into her eyes was this a dream? A nightmare? Was I going to wake up and get a bucket of cold water splashed on me? Her lips twist into a devils grin. " _I love what I see"_ Gasping out loud I slam my foot down on hers. She yelped chasing me through lush fields a butterfly flutters down gazing my check I giggle as I feel her fingers catch my sides we both fall laughing hysterically right into the river, swans scattered shrieking.

" _Our song is splashing into the river"_

" _Our song is giggling our youth away"_

" _Our song is stepping into a beautiful summers day"_

Corny totally corny yet totally blush worthy soaked panting I couldn't help wrap my arms around her neck as she laughed her breath hitting my check filling me with this unexplainable unending happiness. God damn she was so sexy so beautiful her blond curls soaked against her perfect porcine checks, her gorgeous eyes bore into mine her soft ruby lips looking so kissable. She just looked so dunk able! In one swift move I had her under she yelped however she didn't go down alone she yanked me right with her both of us laughing splashing grabbing each other.

" _Our song is making our history out of memories"_

" _Our song is being young wild crazy filled with dreams"_

" _Our song is youth naivety curiosity"_

" _Our song is growing up experiencing the seasons of life"_

" _Our song is me telling you I want to kiss you"_

I stared deep into her eyes my heart skipping beats my mouth going from dry nerves to wetness. I'm dizzy did she just say she wanted to kiss me? Grant her Brooke! She won't wait forever.

Kiss….

" _ **It's only you're shadow**_

 _ **Never yourself**_

 _ **It's only your shadow"**_

I sprung up so fast I was breathless my heart pounding vision blurred was that my ringtone going off? No it couldn't be where was I? Slowly I took it all in dark brown walls the basketball trophies. The jersey sheets my naked body was laying on. Nathan's room okay calm yourself Davis you've been here plenty of times. Where was Nathan? I felt next to me he wasn't there. Wait where was he what had happened? Did we sleep together? Why was my mind so blurry I didn't feel any pain down there.

Music where was it coming from?

" _ **Your body gives but then pulls back**_

" _ **The sun is brighter the sky is black"**_

My cell phone shit what time was it? Shaking my head I slowly got up pain hitting me with every moment. I needed energy damn it what was I thinking putting a slow song on my alarm? Britney had so many fast upbeat songs that could wake my tired slow ass up every morning instead I chose a sad depressing song. Yup that's the effect P. Sawyer had on me.

" _ **Your laughter it lingers on**_

 _ **But you you are almost gone**_

 _ **It's only your shadow never yourself"**_

There was something so haunting about her voice in this song that spoke to me on so many levels. What was she talking about? A love she could never have returned? An end of a friendship? A love she could only find in her dreams never reality?

Brooke pull yourself together your squad needs you and you need this dance scholarship you deserve this damn scholarship. Sp get your ass up shower and eat.

Easier said than done as soon as I stepped out of bed my whole body started shivering shaking spinning.

I felt the blackness coming for me again I heard myself scream but the music was so loud there was no way anyone would hear me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** **Life as We Know It**

 **P O V: Brooke**

Another fever reducer down my throat my temp was going down thank god but it still wasn't normal yet. Fluids I needed fluids. Why was my head pounding so hard? I had to impress this scout tonight. I could learn so much from these instructors in NYC. My parents would never pay for me to attend college for dance. To them it wasn't a respectable career so I had to make my own way.

I'd be lying though if I said I wasn't worried about how I was feeling I've never been sick for two weeks straight and nothing seemed to be getting better. Dark circles lined my eyes which seemed blood shot, I was paler than I should be. Had I lost weight? Stepping onto the scale in his bathroom I was shocked to see I was down 13 pounds in two weeks. Deep breath Brooke calm yourself get through tonight and go see Nathan's mom tomorrow she's a doctor she can help you.

Splashing water on my face I felt myself wake up a little. "Every Champion was once a contender that refused to give up" Keep fighting Brooke keep inspiring yourself what would Britney say? "Strength grows in the moments when you think you can't go on but keep going anyway"

Blood…...What the hell? Sweeping my hand across my face I almost threw up from fear seeing the blood seeping out of my nose. Grabbing a towel I pressed it against my face as I sank down to the floor. Three towels twenty minutes later.

By the time it stopped I felt weak shaky and sick to my stomach it took everything I had to get up crawl into the shower. It would take so much makeup to make myself look presentable your a leader though Brooke. You can do this! Thank god I keep extra razors shaving cream here the hot water caressed my skin warming me up. I pictured Peyton in here with me wrapping her arms around me kissing my neck. I found myself smiling as I ran my hands over my body washing away my sweat blood and tears.

Singing along to Britney as I showered loosened me up " _ **Every morning that I wake up knock knock on my do….**_ Ow I slipped cutting my leg with my razor okay maybe the universe was telling me I couldn't sing.

Looking in the mirror after I came out of the shower I sighed I was far form looking my best but it would have to do. Running down the steps fifteen minutes later. I ran into the kitchen grabbing an apple looking for Nathan and Peyton I yelled out " _Lets go Bitches this bitch is ready"_

" _Nathan, Peyton where are you!"_ I followed the sound of the loud music coming from the guest room barging into the room almost chocking on my apple as I heard Peyton moan seeing Nathan on top of her. Why did it feel like someone had just stabbed me in my heart, tears blurred my eyes as I heard them both scream covering up as I raced out.


	6. Chapter 6

**Title:** **Life as We Know It**

 **Song: Me Against The Music**

 **Artist: Britney Spears**

 **P O V Peyton**

God I hate cheering I hate it so much it's so stupid so pointless our team sucks ass to. I mean how hard is it to sink a big rubber ball into a net? Who cares if we cheer? No one is here for us normally their here to cheer on these guys.

One look at Brooke though all my complaints died she's my best friend my heart I would do anything for her. Even when she can't look at me like right now, I felt my face flush every-time she looked this way knowing she was seeing what can't be unseen. I know how she feels I've walked in on her having sex so many times I could make a mini bank account. It's beyond mortifying for both parties. I mean I don't mind seeing Brooke naked she's sexy as hell, but seeing her with someone inside of her that's an image I never ever want.

I couldn't take my eyes off her though as much as I was embarrassed knowing she probably felt the same. I wanted to I knew I should be paying attention to the routine as co captain that is kind of my job or at least the game which we were losing badly. I saw Nathan sweating pissed off as he received a pass from Jake Jagielski 16 from the 3 point line he easily shot the ball through the air the other teams defenses didn't stand a chance at knocking the ball out of his hand. Nathan didn't grin though he just glared at the score board pissed off. Whipping the sweat of his brow as he glanced over at us a small smile finally appeared as he blew Brooke and I a kiss. Both of us swung our hips sexy for him as the audience cheered clapped whistled howled.

Brooke was on fire dancing her heart out cheering at the top of her lungs but I knew her so well. Even with all the makeup on I could see the outlines of bruising on her legs, thighs, Stomach, Arms. Her color was horrible she was sweating worse than any of us. Was her leg still bleeding? I squinted trying to see but it was hard to tell she was farther up the court.

Shouts from the bleachers made me look up our cheer moms section Bevin's mom, Mercedes and Mikia 's mom, My birth mom Ellie all screaming out for us Daisy's mom was doing her own dance pumping her arms wild. Okay so times like this when the whole community gets together I can see why cheer is so important. It brings generation after generation together. I flashed Ellie a smile almost falling over from shock that she was there.

Brooke was by me pushing me forward damn this girl was on fire where were those scouts were they seeing her? Appreciating how amazing she is? Why did she push me? Wait what part of the routine were we at? Pay attention Peyton you are co captain.

My eyes landed on the cheer captain and co captain from the other team who were standing on our turf battling us. Now I get it they had thrown a diss so of course Brooke wouldn't back down which meant I was pulled in as well,

Brooke's hands slid over her hips and thighs god damn was she trying to kill me she was shaking her hips throwing her head back her hair flying as she leaped up her leg's extended apart so far I didn't think it was humanly possible.

Four snaps with our left hands as we shock our hips back turned to them slowly our bodies turned to our left hands sliding down our right side of our faces. Left legs bent, snap back, quick ball change as we turned around clapping in their faces, legs open in second position as we shock our hips popping our stomachs out at them knowing we had better bodies than they did. The cheers shouts and whistles from the stands told us how amazing we were looking. Jump up legs extended as we went into a series of five monkey flips, " _Ravens! Ravens!"_ the crowd was chanting with us now as Brooke and I landed in second position arms crossed up pumping up saluting them with our left sharing a quick smile as we jumped to our left.

My hand right hand grabbing hers as we brought it up in a choke hold right leg jumping up as if we were stomping them. " _Salute them bitches! Salute the ravens!"_ Came the cheers and shouts from the Ravens side. We were pumped now running back arms up getting the crowd wild. Bringing our chest forward as we yelled out " _Ravens We fly!"_

Brooke flipped front going into a series front walkovers when she came out she looked them dead in their eyes arching her body back as she did a series of pirouettes on her right leg for almost a full minute. The whole gym was now cheering for her the other team looking pissed knowing they had already lost. Brooke's fire was so hot no one could touch her than she leaped up landing in a death trap.

The place erupted into an explosive round of sound as we rushed Brooke who slowly sat up panting hard sweating as I reached down pulling her up. That smile made me melt wrapping my arms around her I cheered into her ear kissing her neck. " _Oh my god that was so hot you just slayed it B. Davis!"_

" _Make this count Ladies dinners on me!"_ Brooke called out as we stood back in our positions the game was now tied with 30 seconds left a penalty shot for the Hawks. She faced the squad her back towards the team as she clapped cheering out.

Perfection if you look it up you would see a gorgeous picture of the Tree Hill Cheerleaders right next to it.

" _Ravens let me tell you what Ravens Spirit means to me!_

 _R- Rage_

 _A-Avenge_

 _V- Victory_

 _E- Envy_

 _N-Neutralize_

 _S-Score_

" _We are the Ravens we are here to win to conquer divide neutralize Ravens!_ "

Gasps filed the air as the ball slide through the air.


	7. Chapter 7

**Title:** **Life as We Know It**

 **P O V Peyton**

" _So what time shall we head to the country club tomorrow?"_ Brooke squealed hugging me as she stripped out of her sweat soaked cheer top throwing it into her duffel bag in her locker. Squeals all around the locker room had all of us excited. Even I was happy miracles do happen " _I can't believe we won!"_ Bevin's excited voice echoed in our ears. High fiving Ashley who turned to Brooke who had stripped down to her underwear now. " _So team captain where are you taking us all to dinner?"_ Every team member started calling out suggestions. _"Franks! Chinese! Japaneses! Lorenzo's!"_ I shot Gage a look seriously Lorenzo's cost like 100 a plate I know Brooke is rich but that was rude, especially since it got everyone craving it. " _Don't argue guys pick one place that won't get me in finical trouble I have to pee badly"_

Coming back I could see something was wrong beside just the team arguing over where to go for the dinner she had promised them. Nudging her I asked her softly " _You okay sweetie?"_ Looking down she took off her panties also covered in so much sweat they acutely made a loud sound as she dropped them to the floor. Gross " _Tell me what's going on?" "Tell me the truth P. Sawyer?" "Always" "How much did I suck at this?"_ Shock filled my body for the second time in a day it's amazing how one word one look one person can cause a tidal wave of emotions. I can never get over how little Brooke thinks of herself. She projects this confident sexy bad ass bitch to everyone else. Yet inside she thinks she's worthless untalented unlovable it breaks my heart.

Grabbing her shoulders I turned her around staring into her eyes " _Brooke are you serious?_ One more look at her face told me she was in fact very serious and very worried. She was shaking badly I pulled her to me. " _Look at me" "Peyton dance means the world to me I have to get this scholarship, I know I stumbled out of that back flip" "It was one stumble Brooke I barely saw it I highly doubt anyone else saw it" "You were phenomenal sweetheart" "Are you being serious P are you just playin'?" "Baby I wouldn't play I know how important this is to you"_ She grinned throwing her arms around me laughing I kissed her forehead which is when I noticed how warm she was again and it wasn't just from the intensity of the routine or the night. 

The warm spray of the shower relaxed us both as I held her in my arms a lot of people might find this strange two teenage girls showering together but Brooke and I have always been extremely close. Were comfortable with each other we pee in front of each other, sleep in the same bed change and shower with each other it's been that way for years. She rested her head on my shoulder as I soaped up her feverish body I felt her starting to unwind.

" _Brooke where did these bruises come from?"_ they were deep purple star shaped all over her body. Her body suddenly went slack in my arms. " _BROOKE!"_ My screams echoed inside the shower walls as her body slipped from my arms hitting the floor.


	8. Chapter 8

**Title:** **Life as We Know It**

 **Song: A Chance To Dream**

 **Artist: Scott Feske**

 **P O V: Haley**

" _Thanks for helping me Lucas it means a lot"_

My best friend since I was Eight Lucas James Scott smiled as he helped me hang the poster the kids on the 13th West had made for their fellow comrade Jamie Sanderson ten who had been in the Pediatric Oncology and Hematology Intensive care unit [aka POICU] 13 East for a week with a dangerously high fever and infection. He was doing better now and able to return down to the normal Pediatric and Adolescent Oncology Hematology Unit 13 West.

" _Move it the left Lucas"_ Came the small but bossy voice of Twelve Year old Wallace Edwards who was standing near the back with 13 year old Kasey Militia and Five year old Ned Theodosia. " _Upper further"_ Kasey's input now.

" _So how was the game guys? Any action?"_

Dr. Deborah Scott came up grabbing an orange to snack on as she gave some verbal orders to one of the favorite nurses here on 13 West Bleue Bell Johanson 23. Lucas and I exchanged a few looks she had no idea what had happened at practice. If she did she would of torn into her nephew by now. I was so grateful that Lucas wanted to defend me but I was still furious he had punched a girl even if that girl was snotty over conceited bitchy Brooke Davis.

" _I hate basketball Dr. Scott so watching the Ravens get their butts handed to them for most the game was fun to me"_ Dr. Scott rolled her eyes as she ruffled my hair " _How brutal was the loss this time?"_ She eyed us as she viewed the results of someone's latest tests. Lucas and I both looked at each other before he replied " _It wasn't Your son saved the game scoring a half court shot"_ Her eyes went wide as she pumped her fist. " _That's my boy! He trains so hard his dad is just so brutal with him but he loves the sport, I always knew it would pay off, I wish I could see it"_

" _No worries Aunt Deb I'm sure Nathan had someone record it we all know how much he loves himself"_ Dr. Scott looked sadly at Lucas. _"How's your mom Lucas?"_ The mention of his mom stopped Lucas from any more negative comments. " _She's well Aunt Deb thanks for asking" "Dr. Scott!"_ Ned raced up shooting off a water gun as she looked up screaming trying to duck, all of us laughed. None of us were immune to it all the kids started aiming at us somehow they all suddenly had squirt guns. Laughter filled the halls a wonderful sound in a world that laughter often seemed to be left behind.

" _Haley sweetie"_ Bleue called out to me as we hid behind a desk taking shelter even though we were smiling. " _Yes Bleue?" "Room 1313 needs fresh water, Room 1323 is a new admission could use some TLC in the form of tunes"_

" _On it"_ I stopped looked and rolled away successfully dodging any water attacks looking back to see the kids had corned a poor elderly volunteer named Dustin who was around my granddad's age.

Making my way down to the Unit's Kitchen I filled a new cup with ice and water delivering it to room 1313 where tiny Dawn Martin lay hooked to an IV drip with a basin by her side. Her lips dry and cracked from intense Chemo treatments and the nasty side effects. " _Hey sweetie feeling pretty icky tonight?"_ She couldn't talk without risking getting sick so she simply nodded. Running my hand over her forehead my heart broke for her. I wished I could make it all go away for her but I couldn't so I held her hand and prayed with her.

My next stop was room 1323 a private room knocking before I went inside I called out who I was. " _I'm Haley James Child Life Volunteer may I enter?"_ A small but firm voice called out cheerful " _Yes"_ Using the hand foam I smiled as I went inside seeing a woman I assume to be the child's mom sitting in the reclining chair. The patient was sitting in the bed watching TV sucking on a Popsicle. " _Hi Sweetie what's your name? I'm Haley"_ She was about seven or eight with a pretty smile and sparkling blue eyes. " _I'm Penny I'm eight!" "Oh my gosh do you play guitar?" "I sure do would you like to hear something?" "Yes do you know any country songs? I love Taylor Swift and Leann Rimes!" "I do know some country songs which would you like to hear?"_ She picked a popular song which I knew well so I strummed my guitar and started to play for her.

Dr. Scott came in smiling " _Hello Penny I'm Dr. Scott do you remember me?" "Yes you're the nice lady who gave me this awesome Popsicle" "Yes"_ I left them alone to discuss whatever it is she needed to talk to their family about. My heart broke a little more knowing that whatever news Dr. Scott had to give them would forever change their lives.

" _Hey Hales"_ I jumped a little as Lucas came up tickling me " _I'm heading out Hales no offense hospitals give me the creeps. Are you still mad at me?" "A little dude that was so uncalled for I know you're heart was in the right place but a man should never hit a woman. Karen would be so mad at you, not to mention the trouble it would cause between you and Dan" "Screw Dan but I get it you're right Hales it was uncalled for but that little bitch needs to be knocked down a bit Brooke is such a…._

" _Dr. Deborah Scott to the E. R Stat Dr. Deborah Scott to the E.R stat!"_ The page sent chills running down my spine as I saw Dr. Scott rush out of the patients room. I've seen her paged before but she's never raced like she did now. " _This must be something bad"_ I whispered so I thought until Bleue came up by me softly saying " _No Stat page is ever a good page sweetie"_


	9. Chapter 9

**Title:** **Life as We Know It**

 **P O V: Dr. Deborah Scott**

I heard the page overhead as I slammed my body through the doors of the Children's E.R just as the ambulatory doors swung open. Who could it be? My mind raced I had so many patients on my service so many of them could become critical at any moment. Cold wind blasted me as I raced to meet them seeing Erin Rosco one of 23rd Street Station's Paramedics in charge sitting on the stomach of whoever this patient was, her hands working like crazy to pump air into the chest. While her partner Shay Katz squeezed the bag coming out of the young teens mouth. I saw blood coming from her leg the only way so far I could tell that my patient was female by the shaved smooth blood covered leg.

" _15 year old Female in Cardiac Arrest, fever of 105.2 convulsions, down for approximately 25 minutes classmates called 9.1.1"_

" _Trauma three lift on 3...""1..2..3"_ My team lifted her from the gurney to the bed as I pushed myself ahead gasping as my eyes focused on the face of the young women. " _Brooke!"_ Erin almost needed to breathe life back into me I felt all my air leave my body my legs start to give till I felt Dr. Melody Chase behind me " _Deb are you okay?" "This is her daughter"_ Evelyn Marcus one of the Trauma nurses in the E.R replied to her as I snapped myself out of the shock. " _BP is dropping vitals weak we need to prepare to shock"_

" _Mom!"_ my whole body turned to see the panic in my fifteen year old sons eyes he stood dripping wet in just baggy athletic shorts and a tank top his arms wrapped around his on and off again girlfriend Peyton who was barely covered in just a pair of boy shorts and a bra his jacket over her shivering wet frame. Deep breath Deb deep breath I knew they were afraid confused the mom part of me wanted to run to them comfort them assure them Brooke would be fine. One look at her though brought out the doctor in me. "C _lose the curtains I want a CBC, a chest x-ray, urine analysis, nose culture ordered, charge to 300 she's flat lining" "Clear shocking to 300" "All clear!"_ The excitement of the job usually gets me going today however seeing the young woman who I have raised as my own daughter since she was born, didn't make me excited. It made me horribly afraid Shay had said she's been down for 25 minutes at least.

Without oxygen reaching the brain irreversible damage starts to occur within the five minutes. Brain cells start to die after one minute of no oxygen. If someone isn't brought back in 15 minutes it is usually hopeless. There are cases of course rare miracles but for a child to go without oxygen it is unlikely if they did survive they'd never be the same they most likely suffer a condition called Hypoxic an injury to the brain when it goes without oxygen. " _Charge to 320 Clear!" "All clear!"_ Come on Brooke you can do this I watched teary eyed as her body jumped with the shocks delivered. Finally she gasped out her eyes rolling back. " _She's back thank god intubate her now,_ _get her on IV Saline, IV Levophed_ _get her to X-ray. I want answers I want to know how a healthy active beautiful girl goes into Cardiac arrest she was fine this morning"_

My heart had barely restarted itself now I had to go out and try to answer the million questions my son and Peyton would have but how when I had no answers myself.


	10. Chapter 10

**Title:** **Life as We Know It**

 **Saturday February Second 10 am**

 **Song: Missing You/ I Will Be There**

 **Artist: Fallout Boy/ Britney Spears**

 **P O V Peyton**

" _ **I will sing to you everyday**_

 _ **If it will take away your pain"**_

I like to think of my life as a soundtrack everyday is a new song that I get to write. Holding Brooke's hand as Dr. Scott talked to us. I sung softly in her ear her head turned towards me, eyes filled with confusion fear. I had to keep swallowing against my own fear seeing her unable to talk hooked to a tube going down her throat filled me with sickness. I couldn't let her see it though I had to be strong for her.

" _We need to do some more tests Brooke you're CBC came back abnormal You're white cell count was well over 11,000, normal white cells fall between 4,500 -10,000, You're hemoglobin is low only 9"_

Nathan was able to speak what neither Brooke and I each for our own reasons were able to say. " _What kind of tests mom?"_ Dr. Scott remained professional even when looking at Nathan and Brooke both who I knew she loved so much. I knew this had to be hard on her. I couldn't even image as my fingers traced Brooke's jawline her check my eyes locked with Ellie. She smiled sadly as she watched from the corner.

" _We're going to start with a bone marrow aspiration, a Spinal tap, a pet scan"_

" _May we go with her mom?"_

" _You may be there during the_ _aspiration_ _and the spinal tap not_ _t_ _he x-rays"_

" _I'm going to check on what's taking transportation so long. I know this is all scary guys but Brooke is my daughter in every way I will make sure she has the best care"_

" _ **Oh and I've heard you got it so bad**_

 _ **Cause I am the best you never had"**_

I stroked her hair as she laid on her right side they had given her general Anesthesia. The room is small crowded with Dr. Scott two nurses one places a paper drape over her side as she swaps chorhexidine over the iliac creast. I take her hand which she has reached out for me to take. Nathan is crunched into a corner so he is facing her eyes. He looks very uncomfortable but I guess it can't be worse than what Brooke is going through. She speaks softly her beautiful voice shaking. " _Please keep singing Pey you have a beautiful voice"_ I can never say no to Brooke she knows that esp when she gets those gorgeous hazel eyes going giving me that cute sad cat look

" _ **Sometimes before it gets better**_

 _ **The darkness gets bigger"**_

" _Ow…._ She gasps out as Dr. Scott plunges the needle into her body even though it shouldn't hurt she feels something. I want to scream and rip the needle out of her hand I see Nathan about to pounce. Before he can though Dr. Scott softly firmly asks Brooke " _Sweetie is it pain or pressure?" "Pressure I guess it hurts all the same"_ I can hear the tears clogging her throat. Gently I lean down and kiss her face. " _I'm sorry you're hurting Brooke I will do my best to get this over quickly but you will feel pressure if it's pain let me know will give you more Anestassia"_ She is so stiff Dr. Scott warned her about moving she could cause the needle to slip which could do permanent damage. Tears over flow from my eyes I hate seeing her like this, I feel her squeeze my hand as they push in further. I gently squeeze back as I keep singing.

" _ **The person you take the bullet for is behind the trigger**_

 _ **Oh were fading fast**_

 _ **I miss missing you every now and then"**_

I sing in her ear so I don't make the nurses angry or distract them it helps her to relax just a little to breathe a little easier as Nathan rubs her face her arms with one hand his other is gripping the metal so hard. I am shocked he hasn't twisted it yet. I know how powerful he can be when he is angry or upset. Sometimes I am so sore after our little friends with benefits sessions I can't move for days.

Dr. Scott shatters the peace when she twists the needle into Brooke's bone I can hear it crack the bone I feel her squeeze become more powerful as she starts to wheeze. Her face is red from holding back her screams, from unshed tears. I hear her stomach turning I know the look in her eyes she's afraid she's going to be sick I need to distract her. I start to sing Britney god I hate Britney she loves her though my voice.

" _ **When you need someone**_

 _ **You just turn around**_

 _ **And I, will be there**_

 _ **When you're feeling low**_

 _ **Baby let me know**_

 _ **And I, Will be there"**_


	11. Chapter 11

**Songs: Young/Out From Under**

 **Artists: Hollywood Undead/ Britney Spears**

 **P O V: Peyton**

" ** _We are young_**

 _ **But we have heart**_

 _ **Born into a world that is falling apart**_

 _ **We are strong!**_

 _ **We don't belong!**_

 _ **Born into this world as it falls apart"**_

I hope my love and hope squeezes through my hand passes through my heart straight into Brooke's she's curled into a ball on the stretcher as they fill the syringe with her blood. The spinal tap has got to be worse I should be fine it's just blood. Yet I am breathing heavy myself feeling my own unnatural body heat. All while trying to remain calm and cool for Brooke who looks miserable. She's crying now silent tears trying so hard not to let Nathan see but he does I know he does. He's keeping his anger in check. He's not talking just taking a damp cloth running it over her sweat soaked face.

She wasn't responding to my singing this time she always loves when I sing to her even when I sing songs she's never heard of by artists she hates she always manages to crack a joke a diss or a smile. Nothing this time she even semi likes Hollywood Undead. Maybe I should do a song by someone she really likes.

" _ **I don't wanna dream about all the things that never were**_

 _ **Maybe I can live without**_

 _ **When I'm out from under"**_

Their done now Nathan and I help his mom to turn her so she's laying on her back now she has to remain perfectly still for at least twenty minutes before they will even transport her back to her room. She's having a really hard time with all of this, I can see it in her face which is getting redder by the minute. I look to Dr. Scott who takes her temp which she declares normal. Tears have flown freely now so I wipe them away.

I can see Brooke has removed herself form all of this it's a way she copes when shit gets too stressful for her. I kiss her gently on her lips to let her know it's okay to come back as Nathan strokes her face.

" _ **I don't wanna feel the pain**_

 _ **What good will it do me now?**_

 _ **I'll get it all figured out**_

 _ **When I'm out from under**_

 _ **From under, from under, from under"**_

Everyone had left now it's just the three of us Nathan seems to be going crazy so I send him out as I kneel in front of Brooke. She turns to me crying harder " _I know it hurts sweetie but it will get easier Dr. Scott's getting you some pain medication" "Peyton"_ She croaks out weakly " _I can't move" "Baby I know it's okay it's normal it will wear off" "No Peyton you don't understand" "What baby?" I have to pee really bad"_ No one is around I swallow I can see how badly she needs to relieve herself so I put on some gloves grab the bedpan and gently help her without moving her. We won't speak of this ever again. She squeezes my hand though as she's finally able to get some peace. 

I clean her up and cover her with a blanket as I dispose of her urine the things I do for this bitch man she owes me. When I get back she's fallen asleep now I am relieved she's been in so much pain feeling so sick since she was brought in last night she hasn't slept.

Sitting next to her I take her pale sweaty hand again she's so thin how did I not see this? Tears flow down now. As I kiss her hand.

" _ **So let me go**_

 _ **Just let me fly away"**_

Fly to dreamland Brooke I stroked her hair listening to her breathing which still seems uneven to me. I wish we could all fly away none of us deserve this pain.


	12. Chapter 12

**Title:** **Life as We Know It**

 **Song: Shattered Glass**

 **Artist: Brad Paisley**

 **P O V: Ellie's**

 **February Second 2003 1:35 pm**

" _ **I can picture you the day you were born  
Baby girl in your mama's arms  
Destined for great things  
Crazy thing bout an angel like you  
All the things you know how to do  
And yet the world tries to clip your wings  
But you wouldn't let em, so baby go get em"**_

My daughter's beautiful strong voice is still lingering softly as she finishes the first verse her right hand clutches Brooke's very still hand. As Brooke slept dried tears lined her sweaty flushed face. Nate's head is resting next to Brooke his left hand resting on my daughter's lap both sitting on each side of Brooke. Their arms around Brooke's waist.

I know the pain Brooke is going to be facing when she wakes up. It's going to be cruel unforgiving I don't want Peyton to see this. Peyton is shivering which makes me look down at her barely clothed body. Getting her to leave won't be easy but she needs to get warmed up she needs food and sleep. None of which she has been getting the last few hours. She's stubborn she's scared the way she's clutching Brooke's hand it's like a lifeline.

It's been nearly fifteen hours since Brooke was brought in she's been asleep for two hours after the doctors finally finished with this round of tests.

" _ **Bust that ceiling out, the sky's the limit now**_

 _ **The world is changing fast  
Rear your head back and run  
Like you ain't ever done before  
It's your time at last  
All you've been through ain't in vain  
Come on baby make it rain down shattered glass"**_

" _Peyton we should get going sweetheart Brooke needs her rest" "She can rest perfectly fine with Nathan and I here, see she's sleeping peacefully, I'm not going anywhere till she wakes up Ellie so forget about it"_ Peyton's head lowered herself to Brooke's closing her eyes she settled closer to her.

" _Sweetheart she's in ICU she can only have one visitor for 15 minutes that nurse keeps giving us the stink eye, I'm pretty sure Nate's not going anywhere so why don't we let him have some alone time. I would really love to spend some mom and daughter time, I promise will come back as soon as you change sleep and eat. Give me an hour sweetie"_

She looked at Nate who nodded " _You look like shit Sawyer might as well" "You don't look so great either hot shot, just so you know"_ They hugged " _Keep me updated Nathan or I will kick that adorable ass of yours"_ Leaning down she kissed Brooke's face brushing a strand of hair out of her face.

Brushing past me I felt the daggers in her glare letting out a sigh I glanced back once more at Brooke. My heart went out to her but my only concern was keeping Peyton safe.


	13. Chapter 13

**Title:** **Life as We Know It**

 **Song: Welcome To My Life**

 **Artist: Simple Plan**

 **P O V: Peyton's**

" _ **Do You ever feel like breaking down?**_

 _ **Do you ever feel out of place?**_

 _ **Like somehow you don't belong?**_

 _ **And No one understands you?"**_

" _Damn it Ellie you just can't take my daughter whenever you want!"_

" _She's my daughter to!"_

" _No she's not legally I have all the say you gave her up!"_

" _I was sick back then I'm better now"_

" _You mean you're not high!"_

" _Why are you such an asshole!"_

 _ **"Are you stuck inside a world you hate?**_

 _ **Are you sick of everyone around?**_

 _ **With big fake stupid smiles**_

 _ **But deep inside your bleeding?"**_

Stepping downstairs after a restless sleep I gave up after an hour all I could think about was Brooke. Brooke's shampoo how amazing her body fit into my hands. How sexy she was when she smiled, how her eyes sparkled. How her laughter always made me smile even in my darkest moods.

How still she looked laying in that hospital bed, how her face crunched up in pain, how scared she looked. I can't believe my dad is being such a dick right now. I have every right to get to know my mom. She's my mom it's my mistake to make if things don't go as I hope.

I stand in the doorway of the living room watching as they battle neither notice me standing there. I stay motionless watching.

" _ **Time can't make this better**_

 _ **I feel so alone**_

 _ **Can't help myself**_

 _ **And no one knows"**_

" _Where do you think your going?"_

" _I'm waiting for you two to grow the hell up so Ellie and I can go"_

" _Don't talk to me that way I am your father"_

" _Oh you home this week to be a parent?"_

I know I was being a total bitch to my dad he's truly a decent man who's had a lot of pain in his life he works hard to make a good life for me. The thing is he's gone so much that honestly I don't even feel like he's a parent more like a big brother or friend that comes home just to make sure I haven't burned the house down.

" _Watch your mouth Peyton I am your father"_

" _When you feel like being one so what do I owe the pleasure? Get sea sick so you wanted to come back shore? Think you can brave this storm?"_

" _This isn't you Peyton this is all Brooke she's a bad influence on you she thinks she's so grown up she has a sassy mouth, no manners no self respect no parents she's going to get you in real trouble one day"_

" _Enough dad!" You don't know anything about Brooke, She's an amazing person she has the sweetest heart she's compassionate brave she works her ass off, she's loyal"_

" _So is a damn dog and you can train a dog hell a stray probably has less fleas than that bitch"_

I was livid now how dare he talk about her he's a grown up he's suppose to be a role model he has no right to ever talk about anyone that way. I had to get out of there before I said something I would never be able to take back. Screaming I grabbed a picture of the two of us throwing it across the room. The glass shattered. Ellie's shocked face told me I had gone too far but I didn't care I was so angry so hurt.

" _You're suppose to be my hero dad you're suppose to protect me guide me, your not there_ _y_ _ou took your pain you buried it by running away! You left me alone you left me to raise myself!_

" _I had no one here to come home to I had no one to help me with my homework, listen to me, hold me when I cried, You know who I had? Not you Not mom! I had Brooke, she was the one person who understood me accepted me loved me and encouraged me."_

 _ **"No you don't know what its like**_ _ **  
**_ _ **When nothing feels all right**_

 _ **You don't know what its like to be me"**_

" _Now she's sick really sick and she has no one there for her because shocker no parents in Tree Hill are sane enough to I don't know actually be fucking parents!"_

" _So you will_ _NOT_ _stop me while I go to the hospital and be a friend to her, I will not abandon her!"_

" _ **To be hurt, to feel lost**_ _ **  
**_ _ **To be left out in the dark**_ _ **  
**_ _ **To be kicked when you're down**_ _ **  
**_ _ **To feel like you've been pushed around**_ _ **  
**_ _ **To be on the edge of breaking down**_ _ **  
**_ _ **And no one there to save you**_ _ **  
**_ _ **No you don't know what its like**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Welcome to my life"**_

Today's music? Angst teenage rebellion? Screw authority sounds about right. I hate being a damn kid grownups act like were too stupid to know what's best for us. Like we don't know what our hearts want. He acts like I don't know who I want to be, like because my taste in music is different then his, that it's bad. He makes me feel like I am wrong, like I am a freak. Every mistake Brooke or I make he uses against me. Brooke has never stood a chance with him even when we were kids, every word she said was rude according to him. Every prank she played was a sign of immaturity not of a kid being a kid.

After awhile she stopped trying I saw how much he hurt her in her eyes she never said it she always praised him to me. She knows how much I love him look up to him, I see how it kills her that my best friend can't win my dad's approval.

I slammed the door on the way out hearing Ellie calling to me I didn't want to hear it right now, I needed to get away. Half way down the block though Ellie pulled up next to me throwing open the door.

" _Peyton I know your angry you have every right to be but he is your father he loves you being a single parent isn't easy._ _Just come with me I have a spot I think you'll love, lets talk babe"_

I got in not because I wanted to hear her out only because my bag was heavy with clothes for Brooke, makeup, hair brushes, books, CD's. Grunting I wouldn't look at her as she sped off blasting a band. Which sounded pretty dope.

" _Haven't you ever wanted to see the world Peyton?"_

" _Yeah of course Ellie I want to see everything but I'm only fifteen"_

" _Old enough to travel with a grownup what do you say don't you want to see Nashville, Music hall of fame?"_

My head perked up as she turned into a parking space was she serious?

" _What about the Fillmore? Or the great American music hall?"_

" _Ellie you know I would love to see all of them!"_

" _So lets do it"_

" _Sure school's out in a few months"_

We sat at a table as the waitress took our orders Ellie took my hands.

" _Why wait we can get your courses online, I was honor roll I can help you we can leave tonight and take our time"_

" _Tonight! I can't Brooke's sick she needs me to take our the squad she needs me there by her"_

" _Sweetheart will talk to Brooke I'm sure she will tell you to go. Peyton I have something to tell you"_


	14. Chapter 14

Title: Life as We Know It

 **February Second 5 pm**

 **P O V: Brooke**

" _Oh"_ My deep moans filled the room echoing off the walls as my eyes cracked open Nathan's hands gently held me down as he placed a wet cloth across my face arms chest. My head felt like a stampede of deers were running through it. _"That was some moan Brooke" "That's what all the boys say"_ I tried to crack a joke but every movement, every word just made the nausea and the dizziness worse. Nathan shock his head kissing my forehead " _I never want to hear that Brooke, never mind think about what you would be doing" "Do you need or want anything?"_ I pointed to the water bottle he helped sit me up. Lifted the bottle to my lips so I could drink, than applied Vaseline to my lips which were cracked and dry.

The cool liquid made my burning throat settle a little, I drank half of it before I felt my energy sap so much that I had to close my eyes. My head fell against his chest as his fingers ran circles down my back across my head luring me into a deep dreamless sleep.

There's nothing like the feeling of warm sand wrapping around your sun kissed body like a cocoon of happiness. Promising you shelter against a cold cruel winds of life. Peyton and I were nine the first time we laid down on our backs in the sand holding hands making sand angels. It was my idea to strip naked no one was on the beach it was a school day. I had convinced her to skip she was upset over her moms death. She didn't strip but she didn't stop me. I wanted a tan so we lay there letting the sun kiss our peach skin till it turned a golden brown. Just as I thought we were going to burn the current rushed in steady crashing down waves of saltiness against my defenseless body. Attacking me the salt stung my eyes, I gagged as the water rushed into my mouth. Peyton never grabbed me she just held my hand worried, I kept assuring her I would be fine.

" _The tests show what I was afraid they would Brooke I am so sorry"_ I could hear Dr. Scott's voice I felt Nathan squeeze my hand. I coughed as air was rushed out of my lungs gasping as I look up the clouds are mocking me. Maybe it wasn't a great idea laying down to see what it felt like if I was one with the ocean and sand. I started to feel like I would choke before the water resided. " _They showed that over 50% of your bone marrow contained blasts"_

The waves left just as fast as they came the sun was still shining but I was left shaken feeling cold wet, still chocking. I survived I'm not sure how I did but I did it was a wonderful invincible feeling. Till I looked in Peyton's eyes and saw the fear she had been afraid of losing me watching helplessly as I drowned. It was that day when I knew for sure that as strong as she was as hard as she made herself sound, deep down she was the most sensitive sweetest girl in the whole world. I also knew that her moms death had shaken her so bad she was afraid that every person who got close to her would leave.

The ocean took away sand but gave us different sand the beach was still there but the shape the texture had changed. " _We have to start treatment right away Brooke, 50% that's half you're bone marrow the cancer_ _is in your chest, spinal cord, abdomen, I know it's scary. I get you feel overwhelmed but were in this together baby. You're 15 and you're going to be part of this process no question is stupid no feelings you have are wrong, please talk to us, you'll have a whole team here to help you"_

" _Nurses, nurse practitioners, social workers, school tutors, art and Music therapists, Child life therapists, Physiologists"_

" _We need to start aggressive chemo Brooke, with radiation I know you're scared confused and need time to process this so I'll let you have some privacy but I'm just a call a page away. We will fight this Brooke I will not give up on you so don't give up on yourself."_

The waves washed over me pulling me hard I tried to fight against them but there was an alluring sweet melody pulling me towards them. Once I washed away the salt water, I was able to forget about the pain. I was able to relax and take pleasure in the peaceful feeling of floating away. If I let myself go if I let the current take me maybe I cold forget maybe I would be forgotten.


	15. Chapter 15

**Title:** **Life as We Know It**

 **P O V: Brooke**

Cancer the word should never be used in the same sentence as childhood. Yet it is that's what I had childhood cancer. Some people would say 15 was not really a child anymore, not when I've kissed a boy not when I'm old enough to stay by myself. They would say that because I make grownup choices like having sex taking birth control, paying bills that I can no longer call myself a child.

Their wrong I am a child there is so much I haven't gotten to do yet that I want to do! Like driving, voting, going to prom becoming home coming queen, graduate. Go to France run a marathon, go to college study dance or fashion. Win awards travel fall in love. I mean real love the kind that makes your mouth water eyes smile, hands tingle, heart ache in the most wonderful way not the painful way. I want to graduate college get married and have kids. I want that one so bad I want to carry my own child feel him or her kick, I want to give birth and hold my babies.

I can't have cancer I have too much to do like prepare a squad for nationals, I have school, homework, I have dance, I have a recital in two months, we have nationals. How was I suppose to tell Peyton? She's already lost her adoptive mom the only true mom she ever knew. She would be so angry she might never forgive me. She would be so hurt. I didn't want to hurt her.

How was I suppose to tell my parents, would they give a damn? My teachers? My coaches Mrs. Ally is counting on me. Nathan shifts beside me he's so mad he wouldn't tell me but I swear I saw tears in his eyes. He wants to hurt someone but who? There's no one to blame he can't blame my doctor he knows his mom would take my place in a heartbeat.

I feel horrible he's missing basketball school friends he should be there not here he's not sick I am. Why should he miss his childhood. I want to tell him to go but he's sleeping so peaceful, I am so scared, I don't want to be alone. That makes me pretty selfish doesn't it?

Maybe that's why I got cancer everyone always tells me how stuck up how selfish and shallow I am maybe this is God's way of reminding me that I'm a bad girl and bad girls have bad things happen to them. Nathan though he's a great kid an honorable talented hard working bright young man with a great future he didn't deserve to have it taken away because of my punishment.


	16. Chapter 16

**Title:** **Life as We Know It**

 **P O V: Haley February Second 8 pm**

 **Song:** Scars To Your Beautiful

Artist: Alessia Cara -

Brooke Frigging Davis of all people I expected to be laying in a hospital bed. I've spent a lot of time over the last few years wishing nothing but pain and agony for this girl. After all the pain she's caused me. She deserved to suffer.

She deserved to know what it was like to spend all her days wondering why her, what did she do to deserve this cruelty that fate seemed to have in store for her. She deserved fear, she's caused me so much of it.

I spent all my days wondering what it was that I did to make her hate me. We had been friends for so long. Than one day she decided I wasn't cool enough anymore from that day on I was the number one target for her and her brainless squad.

Now staring at her I couldn't help the small smile that started on my lips going over to the laptop we keep one in every room so staff can access patient medical records at any time. I saw Nathan asleep in her bed, making me wonder how he was allowed in here. The hospital had strict rules for certain sections this section 13 East OPICU was one of them. No more than one visitor at a time and only for 15 minutes every hour. So how was Nathan allowed to stay all day and night? Only one answer he was the son of a doctor. It made me mad that people like him thought they could bend the rules to fit their needs. Like the rest of us weren't important like our time or feelings didn't matter.

Scanning my badge I signed into the hospital system typing in her name pulling up her records. I searched for the latest gasping softly as I read her diagnosis. My heart squeezed tightly of all the things I had wished upon Brooke. Cancer was never one of them even she didn't deserve this.

" _Haley?"_ Her voice seemed small to me scared swallowing Nathan was sound asleep great it had to be me. I turned around to see her eyes staring at me full of questions, doubts and fears. Probably wondering what I was doing here? Was I going to tell every kid in school what was wrong with her or was I going to lie and spread some nasty rumor about her. Was I going to hurt her, give her the wrong medicine poison her food? Tell everyone here what a horrible person she is?

Suck it up Haley as much as you hate her she's your patient now, you took a vow when you signed up to be a Volunteer. Taking a deep breath I repeated to myself the pledge all volunteers have to memorize and say before we get to work our first shift. Every so often we are questioned about it.

" **Welcome every day as a new beginning and every patient or visitor as a new friend. The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to not judge others, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. For one day I shall be gone all that shall remain is the memory a legacy of what I have done"**

" _Yes Miss. Davis what can I do for you?"_ Her eyes drifted to the door was she looking for a witness in case I went crazy and killed her?

I could suffocate her I knew what buttons to push so the alarms wouldn't go off. No that would be too good for little miss Prissy. I could give her the wrong drug I had access to them make her suffer a little as she wondered why. "Stop It Haley stop it now!" " _Are you okay sweetie?"_ One look at her face told me something was wrong. She was pale sweaty clutching the bed. Accessing her file again I scanned to see if she had been issued any pain medication and found none nor had any Chemo been administered yet. Going over to her I felt her face she didn't seem to have a fever still she was sweaty, shaking.

" _Are you cold Miss. Davis?" "Ye-ah"_ pressing a button on her monitor I saw her temp was reading at 76 which was a little on the low side, her Oxygen Saturation was only 63, a little too low. " _Do you feel sick?" "No.. maybe it won't happen to me" "Why do you think you're special?"_ She recoiled damn that was bitchy Haley focus you're here to help people you don't always have to like them or be friends to them. You don't always get to chose who you help. Take a deep breath. " _No I know I am not special I just don't do sickness well"_ Her bluntness made me recoil now I always pictured Brooke standing in front of the mirror kissing her own reflection. Blood Pressure was low too low 50/75 pressing a button on the wall to call the nurse I took her hand. She was shaking " _Are you scared?"_ She hesitated looking at me trying to figure out if I was trustworthy.

" _Miss. Davis anything you tell me is confidential I won't tell a soul unless you ask me to, it's not my style to tell anyone's business"_ Another direct hit she knew it recoiling even further _"Can you call me Brooke please?" "Sure if you wish" "What can I do for you? It's been a long day I can't image your not tired" "I'm beat I just can't seem to sleep, I miss Peyton so much" "Would you like me to call her for you?" "No she's with her Mom"_ I thought her mom had died but I didn't want to say anything I wondered if I should question her though was she lucid? I kept quiet fixing her covers watching her. " _Her Biological mom she found out she's adopted"_ Wow that must suck I felt bad for Peyton she was always nice to me she never stood up for me yet she didn't bully me the way Brooke and Morgan had. Watching her stats I saw her oxygen dropping again her chest seemed to be wheezing so I placed the mask over her mouth adjusting the machine.

Suddenly she started coughing horribly grabbing her stomach in pain I saw her eyes roll back, Nathan sprung up stumbling back looking shocked as her body started to shake. " _Brooke!"_ Both Nathan and I called out frantically watching as her tiny body twisted gasping as I heard her chocking. What was going on? " _Get help Nathan!"_ I slammed my hand on the Emergency call button as I climbed on to Brooke's bed lifting her head, I heard her gurgling she was chocking on something. Riping the oxygen mask off I pounded on her back turning her on her side.

I heard Nathan's scream as he ran out to the hall her body continued to convulse. Looking around I quickly spotted what I needed making a dive for the suction tube turning on the machine, I pushed the tube inside Brooke's mouth.

The sound of it made me almost made me sick but seeing the blood come up scared me more, I should be relived because I could hear her start to breathe easier. "" _Haley?"_ I turned to see Alicia one of the 13 East nurses standing in the door I motioned to the monitor she hurried in. " _Get another bag of Levophed_ _Destiny_ _we need to run another line we need to increase her blood pressure" "_ _Call the blood bank we need another unit of B+" "_ _Call Radiation we need a_ _n_ _abdominal X_ - _ray stat" "Someone page Dr. Scott NOW!"_

Things moved quickly Dr. Scott raced in with two X-Ray Techs who preformed the needed tests. Nathan paced back and forth his face red fists balled. Sending a text to Quinn I waited till I saw her come up. She knew Nathan so much better than I did. As soon as he saw her he raced to her arms. " _What happened Haley?" "I don't really know Quinn I was talking to her than she started shaking and chocking"_

" _Nathan"_ Dr. Scott came out I cringed seeing the blood smeared all over her jacket. She looked tired upset but as soon as she came up I saw her put on her brave face gently placing her hand on his shoulder. " _Mom"_ His voice sounded small now scared as she lead us to a private room. This couldn't be good Doctors never gave you good news in private. " _We need to know did Brooke suffer a fall or any kind of blows recently?"_

" _What do you mean?"_ All three of us locked eyes with each other thinking back to Lucas. " _X-rays show she's bleeding badly internally this didn't come from her illness however it is made far worse because of her low blood count"_ I didn't want to say Lucas was my best friend as mad as I was at him, I could never rat him out. Yet her life was on the line I knew all too well just how dangerous bleeding was for a cancer patient. " _I'll kill him!"_ Nathan exploded punching the wall. All of us stepped back in shock Dr. Scott looked at him grabbing his elbow dead in the eyes she gritted her teeth " _Nathan Royal Scott spill now"_ I heard him explain as she shock her head. _"She's in surgery, Lucas better start to pray she makes it through. Haley, Quinn I want you to get Nathan out of here he needs to cool off" "Dr. Scott"_ Quinn questioned her eyes worried hands shaking I reached out and held it. " _Yes Quinn?" "Will Brooke be okay?" "I honestly can't give you an answer she's hemorrhaging you both know how serious that is for a cancer patient" "Dr. Scott what's going to happen to Lucas?" "Haley I know he's your best friend but right now my nephew isn't my concern as a doctor I have to turn this over to the police than the school since it happened on their property it'll be up to them if they press charges" "Charges!" "Yes Haley he attacked another student if he wasn't my damn nephew I would press charges against him myself as it is I will have no problem going to his mom" "Get Nathan out of here make sure he doesn't go after Lucas himself"_

With those final words Dr. Scott took off I saw Quinn text someone as she gently took his arm talking softly to Nathan. I couldn't hear what she said but I saw his shoulders slump as she lead him out of the area. In the elevator I watched as Quinn comforted Nathan who became quiet withdrawn. " _Nathan you need to eat babe" "I'm not hungry Quinn, I can't eat..._ Wait was he crying? Looking over I saw his face was crunched up beat red he kept wiping his eyes. My heart started to melt a little. Quinn hugged him " _It's okay Nate you can let it out I know it's scary I get your upset she means everything to you let it out"_ Nathan shock his head taking a deep breath.

The elevators opened we got off as Quinn called out " _Clay thanks for meeting us"_ Clay Evans what was he doing here? Clay is seventeen he's the older brother of Sabrina Evans she's fourteen and has Ewing's Sarcoma. She's been in and out for three years, we've gotten to know Clay really well. " _Nathan Scott star of the tree Hill Ravens dude mad respect for you dawg"_ Nathan seemed taken back but pounded fists with Clay. " _You like basketball_ _Clay_ _?" "Basketball, Baseball, football, Soccer you name it I love them all_ _Nate_ _" "You play?" "_ _I_ _did man I played everything a teenager can play" "What made you stop?" "My sister became ill, my parents their divorced dad lives in La, Mom she's working two jobs to make ends meet so I had to quit so I could work and help her pay the bills plus be here with Sabrina" "Man that's rough" "Yea it is but she's family I would do anything for her" "I know the feeling I would do anything for Brooke"_ Sensing Nathan was about to get depressed again he quickly changed the subject.

We found ourselves at Wing Kingdom Express across the street. Quinn sat next to Clay as I saw Nathan pull out my seat. He got my respect for that I wasn't excepting it but I tried to keep my shock inward. " _What school do you go to Clay?" "_ _South Brunswick High School_ _" "_ _I_ _t's close than for you?" "It is about twenty minutes but I can't really attend school when She's here because we live on Bald Head Island which we can only get by Ferry so it would take too much time to get from School which is about twenty five minutes from home the opposite way to here so_

 _I stay at the Ronald McDonald house while Sabrina is in, my school's really awesome they set up web cams in each of our classes so we stay caught up with our work, my teachers understand we have a tutor that comes in three times a week to help us" "I'm going to need to get one Brooke struggles with school normally I can't even start to image how she'll be now" "Haley can do it"_ I choke at Quinn's statement was she crazy? Brooke hated me Nathan wasn't looking too sure either " _She's the smartest in your class Nathan" "Would you do that for her?"_

Great so now I really had no choice I mean if I say no to Brooke when she's sick I look like a total pill. If I saw yes I might need pills.

" _Haley I know Brooke's been horrible to you I know this is probably what you wished for Brooke sick in pain possibly dying but please if she makes it through I can't do this alone, she'll need help" "First off Nathan you don't know me second off I wouldn't wish Cancer on my worst enemy not even Brooke"_

" _Third yes I'll tutor her if she wants me to" "Thanks Haley sorry I jumped to conclusions I just get very protective with Brooke"_

Why was the question I wanted to ask but got that it wasn't my place to ask but I wanted to so bad. I also found myself wanting to know more about Nathan Scott. I don't know why but there was something about him that I was starting to find sexy.

Walking back to the hospital he was starting to look apprehensive as we approached so I took his hand. " _You're mom's the head of pediatric oncology and hematology you should be use to hospitals yet you seem like they make you want to jump off the roof" "I should be a lot of things Haley I'm not. I barely spent any time with my mom growing up my dad traveled all the time mom was always here, I didn't really come here much I stayed home with Brooke and our nanny Florence._

" _The few times I came it was always when she didn't have time to call a sitter usually when a kid was terminal so no I guess I don't like hospitals very much, to mean they represents death suffering and sickness. If Brooke makes it out of this cured maybe I'll see things differently"_

We got to the unit just as Dr. Lindsay her surgeon came up. She shock our hands as we sat down. Dr. Lindsay spoke first _"Brooke suffered from a splenetic_ _rupture._ _We had to repair the damage and stop the bleeding, she lost a lot of blood something she really can't afford, however she's strong she's fighting she pulled through she's back in ICU recovering._ _She's getting two units of red cells and a unit of platelets_ _"_

" _Thank you Dr. Lindsay"_ Nathan shock her hand he excused himself to go see Brooke while Dr. Lindsay and I talked. " _I sense some hostility with you two"_ How should I answer her? She's a Doctor one word from her my status as a volunteer could be questioned. I could lose this position _"It's complicated_ _Remember the girl that_ _bullies_ _me"_ Dr. Lindsay placed her hand on my shoulder looking me in my eyes she's always been so compassionate which is why she's a favorite here _"Yes what was her name?_ _Oh right_ _Brooke Davis,_ _Oh Shit_ _"_ Offering her a smile as if to say it's okay I replied _"Yes Nathan is her best friend"_ I knew her next question would be _"So this is a conflict of interest?"_ Thankfully I had my answer ready _"No not for me I am here to do my job. I treat every patient with a clean slat, Nathan he's just upset he's scared Let me talk to him"_ Compassion can only go so far she was stern as she said back to me _"See to it Haley I know she's caused you a lot of pain it was uncalled for, I get that you have a lot of feelings about it, you have every right to feel them, however keep in mind that no matter who Brooke is at school, right now she's a patient a 15 year old girl who's parents are_ _n't_ _here who just found out she has a deadly disease, Brooke is a very sick young women, they found over 50% of blasts in her bone marrow"_

My whole body froze when I took that number in 50% that was over half her body. My heart actually broke for her. " _I know_ _Dr. Lindsay_ _, that's why I put aside m_ _y_ _differences and I plan to help her just like I do to all my patient_ _s. Nathan has asked me to tutor her" "Sounds like a good start I know how amazing you are Haley. All the kids here love you the staff compliments you and Quinn all the time, it's why we keep you two on this unit, one usually restricted to limited access, I know you'll do the right thing and make us all proud"_

Dr. Scott was now with Brooke who was asleep. Nathan was holding her hand with a very pissed off look on his face, his mom was shaking her head. As I came in I heard the end of her conversation. _"Nathan you need to leave for a little while Brooke needs her rest the staff can't make exceptions, it's not fair to any other patient_ _s_ _. I promise you we will transfer her tomorrow as long as nothing happens, you can stay with her than at least for a little while" "I will stay tonight Nathan nothing will happen to her as long as I am here" "Go home shower, eat, rest" "Mom I can't leave her" "Nathan this is not up for negotiation kiss her good night and leave now"_

Nathan became so pissed off he slammed his foot against a wall Dr. Scott gritted her teeth stroking Brooke's arm, she wasn't awake her eyes fluttered from the sudden noise but never opened. Her complexion worried me, she was sweating still lips slightly blue, the mask seemed to be helping her breathing but she was still struggling. I saw the blood dripping into her vein helping to steady her vitals. Clearing my throat to let Dr. Scott know I was there she turned " _Haley can you please stay with Brooke while I talk to m_ _y_ _son?" "Yes Dr. Scott" "Thank you they gave her a shot of_ _Diazepam_ _to help her sleep,_ _if she does wake she'll be dazed just be warned_ _"_

Going over to her bed I picked up her hand again instantly I saw they had placed a central line in to allow better access to her veins. Her eyes fluttered open " _Peyton sing to me please"_ My hand touched her face. She sounded like a sleepy little kid as much as I didn't like her she tugged at my heart " _Sweetie it's not Peyton" "Who are you?" "Haley" "I don't know a Haley" Where's Peyotn? I am so tired I can't sleep though..She always sings to me..."I can sing to you" "You sing?" "Yes you use to listen to me all the time as kids we took piano lessons together" "We did?" "Yes baby I taught you how to play guitar" "I play guitar?" "Not anymore but you did for awhile" "Close you're eyes Sleeping beauty let me lure you to sweet dreams"_ Thankfully I keep my guitar nearby so I grabbed it softly stringing the guitar as I started singing. I knew it was the drugs making her confused.

" _ **She just wants to be beautiful  
She goes unnoticed, she knows no limits  
She craves attention, she praises an image  
She prays to be sculpted by the sculptor  
Oh, she don't see the light that's shining  
Deeper than the eyes can find it  
Maybe we have made her blind  
So she tries to cover up her pain and cut her woes away  
'Cause cover girls don't cry after their face is made**_

 _ **But there's a hope that's waiting for you in the dark  
You should know you're beautiful just the way you are  
And you don't have to change a thing, the world could change its heart  
No scars to your beautiful, we're stars and we're beautiful  
Oh-oh, oh-oh  
And you don't have to change a thing, the world could change its heart  
No scars to your beautiful, we're stars and we're beautiful"**_

" _Thanks String-girl"_ String girl? Really oh well she was asleep now that's what counted. When I came out Nathan was sitting against the wall his face pale eyes watering. I went over placing my hand on his knee. Taking his arm I helped him to steady himself as we walked to the elevator.

" _Will get a room across the street at the Ronald McDonald house for tonight"_ This was going to be a long night. He was moody and demanding yet having my arm wrapped around his waist I couldn't help the fact my heart seemed to skip a few beats.

Why?


	17. Chapter 17

**Song: If Only**

 **Artist: Tiffany**

 **P O V: Brooke February 4th 2003**

" _Cancer Brooke are you serious?"_

Peyton sat on my bed staring at me her arms wrapped around me as I lay curled into her chest between her knees.

" _Ellie has cancer"_

Peyton's tears filled the air as she sniffled into my chest which felt like it was on fire. It's been two days since I had Emergency Surgery. They were moving me out of ICU today once I finished my Leukapheresis treatment to lower my white blood count so I could start my chemo treatments. It was strange watching my blood being filtered through a tube seeing the white cells than watching it as they returned to my body. Peyton didn't even seem to notice the machine she was crying so hard my whole front was soaked. All I could do was rub her back try not to let her see how much pain I was in since her weight was pressed against my incision.

I wish I knew how to comfort her but I didn't know how all I could do was hold her tell her it was okay to cry. Kiss her head stroke her hair. Even those simple things seem to sap my already low energy but I couldn't let her see. I'm not someone who complains about pain I'm a dancer a cheerleader I am use to pain. I have a very high tolerance but this was pushing it. " _She has breast_ _C_ _ancer Brooke she's terminal"_

Hot tears flowed down faster than I could wipe them away from her face. Peyton didn't deserve this she had suffered so much already. " _I shouldn't be surprised should I Brooke? I mean everyone I love always leaves me, My mom, my dad, now Ellie, Cancer Brooke frigging_ _C_ _ancer this can't be happening it's ugly it's cruel!_

My body suddenly tensed from an intense spasm of nausea. I felt my pulse quicken up as I closed my eyes trying to fight it off. All day I had been feeling sick fighting against the rising tides of sickness from the pain medication. " _I can't do it Brooke, I won't, I don't want to see her suffer die"_

She shot up giving me a brief relief anger pouring through her eyes her fists clenched. Nathan had gone for some air. The slam of her fist against the bed ended my stomach relief sending more waves crashing through so bad I gaged. She became panicked but I held up my hands taking deep breaths.

" _I'm sorry Peyton I wish I could take away your pain" "You do Brooke just by listening thank you"_ She rested her head against my shoulder the waves didn't let up. " _Could you really do that Peyton?"_ She didn't know what I was asking I wondered if I should repeat it yet I kind of didn't want to know the answer. " _Do what Brooke?" "Leave someone when their sick and need you?"_ I felt her sigh running her fingers up and down my arm sending chills through out my body. Not just the excited chills I had them feeling her gently caress me wishing for probably the millionth time that she would see me as I see her. My whole body seemed to be taken over by this coldness. Now her fingers were tracing my stomach. I felt them rest above my belly button. " _What happened to when we're 16 we're going to get our navels pierced?"_ She looked at me like what the hell?

She had no idea how I was feeling but I started thinking about all the things I had always wanted to do that I may never get to do now. " _Sorry P. Swayer you kind of just tickled the silliness out of me there" "Part of me Brooke wants to be there for her to get to know her find out what her favorite bands are, her favorite foods are where she fell in love with music what song."_

" _W_ _here she was who she was with, what country she wants to go to, her fav vacation spot, who my dad is._ _W_ _here they met was it love or lust? Than part of me._ _W_ _ell I'm scared I know she's going to leave me why should I go through all that pain just to lose again?"_

Pausing I wondered if I should say this _"Peyton forgive me for saving this but maybe it's not all about you, maybe she needs to get to know her daughter if she's asking to be a part of your life maybe she needs forgiveness, absolution or just wants to get to know the child she gave up before she dies. I'm not saying forgive her right away or forget how it felt to be left, but none of us know how much time we have left, we all have regrets we all make mistakes but love is the only true real thing in this world."_

" _What should I do Brooke?" "I can't answer that babe, all I can say is follow your heart you're an amazing person, I know you'll do right"_ I couldn't stop shaking now even she had noticed pulling the blankets around me tighter. " _God Brooke you're shaking more than a bed during sex"_ Gasping I hit her she laughed hard " _Oblivious you've never seen my bed when I have sex that shit can register well over a_ _category 10" "Well you are a force of nature Brooke Davis" "Thank you so am I tropical storm a tornado" "Your one of a kind B. Davis I wouldn't have it any other way either"_ She kissed my nose making me blush as she laid back down. _"I won't mind seeing that storm in action"_ Now I gasped wait did she just say she wanted to have sex with me? No Davis your spasms are effecting your brain now _"_ _Seriously though babe why are you shaking so bad?"_ I couldn't tell her after what she had just told me there was no way that I could tell her I had cancer that my body was failing to protect me, that my shaking was because I didn't have enough red blood cells to carry oxygen or warmth.

" _Brooke?" "Yea Peyton?" "Promise me you'll be alright that you won't leave me I can't lose you to!" "Peyton I don't have cancer or anything I'll be fine promise, I just need to recover from this surgery than I'll be back to bossing all you basic bitches around"_ I just lied to my best friend _"Good you better be" "Now tell me what should I do? Ellie wants to go on a road trip but I don't want to leave you" "Take the time while you can Peyton be with your mom don't live with regrets"_

" _If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world."_ She looked at me as I laid my head down feeling incredibly drained. I felt her fingers tracing my skin lightly pushing back my hair. Wonder how much longer I would have my hair left.

" _The only regret I will truly regret Brooke is if I don't say I love you nearly enough so if I haven't told you babe I truly love you B. Davis you are brilliant, beautiful, brave one day you will change the world."_

She was wrong so wrong I wasn't going to live long enough to change the world. I would be lucky to live long enough to see what would happen with her and Ellie. I felt her pull me close as she started to sing to me.

" _ **Scarlet red  
drips from my veins  
What's wrong with me  
That I imagine such things  
And if only for a moment  
Let there be peace  
And how can I  
Live with this pain  
I don't have the strength  
To conquer this shame  
And if only for a moment  
Let there be peace**_

 _ **And tell me did you know  
That I still won't let it go  
And just maybe you're still flying free  
If only**_

 _ **Tell me why  
I'm left here alone  
I search for your voice  
But I should've known  
That if only for a moment  
You'd be with me**_

 _ **And tell me did you know  
That I still won't let it go  
And just maybe you're still flying free**_

 _ **If only I could change the way  
You were torn away from me  
I would never let you go  
I'd burn away the plans we made  
Pretending to believe  
That I am not afraid**_

 _ **And tell me did you know  
That I still won't let it go  
And just maybe you're still flying free  
And tell me did you know  
That I still won't let it go  
And just maybe you're still flying free**_

 _ **If only"**_


	18. Chapter 18

**P O V: Brooke**

 **February 4th 2003**

" _Peyton sweetie may I talk to Brooke for a minute? Why don't you go grab her something from the machine she looks awful thin maybe some junk food will help her eat"_

Ellie spoke to her she nodded Ellie rubbed her back coming towards me what could she possibly want from me? We barely knew each other. She waited till Peyton was out of ear shot before she sat by me staring into my eyes.

" _I don't know why you chose not to tell Peyton but I thank you either way"_ I stared at her she smiled sadly at me. _"I know Brooke I know you have cancer because I have it to I know the signs, the drug treatments, I know how scared you must be, how alone you feel with no parents, I know you need Peyton I know you want her. So I know my daughter is right when she says how self-less you are. Your putting her needs before your own. She's too fragile right now to handle losing two people she loves"_

" _I know she is Ellie that's why I held off I don't want to hurt her"_

" _Good than you'll stay silent I plan to get Peyton out of Tree Hill for awhile help me Brooke, than I promise I''ll let Peyton keep in contact with you while we're travailing"_

" _If I don't keep quite?"_

" _You will because you know it's what's best for her, no matter how bad things get here Brooke please keep quiet, I need to spend this time with her, when it's time I will send her back here, to you just keep fighting Brooke, I'll keep your secret"_

" _If you don't stay silent Brooke I'll promise you I will make your life a living hell, I'll tell Peyton how you really feel about her"_ I'm becoming the master at stare downs cause I looked at Ellie like she lost her mind. " _I know you're in love with her" "I also know she'll never feel the same way about you Brooke she's straight she loves boys not girls so keep your mouth shut or I will make you live to regret the day you ever meet my daughter got it?"_

I was rooted to the spot in fear as Peyton and Nathan came back with a nurse pushing a wheelchair. Transport time. Staring at Ellie I swallowed allowing them to help me into the wheelchair maneuvering the machines that could be transported.Peyton and I exchanged kisses as Ellie motioned for Peyton to head out. Handing me something she hugged me hard. " _Love you B. Davis" "Love you to P. Sawyer"_ My heart sunk as I watched her leave.

If only I could tell her how I really felt, closing my eyes I felt this unexplainable heaviness settle over my chest. I heard myself gasp as tears started to fall. If only maybe Peyton was right they might be two of the saddest words that were ever penned.

There was no if only though there was only No Chance. I had no chance of her ever finding out because Ellie would cut me out of her life before I could tell her. Nathan squeezed my shoulder thinking it was because I was saying goodbye to her. I guess I was in a way.


	19. Chapter 19

**Title:** **Life as We Know It**

 **P O V: Nathan's**

 **February 4th 2003**

" _Mom you have to let me stay with her she needs me"_

" _Nathan you know I can't let you do that you're grades are horrible to start with missing this much school will put you too far behind"_

" _She needs me I can get a tutor. There's no way I could go to school and focus I would be way too worried every second of every day"_

" _I understand Nathan but I can't in good conscious let you skip school or throw away your life what about basketball?"_

" _Screw basketball mom that was always dad's dream, I love it yes but there are more important things in life than throwing a ball through a hoop"_

" _Please mom Brooke is all alone I know you love her, I know you want to be there for her. I_ _also_ _know you will be but you're head of this unit you have all the staff who depends on you plus every patient_ _and their family_ _. I know as hard as you try to be there for her you'll have other people who will need_ _you._ _Mom every patient here has a parent a sibling a relative with them._ _Brooke has no one the staff are so busy when she's in pain she needs medication fast. I don't want her to suffer, when she's sick or scared I want to be there to hold her, comfort her."_

Watching my mom's face I knew I was getting through to her she was torn between wanting to be tough with me insisting I go to school; worried about my future. The other part of her knew I would never allow Brooke to go through this alone.

" _Mom you always said how important it is for these kids to have a support system I have watched you from the time I was a little kid devote all your time, money energy to your patients. I never got it I use to be jealous of these kids cause they got my mom when all I got was a hard ass father and a baby sitter. Now I get it mom they needed you. I was safe I had a house a care taker they were fighting a life and death war. Except their ending wasn't like a video game once you died you didn't come back to life. They needed every trick every game play strategy to win causing losing wasn't an option. I can't ask you to take away from your other patients to play favorite to Brooke_ _nor would she want you to do that_ _. So I need to be there for her. I want to b_ _e_ _there for her._

" _Mom it's probably the only unselfish thing I'll ever do in my life please let me be there for Brooke"_

I know she was worried about my dad what he would say but I honestly didn't care.

" _Fine Nathan but I want to see your homework done every night you will hire a tutor, I will talk to all your teachers. I want a progress report every week._ _I have to approve this tutor, if your grades drop below a B+ your going back to school. You have to talk to Coach Durham Nathan you owe him"_

" _Done Mom thank you I promise I will keep my grades up"_

" _You better Nathan this isn't a joke this is your future we're talking about if you don't get a scholarship you'll need your grades"_

" _I know mom I know right now though it's Brooke's future I am worried about"_

I hugged my mom feeling so relieved she took my arm _._ Leading me out from her office closing her office door she turned to her secretary Lea Adele Michele who's been with her for years. I could practically feel my body sag with relief till I realized one major thing. Who the hell would I get to tutor me?

Maybe Haley would do it she was already tutoring Brooke even if I didn't expect that to go to well. Maybe if Brooke saw me getting help from Haley she wouldn't feel so pressured or corned. So how was I going to get the great Haley Bob James to tutor me when she obviously hated me?


	20. Chapter 20

**P O V: Nathan**

 **Song: I Got 1**

 **Artist: BG5**

 **February 4th**

" _Have you ever had a tour Nathan?"_ Mom turned to me asking excitedly. _"Just when it first opened but it was so crowded that day so I couldn't really see it all" "Well let's start now"_ She grabbed my elbow with so must gusto I almost lost my balance thank god I am quick on my feet.

The cool February winds were sweeping across the dusty skies as we exited the hospital it felt great to have some fresh air. We could of easily gone through the hospital but I was glad we didn't.

Looking around I couldn't help but admire how beautiful this area was they really kept it well gardened. Lush rich colorful tresses lined the walkways providing plenty of shade with benches that took on the shapes of stars, moon, sun, guitars, green crisp lawn which had picnic areas. The main building was separated from the Children's Oncology/ Hematology center by a mini lake with colorful fish swimming a bridge went over it. Mom wrapped her arms around me as we walked at a steady pace. The winds turning slightly colder now as the sun set further down.

" _Nathan I want you to know that even though I disagree with you skipping school, I am proud of you for being a man stepping up to take care of Brooke. I know you consider her more of a sister"_

She was sending me mixed signals so she was proud of me yet she disagreed how could it be both? I didn't argue I've learned with my parents over the years sometimes just keeping you're mouth shut was my best choice.

I tried to read her eyes which was it pride or disappointment was she just trying to save face? I mean this was what she had preached to me all my life to be loyal to not judge to give compassion to other kids. Something I admit in the last year or so I've shown a lack of compassion or concern for any other kid not in my popular circle.

It was hard to tell what she felt when she talked to me. Her eyes didn't glow with pride like they did when we entered the Deborah Scott Pediatric Adolescent Oncology/ Hematology Center. The new addition was built two years ago funded by my mom hence the name, it's connected to the main hospital yet has separate entrance from the outside as well.

The lobby always takes my breath away it's around 6 feet from floor to ceiling it looks like a freaking rain forest tall palm tress line the walls and inner space. Mini water fountains with rainbow waterfalls. The walls are beautiful painted murals that Peyton helped design and paint along with various art students from local colleges and schools. Each wall holds a different mural their all equally as brilliant in color.

The floor is Tye-Dye colored tiles animal paw prints lining the way from the glass revolving doors. To the recipient desk, to the coffee shop, gift shop. I suddenly had an idea dashing into the gift shop as mom kept walking not even noticing, I wasn't following she was already talking in full animation to the lady behind the front desk. Dashing inside the shop I looked around smiling as I saw the display of beautiful fresh flowers that are delivered everyday. What kind of flowers would Haley want? Was she allergic to any? I shot a quick text to Quinn. Please answer.

Glancing around dodging the steam of visitors I tried to spot anything I could get to show Haley how serious I was. How sorry I was for judging her, making fun of her over the years. Music played over the loud system but not the boring old stuff fun catchy current pop hits. Brooke would love that. My phone blared out my default ring-tone Thug Mansion by Tpuc reaching for it too fast. I slipped my phone falling out of my hands falling to the floor skipping down a few feet. People gave me strange looks some parents covering their kids ears as I got nasty looks.

My checks filled with color as I grabbed it stumbling for the volume.

 **Incoming Text Quinn James:**

" ** _Aw you're so sweet to get her flowers :/ she loves roses duh every girl does but she also loves daisies,_ v _erbena_ _s"_**

What the hell was a verbenas? That didn't sound too pretty but if that's what she liked sure why not. Going to the counter I gave a smile to the teen girl working behind it popping her gum looking bored she piped up seeing me fixing her hair. " _Hey baby you looking tight tonight"_ Giggling was the response I got way too easy man. " _What can I get for you? Oh My god you are so hot!" "Thanks darling do you happen to have any…_ I looked at the name again _Verbenas?"_ She probably had no clue what they were so I wasn't holding out any hope till I saw her shot up _"Oh yes right over here"_ She lead me over to a display filled with gorgeous flowers. I quickly bought some for Haley than picked up some roses for Brooke. As I turned I saw a display of cuddly stuffed animals. Grabbing two I brought them to the counter. " _Aw your girlfriend must be so lucky" "They are"_ Her eyes went wide as I said they are. Grinning I paid for the purchases leaving her dumbfounded as I walked out to see my mom standing at the desk hand on her hip looking equally as lost.

" _Mom sorry I had to make a stop"_ She exhaled as I jogged over to her " _Aw sweetie are they for Brooke?" "Ah the roses and the kitty are, I bought the others for Haley I'm hoping she'll tutor me"_

" _Darling that is so sweet I'm sure Haley will say yes who could resit my handsome charming son, as far as Brooke before you bring them in I have to check her counts she can't have anything that can contain bacteria it could make her even sicker"_

Dang it how did I not think about that? Clear your head Nathan stop thinking about Haley's gorgeous smile or those amazing hips. Wait what? " _Nedra this is my handsome boy Nathan"_

Mom took Brooke's gifts leaving me free to shake hands with Nedra who was behind the desk. We said goodbye going to the elevators shaped like leopards. The new building is thirteen floors the first two are for outpatients. We passed them heading up further the third floor is where all the testing, radiation areas are located plus the Chemotherapy room. Floors 5-7 are officers, Eight is where the chapel and sky cafeteria are located floors 9-13 are for inpatients. Floor Nine is where the Babies to Five year olds are housed, Ten and Eleven are for Six to 12 year olds. Floors 12-13 are for 13-18 year olds. Patients can vist other units easy by a private elevator as long as the staff knows where they are.

We got off at the thirteenth floor heading to the west unit which brilliant shades of purple/ pink/ orange/ reds line every inch each wall a mural of happy smiling kids some bald some with wild hair some with normal, dancing kids kids chasing pets it represented the innocence of childhood. Quinn had taken most of the photo's along with local photography students in schools, colleges.

As we approached 13 West we heard a very excited " _Dr. Scott!"_ The giggling form of eight year old Abby Wellington came racing up attached to her IV. " _Miss Abby what are you doing out of bed?" "Waiting for you! I wanted to be the first to show you!" "Show me what sweet baby?"_ She pulled out a colorful picture of her holding hands with my mom. " _Thank you Dr. Scott for making me well again"_ Abby hugged her I saw my mom blush as she hugged her. " _Abby your making yourself well" "I am?"_ She looked at her confused. Mom pulled her into her lap as she explained _"See baby all I am doing is giving you the medicine it's your strength that is making you well, Your positive thoughts your adorable smile and your sheer will to get out and be a normal kid that's what is making you well"_

I was proud of my mom she really was making a difference Abby was so sweet it hurt to know she was battling such a hideous monster. Cancer was truly evil it showed no mercy no matter how young the body it was hiding in was. It's hard to believe I use to be jealous of these kids I felt the shame creep up on me. Let it go Nathan you were a kid yourself you didn't know. It didn't escape me though that I should of known, she's my mom it's not just her job but her passion to make kids well. How could I not have taken an interest in her work? Maybe if I had maybe I would've known the signs to look for maybe I would of caught it before Brooke became so ill.

" _Nathan sweetie stop it, I know what you_ _'_ _re thinking I see it in your eyes"_ I look at her in what I suppose was shock cause she laughed grabbing my arm bringing me down to their level. " _You were a child you didn't know what these kids went through, nor should you children should never know the pain of a serious illness they should all be able to laugh, play, dream and run free without a care in the world. I am so glad you had that as a kid, I wanted to shelter you from it both of you, that's why I didn't bring you here unless I had to"_

" _How did you know what I was thinking?" "I'm your mom Nate I knew you we're jealous as a kid, I also know you were smart enough to never say it out loud hence why I never felt the need to correct you. I knew someday you would get it. Don't feel bad babe it's a normal part of being human jealously anger envy pity we all feel those emotions and more, especially when we don't know what were facing"_

I smiled at Abby who threw her arms around me " _You're adorable Nathan you're mom always tells us about you will you teach me how to shoot a basketball when I get well?" "Sure Abby I'll help you" "Yay! I wanna be a basketball player when I get older! Than I can get the cute boys"_

Helping my mom up I highfived Abby as her mom took her hand leading her away thanking my mom as we kept walking. Mom showed me the teen art gallery where patients can express themselves through art, writing music their work gets hung up in glass cases along the wall. A mixture of darkness, hope. A few of Peyton's hung up there as well. Than she showed me the wall of names one side was of donors who have contributed large amounts to the hospital. I saw Peyton's moms name running my fingers over it her dad had donated a large sum in her honor. I smiled remembering the ceremony where she was honored. Peyton was so proud of her she looked amazing in her little blue dress.

Strolling ahead of my mom who stayed to talk to Abby's Mom Janessa I saw all the rooms were brightly decorated with gleaming title floors of Tye dye of colors. The first few rooms we passed 1301-1325 were isolation rooms all single rooms. Than each room after that had two beds. The doors on the rooms were all glass sliding each one had the logo of the hospital on them in bright colors with my mom's name. Two bathrooms in those rooms along with two flat screen TV's every room had another room for the guest. Their big spacious even with the machines in them, a table sat in the corner with two chairs.

Two nursing stations were on the unit one by the private rooms the other down the hall by the double rooms. Mom made sure the unit had everything it would need for these kids to feel as normal as possible teens sat in the sun room relaxing on the bean bag chairs, couch watching TV, playing pool, listening to music, that room had a little bar in it where the kids could get juice, milkshakes, snacks. Next was a restroom for parents and siblings where they sat watching TV reading the paper, napping or playing with their younger kids.

There is also a music, art room I saw kids walking the halls some attached to IV some free, most wore gowns some were able to wear normal clothes, a few were in wheelchairs, many bald, some were to sick to leave their rooms. My heart broke for them hoping Brooke wouldn't be one of them.

Music caught my ears so I took a few steps back to see Haley and Quinn in the music room. Haley was playing her guitar as kids danced or bopped their heads to her beautiful voice, Quinn was snapping photo's of everyone some of the kids made silly faces or inappropriate jesters which Quinn would edit out later.

She didn't get mad though she just laughed and made equally silly faces, even busted out into a silly dance with some of the younger teens. I saw the neon sign on the wall that said Haley J's Jam- Jam. I wondered how someone my age got so much responsibility here. She clapped as she sung encouraging the kids to sing louder dance harder image their sending their cancer on a journey.

" _ **I like flowers boy you know I'm into candy  
I'll write my cell phone down I know it'll come in handy  
You'll be sittin' baby wishing on a Saturday night  
That you're with someone who knows how to treat you right  
The you'll remember that piece of paper thats from me  
The one I folded and you stuffed inside your blue jeans  
And then you'll call me up.  
My cell phones blowing up  
My date 2nite you know i just stood him up."**_

Well she sang she likes flowers I took a deep breath it was now or never I let out a deep breath I was holding in starting to go inside dancing a little which made the kids laugh. I know I am a horrible dancer. Going closer to her I saw she wasn't even paying attention to me she had three young boys all flirting with her, five or six girls dancing by her smiling laughing trying to get her attention.

I got on one knee as I came in front of her several of the kids oohed some clapped she looked bewildered as she tried not to slip on her notes. " _Marry him he's hot!"_ One of he teen girls yelled out as another yelled " _Gurl ya cray if you don't I'll marry him!"_

" _Haley James will you please accept my apology and please consider being my tutor?" **  
**_


	21. Chapter 21

**Brooke'**

 **February 4th**

" _Sweetheart I got you're parents on the line"_ Dr. Scott breezed in shortly after Nathan came inside. Groaning I took the phone which she had on speaker my voice was even raspier than usual as I croaked out a forced " _Hello?"_ My breathing was weak at best laying my head on Nathan's chest my heart just wasn't in this conversation but I tried.

" _Brooke what the hell are you doing? This is a new low even for you I have never in my life met a more selfish ignorant opportunistic bitch in my life"_

I wish I could say I was shocked that my mom instantly thought I was lying but I wasn't. " _Cancer Brooke really? Are you that lonely and desperate for attention that you had to get Deborah to lie for you?"_

Dr. Scott took it off speaker as she started to talk fast to my mom explaining to her that this was real and I was very sick. Every word felt like a blow to me I felt myself sinking down a long dangerous hole. My mom was yelling so loud now we didn't need a speaker.

" _Well you wanted her as your daughter Deborah congrats she's yours we're washing our hands off her, will fax over the forms relinquishing our parental rights, Brooke I just wanted you to know, I never wanted you to start with the only reason we didn't abort you was the shame it would bring to our families. I should of done it because you have brought nothing but shame to us. Deborah good luck with her as far as we're concerned we don't give a damn if she lives or dies"_

Nathan wrapped his arms around me as I felt my chest tighten. Dr. Scott hung up turning to me I felt her arms wrap around me as I started to shake tears fighting to break through. She rubbed my back apologizing over and over for bringing that to my life. I felt her kiss my forehead as I heard someone yell for her. She sent Nathan a look as she rushed out.

" _That was harsh"_ We heard a voice break through wiping my damp face Nathan spoke first as I l turned my head towards where the voice had come from feeling depressed. " _Who's there?"_ He asked the curtain opened revealing a teenager around our age, wearing hot pink shorts a black tank top long raven like hair flowing to her mid back. " _Sorry didn't mean to interrupt just excited to finally have a roommate"_ I heard an accent " _Where's you're accent from?" "Oh I'm glad you noticed I'm from Ireland" "My name is Sophia Grace O'Dylan I'm fifteen"_

" _Nice to meet you I'm Nathan Scott" "Oh I know honey we all know who you are star player of the Tree Hill Ravens"_ I laughed poking his side feeling him blush.

" _This is Brooke Davis my best friend, so how long have you been a patient here?"_

" _I came in on Friday"_ Sophia answered coming over towards my bed we motioned for her to sit down.

Sophia smiled as she replied her eyes checking Nathan out. _"Hardest part of this shit is the reactions you'll get from family and friends my own brother told me I was acting out for attention, granted he's only nine but it still hurt, I mean why would anyone want to go through this hell?"_

She squeezed my hand as I tried to fight like hell to keep the depression down. I felt Sophia's hands start to gently massage my shoulders. At first I tensed up who was she to touch me? I had no energy to fight her though.

" _What are you doing?"_ Nathan instantly became like a bull dog she laughed

" _Just a little massage one effective_ _way to stop depression is to be touched if someone feels loved the body reacts positively"_

I had to admit that after a few minutes I did feel less down, even my breathing seemed to ease up. I felt myself drift off.

" _I love you B. Davis"_

Peyton where was she? I spun around searching frantically my chest catching as I caught a glimpse of her blond curls bouncing as she raced away laughing calling to me " _Find me B. Davis hurry!"_ Come on legs move I tried to follow her I couldn't move. What was wrong with me? " _Come on Brooke you're the girl I've been waiting for, don't you love me?" "Yes Peyton yes I love you!" "Than hurry up slow poke I won't wait forever"_ Closing my eyes I willed myself to move, I pulled at my legs, I hit myself. Nothing happened tears poured over my eyes. I could smell the coconut of her shampoo lingering teasing me. Laughter who was laughing? I started to spin but I couldn't move pain hit me hard I felt myself blacking out.

White lights blinded me laughter woke me who was laughing? Why were they laughing at me? Wait why was the ceiling staring down at me? Faces blurred in my hazy line of vision they were the ones laughing. Who were they? Why were they laughing? What did I do to piss them off? _"Brooke loves Peyton..Brooke loves Peyton, Brooke is a Dyke"_ I could hear the chanting now I wished I didn't. _"Kick her! Hit her!"_

Fear consumed me why couldn't I move? My vision was getting clearer now I was on the floor in school. Why wasn't any of the teachers helping me? I was tied to the damn floor my legs spread eagle, my skirt hiked up my legs were spray painted with viscous slurs lesbo on my left slut on my right. I saw Mrs. Ally look at me with shame as she spit on me. I couldn't speak someone had gagged me. " _Make her pay"_ I knew that voice who was it? My head was spinning again I felt myself blacking out as I felt each blow from each foot, every fist as my world went black I saw the face " _Payback is a bitch watch your back slut"_ Haley.

I was in a different room now a train station? No an airport? I heard engines, I heard whistles, everything was happening so fast. Laughter again but it wasn't kids. Who was laughing? " _How stupid is she? She actually thinks we wanted her? God I must win an academy award I played the role of daunting mommy for years, damn I am so happy to be free of that ball and chain! Gin and tonics on me!_ Mom? Was that her? A male's voice called back " _Well no one will ever accuse_ _d_ _us of having a genius for a daughter, we could always say she was adopted than it's not our genes"_ I saw their figures dancing happily onto the airplane waiting for them as they clicked champagne glasses. " _Mom! Dad! Please don't leave me I'm sorry I'll be smarter cleaner, I'll be quieter, prettier, I'll do anything please!"_

" _It's too late Brooke your time is up"_

Who's voice was that now? Why were all these voices haunting me? My head was spinning I couldn't focus everything felt so out of reality was this a dream? Was this April fools? Why was everyone leaving me?

 _Goodbye Goodbye Brooke we bid you_

 _Goodbye! Give me a G..Give me an O.._

 _Bring It to an O and a D_

 _Lets hear it For B Y E_

Quinn...Bevin...Theresa, Gage no it couldn't be why were they cheering goodbye? Why couldn't I catch them. My breath was coming in short painful gasps.

" _Brooke I'm still waiting where are you?"_

" _Peyton?"_

" _Yes B. Davis hurry up I won't wait forever"_

I saw her a vision of pure beauty in her little red almost see through dress holding white flowers her hair braided around the top of her head she looked like an angel with a halo. Wait was she standing at an alter? No! No Peyton you can't marry him. He's not right for you! What year was it? Where am I? Why can't she see me? Am I dead? She looks older, she looks happy she's laughing. Did she forget me? Is she mad at me? Where am I? Why god why can't I get to her? She's moving smiling wider she's getting closer to the figure. My heart is beating way too fast I can't breathe. Visions of my life with Peyton flash by my eyes we were at a party we were dancing wild laughing drinking, she's holding me tight as we grind, god I was sooo so drunk, I couldn't even stand, she carried me to her room her bed. I laid there awake all night holding her exhausted but too scared to sleep, scared of this moment ending. I needed to feel her heart beat smell her sweet pineapple breath.

We were in a car her dad's but she was driving her hair blowing back as she's laughing pressing harder on the gas, I'm standing up arms extended out am I drunk? The music is blasting I'm screaming as she's trying to pull me down we almost crash but she grasped the wheel yelling at me, I fall into her lap tears of happiness falling she's hitting my back yelling at me not to do it again, she calls me crazy girl her crazy girl.

We're younger now chasing fireflies laughing tackling each other no were by a campfire roasting marshmallows of course I tried to get mine to burn faster it falls off I scream and cry. Stomping my feet she laughs at me rolls her eyes her fingers shove hers inside my mouth.

" _Will you Peyton Swayer take this man to be your lawful husband will you promise to love honor cherish and stick together through sickness health good times and bad?"_

" _No! Peyton No please!_

Everything is spinning again I yank harder I feel something rip there's wetness, on my arm I don't care I don't look I run. I have to stop her my lungs burn my legs hurt my chest is burning I feel sick. I keep running I have to stop her.

" _Lucas Scott, we have been through so much together. And despite how confused I've been or lost I might've gotten, there was always you finding me, and saving me. You deserve to be adored, so that's what we're going to do. Your baby and me, we are going to adore you for years to come. I am so terribly in love with you, and I always will be."_

Lucas what in the bloody hell? Why was she marrying that loser?

 **P O V: Nathan's**

" _Brooke wake up!" "Brooke wake up!"_

" _No Peyton no...please don't….Peyton please don't you can't please wait up I'm here"_

" _Brooke wake up honey you ripped you're IV Sophia get a nurse she's not waking up!"_

She was thrashing so hard her hands violently ripping her IV line out blood was pouring down her arms. I've been trying to wake her up for five minutes every since I saw her start to turn swatting her hands moaning in her sleep. She was so pale sweaty, I could hear her gasping. I was worried sick what was going on with her? Why was she screaming for Peyton?

" _Peyton I'm sorry please don't leave me, Peyton I love you damn it Peyton...NO!"_

She shot up so suddenly her own body wasn't sure what was happening eyes filled with fear mind not entirely awake as she looked around gasping. My arms engulfed her rocking her rubbing her back as Haley, Bleue my mom and Quinn all raced in just as Brooke suddenly gagged vomiting everywhere " _Get some water Quinn she'll need to rinse,_ My mom yelled right to Bleue as Bleue finished yelling to Quinn _"H_ _er heart rate is way too fast we need to calm her down,_ _Give me 3 mg of Adencor"_

Haley pulled me off Brooke gently but firmly she fell back on to the bed body tense as my mom grabbed her injecting her arm with adencor a drug to help slow her heart-rate. Haley pulled the curtain shoving us both on Sophia's side. Sophia stood up helping Haley to pull me back. I didn't want to leave her but I had no choice. My own heart was beating so fast I couldn't stand any longer.


	22. Chapter 22

**Song: Slowly Falling Apart**

 **Artist:** **Michelle Branch & The Wreckers**

 **P O V: Brooke February 4th**

" _ **I wanna paint my face  
And pretend that I am someone else"  
**_

" _Brooke_ _is worthless_ _Trever_ _what did I ever do to deserve a stupid Petty little piece of shit like_ _her_ _?"_

" _I told you_ _Asshole_ _I told you having a child was a mistake!_

" _Their nothing but an over priced burden!"_

" _It wouldn't bother me at all Trever if we left her along the side of a dark road"_

" _She's better off dead she's useless she's talentless_ _she's never going to learn why waste all that money_ _"_

I could hear my parents voices in my head as I tried to block it all out the insane beeping from the machines, the doctors, the nurses Sophia, Nathan. I didn't want to hear I didn't want to know, I just wanted to feel numb. 

" _ **Sometimes I get so fed up  
I don't even wanna look at myself"**_

I was five when they had that fight hiding in my closet while they fought in the parlor. Dad wanted to send me to a private school mom didn't think I was worth the time, the money.

" _Mom! Oh my god mom! There's a beauty pageant at school_

 _Peyton wants me to enter she thinks I can win!_ " Mom's look paralyzed me the minute I skipped into the room I was nine. One look I knew what she would say.

" _Peyton's an idiot she has no idea what real beauty is you're not pretty enough,_ She slapped my thigh _Lord knows you're not thin enough fat ass,_ _you're not smart enough to even know what a beauty pageant is all about dumb-ass"_

" _Brooke I'll give some motherly advice give up you'll never be anything, you'll never be anyone"_

" _Mom"_

" _Stop whining Brooke don't cry there's people out there with real problems people who are sick, dying, broke probably from their own stupidity"_

" _ **But people with problems that are worse than mine  
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time" **_

Maybe she was right maybe it's not worth trying to fight anymore maybe this was fate's way of saying my time was up. I'm a fraud trying to be strong trying to pretend that I am fine, I haven't been fine in a long time.

My parents don't see me they don't care, why should they? I'm not worth fighting for or believing in. Nathan was wasting his time he's so talented he has such a bright future he's a star. He should be out there shining not wasting his time with me, I'm only going to bring him down.

" _ **And I hate the way you look at me I have to say  
I wish that I could start over"  
**_

I let everyone down I betray everyone it's who I am a liar a brainless slut all I care about is myself. It doesn't matter who tries to help me I don't look at them I look through them, if their not pretty enough thin enough. Just ask Haley.

" _ **I am slowly falling apart  
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start"**_

" _What the hell is that?"_

Without warning I slammed the book out of thirteen year old Haley's hands causing her to gasp in shock as she turned to see Morgan, Peyton, Bevin and I standing there grinning. " _Chicken soup for the soul really Haley god you are so lame"_

I turned to my friends rolling my eyes as I looked Haley up and down " _Nice skirt Haley did you get it from the trash bin?" "Or did you're mommy knit it for you?"_

" _ **And you might think it's easy being me  
You just stand still look pretty"  
**_

Fast forward to a year later as she walks past me and I trip her while all my friends laugh she falls flat on her face sliding down the hall. " _Watch where you're walking loser" "It's Haley my name is Haley not loser" "Whatever klutz"_

" _Oh my god Bevin did you hear about that Slut" "No what Brooke?" "Okay you have to swear not to tell a soul" "I promise omg tell me" "I heard from Sonya who heard from her cousin Tessa who dates Kevin who's sister is Gwen that Haley got a grand slam with Kyle" "What no way! Oh my god she is so gross"_

" _Hey nerd how's your day?"_ I never waited for an answer before slamming Haley into the fountain she screamed as her books went flying. Grabbing her I shoved her under the water she flared her arms trying to get me off, I just laughed along with Morgan as I saw the bubbles going slower.

" _Pull her up make her see your face make her know who's the queen Bee"_ Grabbing her I yanked her up she gasped spitting out water. Smiling I slapped her face twice her eyes were wide in fear " _Remember my name bitch remember who I am because you will be serving me for the rest of you're sorry worthless poor life_ _peasant_ _" "_ _It's Haley not Peasant" "I don't care what you're name is you are insignificant to me"_

" _I bet you can't even spell insignificant"_

" _Oh I can watch me LOSER"_

" _Take her guitar Brooke smash it over her head watch her cry make her bleed"_ Morgan chanted me testing me.

" _Do it Brooke or I will make you're life a living breathing nightmare, I swear I will make you're name social suicide"_

" _ **Sometimes I find myself shaking  
In the middle of the night  
And then it hits me and I can't  
Even believe this is my life" **_

" _Be the Bee everyone is buzzing about do it Brooke"_ Morgan whispered to me as I gathered up the courage to march over to where Haley sat with that loser Lucas strumming her guitar. She never saw me coming as I swiped the instrument from her hands in front of the whole cafeteria, everyone gasped snickering she looked at me a mixture of bored confused fear. Before she knew it the instrument was smashed over her head she tried to cover herself even Lucas jumped up trying to cover her. I was faster lighter on my feet hitting her with such force she fell off the bench as I slammed it over her stomach face as he tried to pull me off only to be pushed back as all the cheerleaders ran to me kicking her spitting at her screaming insults at her. I watched as she bled trying to cover herself.

" _You'll never be anything Loser you'll always be alone nothing but an ugly geeky cow"_

I whispered into her ear as I took out my water bottle filled with liquor dumping it on her _"Mr. Turner!_ I waved him over " _Oh my god Mr. Turner this poor girl fell I think she's drunk you better call her mom"_

I saw the look in her eyes as he helped her out glaring at every student he knew I was lying but no one dared to correct me. He dragged her away his eyes never leaving my innocent smiling worried face. I believe she got suspended for that incident.

" _ **I am slowly falling apart  
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start"**_

Karma moves in two directions. If we act virtuously, the seed we plant will result in happiness. If we act non-virtuously, suffering results. This was the universe paying me back I was nasty to Haley so I was being punished. I deserved to suffer, I deserved to be in pain, I didn't deserve to live. Living was for the good the people who could change the world who had goodness purity love light. I was darkness I was evil.

" _ **You might think it's easy being me  
You just stand still look pretty"**_

I guess that's one good thing about dying young: one would be would be remembered for purity, vigor and spontaneity. Dying young you're remembered for your youth.Unless you're me than you'd be remembered for what? What was I? A flower bloomed already wilting. Beginning its life with an early ending. A seed who never had a chance because the people who were suppose to water it feed it nature it left me out to the sun and harsh winds?

Haley she is light she is love she is the brightness this world needs the world would be better off without me.

" _ **I am slowly falling apart  
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start  
You might think it's easy being me  
You just stand still look pretty" **_


	23. Chapter 23

**P O V: Haley**

 **Tuesday February 5th 2003 10 am**

 **Tree Hill High School**

" _Haley I'm so scared"_ I looked around the school hall wait was Quinn actually talking to me in school?

" _Scared of what? Are you sure you should be talking to me? It might ruin your precious reputation what's the matter Quinn did you're makeup smear? Did Austin dump you?"_

" _Haley be serious I'm scared for Brooke she's not eating she's refusing her medication she's really depressed"_

Sighing I nodded in truth I was scared as well it's been over 12 hours she hasn't eating she keeps refusing her pills, chemo. They had to hold her down and stick a feeding tube in her nose she threw up five times while they tried to insert it. Than she ripped it out almost bleeding to death.

" _Please Haley we have to do something, Nathan hasn't eaten in days, he can't sleep, he just sits by her side trying to get her to talk, Peyton can't be reached"_

" _Why waste your time Quinn? Brooke isn't worth it"_

" _Yes she is Haley you don't know her, Brooke Davis is magic, she's strong she's compassionate she's tough, brave, passionate, she's gonna change the world one day"_

" _Really?"_

" _Seriously Haley there's a side to her you don't see no one does but she's smart beautiful loving she's just guarded she gets her values mixed up sometimes"_

" _Haley do you remember how when I first joined the cheer team when I was ten how miserable I was?"_

" _Yeah I never understood why you didn't just quit"_

" _Because Brooke wouldn't let me she was the team captain only seven years old but she had this unbelievable talent and unmatched energy she said she believed in me she saw the potential in me to be great, all the other girls made fun of me for being slower. Brooke stayed with me everyday she worked with me for hours after class, she never gave up on me"_

" _I believe in Brooke Haley I just need her to start believing in herself I think her mom is to blame for this"_ She told me about what her mom said to her on the phone which melted my heart how could anyone wish their own child dead?

" _Karma's a bitch Quinn oh wait you should know about that I mean after all Brooke was Morgan's bitch now you're her bitch so how much does she pay you dog or do you gravel and beg for free, wait does she pay you in sexual favors?_ Taylor grinned coming up as she flipped her hair. Quinn grunted shoving past Taylor who kept going " _Haley doesn't owe her anything she owes Haley a lot though starting with an apology"_

My sisters faced off getting in each other's faces I know I should say something yet I couldn't I didn't really know where to stand. I know I agreed to tutor Brooke, I had yet to give Nathan an answer about torturing him, maybe I could just back out, Taylor was right I owed them nothing,

" _Hayley"_ Taylor spoke directly to me as a crowd started to gather. I was afraid to know what she was going to say. " _Do you remember when you were strumming you're guitar here in the quad and queen Bee came up smashing you over the head for no reason? Do you remember how mortified you were?" "Do you remember on you're birthday how you felt when you were crying in my arms?" "Think to all those times Brooke made you feel insignificant small meaningless"_

Just what I wanted to do remember all the times Brooke Davis made my life a living hell yet I couldn't seem to shake it. Memories of all the times she had beat me up filled my head.

" _Haley stop listening to Taylor she's an airhead"_ Quinn shoved her grabbing me snapping me from my memories.  
" _Do you know anything about Brooke who she is now?"_ I shock my head honestly no I didn't. She pulled me along shoving me past Taylor.

We stopped inside a classroom I had no idea which class this was it wasn't one of mine. " _Miss Ally"_ Looking up I saw Miss. Ally sitting at a desk. Oh so this was health class. _"Yes Quinn shouldn't you be in class?" "Yes I will go I swear, I just need to give my little sister here a quick lesson about who the real Brooke Davis is" "In that case of course do you need any help?" "No Ma'am I think I got it covered" "Alright I'm here if you need it this is my free period I'll give you as pass when you two are done"_

What was I doing here? Quinn sat in front of one of the computers texting someone. She typed fast as I sighed flopping down by her. This better be fast I had a history test this period. " _Look here Hales"_ I did rolling my eyes seriously what could she possibly tell me about Miss. Popularity that I didn't already know. What was this website that she was showing me?

My eyes scanned the page pushing my hair back " _ **Zero i**_ _ **s Not A Size"**_ _"What is this Quinn?" "It's Brooke's website she made for students it's an Anti- Eating Disorders Website"_ Brooke Davis Queen Bitch acutely promotes healthy eating? " _She started it last year she_ _talks to_ _other students from all over the world who have eating disorders, who feel pressured to be perfect to be thin, read some of these private conversations Hales" 'I don't want to_ _Quinn their private" ""Hales read them babe see what Brooke is truly about"_

Just do it maybe she'll shut up.

 **PrettyisThin: "Brooke I need help I feel like I can't go on anymore! My parents found my diary they know I've been counting calories they want to admit me to a hospital, if I can't lose another 10 pounds by Friday I'll die! I need to be thinner Eric will never f*** me if I'm a fat whore..I need to be a skinny whore help me!"**

 **Brooke: "Sweetie calm down first off you are not fat you are beautiful numbers don't make beauty that comes from the inside, second if Eric doesn't love you for you he doesn't deserve you, please don't give it up if you aren't ready, if your parents are concerned than there's an issue listen to them they care about you that's an awesome thing to have"**

 **PrettyisThin: My parents are assholes Brooke their only worried about their reputation they don't care about me. I don't have an eating disorder I am fat simple as that. If I don't give it to Eric he'll leave me I can't be alone!"**

 **Brooke: Sweetie talk to your parents they may not be as awful as you think it's not easy being a parent why do you think you are fat?**

The conversation went on forever till she convinced her to talk to her parents, Quinn showed me another one from a few weeks later, the girl was thanking her for saving her life the doctors had told her she was so underweight her heart was failing. I was impressed I'll admit it.

I read a few more conversations wondering when she had time to do all this, than she showed me the whole website Brooke had designed and built all by herself, she included information about eating disorders. She had experts available to talk to any student who felt in need.

Miss. Ally came up ruffling Quinn's hair _"Brooke came here everyday to set it up asking me for medically correct information and to help with the grammar" "What was her motivation?" "She was tired of girls coming up to her asking her to help them lose weight she was tired of girls feeling like they only matter for their bodies not their minds"_

That was news to me the same girl who threw me to the ground spit on me kicked me showed compassion to every other girl. So what was wrong with me? Why was I so awful she gave her heart to these strangers yet I got her hate her disgust when I actual knew her use to be her friend.

" _Hey Queen"_ My sister greetedGage Rochelle as he came up kissing Quinn's check _"_ _Hey Quinn"_ Gage answered she smiled as he nodded at me. I felt my checks flush he was cute as heck. " _So what brings me here, I'm suppose to be weight training Coach will kill me if he sees I'm skipping" "I need you to help convince my sister that Brooke is an amazing person not some terror queen" "Oh simple okay I get it she was pretty rude to you Hales but there's another side to her" "Why does everyone keep saying that?" "Cause it's true_ _H_ _ales see when I was fourteen I tried hooking up with Brooke thinking it would prove to everyone mainly myself that I was a man" "You were 14" "I know but I was a basketball player, Nathan had lost his so everyone on the team thought if we did it we'd all be cool, expect afterwards I felt so dirty so empty" "Instead of making fun of me though she held me and she made me talk to her, I told her something no one else knew"_ He paused for a minute concerned I rubbed his shoulders Quinn hugged him " _Relax it's okay talk to her she won't judge you" ""I told her I was gay I expected her to lash out or tell me I was disgusting, she didn't she told me I was unique special she said I was brave for admitting who I was and she would help me if I wanted to come out" "She supported me when I told my parents when they kicked me out she gave me a place to live helped me find a job a therapist to talk to, now I have a job an apartment and a fabulous boyfriend_ _and I quit trying to be someone I wasn't like a ball player so now I'm a cheerleader and honey I am Fabulous_ _"_

He seemed so happy so proud so grateful for her my mind was warped who do I believe? Who should I trust? Taylor who was by my side every time I cried, my own mind because I know what she did to me. Quinn who spent hours everyday with her. Strangers online who didn't even know her yet praised her who I saw first hand she helped or Gage?

Could there be more to Brooke Davis than I gave her credit for? Even if there was why was this my problem? " _Please Haley she's depressed you know what it's like to be depressed, it's our job to help these teens and kids why shouldn't Brooke get our help?" "What would storm tell you to do?"_

Storm she had to go there didn't she? Sighing I pulled myself up ignoring the incoming text message from Lucas. I had some thinking to do some praying.


	24. Chapter 24

_**P O V: Haley**_

I went to the chapel I know she's important to Quinn but honestly Brooke Davis makes me sick. I've tried to put what she did behind me but it's harder than most people think. Maybe it makes me a heartless person or petty selfish but it's how I feel.

Kneeling at the front of the Chapel I lit a candle crossing myself as I closed my eyes. Was I imaging it or did I just hear someone whisper to me " _Forgive her child F_ _ _orgive someone who treated__ _ _you__ _ _with hatred and abuse?__ _ _You shall be rewarded in time"__ __ _Forgive_ _Someone who has ruined my life by making me into_ _a social outcast someone incapable of feeling trusting believing_ _? How can I? "_ _ _It may seem hard it may seem impossible you may even be asking yourself why should I forgive? Why shouldn't they be asking for my forgiveness"__ _Who was this? Spinning around I felt myself gasp there was nothing no one around expect a sudden chill which went through me._ _Storm?_

" _Forgiveness_ _Haley_ _is something you do out of obedience to the Lord because He has forgiven_ _ _you__ _. You have to be willing to say, 'God, I confess_ _my_ _hatred for_ _Brooke_ _, and I ask Your forgiveness. I forgive her for everything she did to me. I forgive her for_ _betraying_ _me, and I release her into Your hands."_

" _How Lord? How do forgive her? Lord, help me to have a heart like_ _ _Yours__ _for Brooke, I know she is sick I know she has been hurt is hurting, I know she needs compassion and strength but why me Lord why after everything she has done to me?"_

Almost immediately I had visions of her like I had never seen before. The first was as kids we were five or six in dance class, the five of us Quinn, Taylor, Peyton, Brooke and I she was teaching us some difficult dance move that none of us could master except her. Taylor was being difficult shoving me telling me I was too stupid to get anything, Brooke was suddenly in front of me. Protecting me telling Taylor that everyone learns at different paces that we had to be patient kind loving.

Back than Brooke was beautiful, fun loving, gifted, someone who bore no resemblance to the person I know now.

If I was understanding right this told me I was seeing her the way God had made her to be and not the way she had become. What amazing revelations our minds can make us see! I couldn't have conjured it up myself. Nothing surpassed my hatred, except perhaps the depth of my own emptiness. Yet now I felt compassion and sympathy for her.

" _Brooke isn't evil Haley she's just a teenager like yourself she's young, confused she's wanted to be a cheerleader for so long, Morgan lead her on a dangerous path, I've tried to stir her form her grip when she was_ _13_ _, she fell for Morgan's charm._ _There was nothing I could do, she's stubborn determined to get what she wants she wanted popularity. It doesn't make her a bad person, it just makes her vulnerable. We all are in our own ways"_

I felt the hand on my shoulder after another chill went through me the voice was strong though as she kept talking. " _I've loved Brooke since the moment I held her in my arms she's my only daughter even if she's not carrying my blood. I've been there for her for every cut, bruise, bloody lip, black eye, heartbreak. I wiped her tears I calmed her fears. I was always able to make it better, except this time I can't take away her cancer, I can treat it I can hope I can pray but I can't make it go away. I can't fix her sadness she's hurting Haley she feels guilty she feels like she doesn't deserve to be helped all because what she did to you, what was done to her"_

Dr. Scott knelled down by me her voice filled with pain, anger I have always seen her as strong never have I seen her break down. " _What was done to her?" "You knew Brooke as a kid did she ever talk about her real parents?" "You mean her biological parents?" "Yes Victoria and Trever Davis"_

" _No not really she always referred to you and Dan as her parents" "Well we were in the basic essentials ways we provided her with shelter, food, medical care guidance, but her parents she lived with them they never showed her love, never gave her rules, they were abusive in many ways verbally, physically._ _When Brooke was a little kid three or four h_ _er mom would lock her in a closet hitting her screaming at her. "_ _You're worthless, and you'll never amount to anything"_ _Now stay in there until I can stand to see your face!"_ _"_ _She wouldn't unlock the door she'd let Brooke stay there locked inside with no food, no air, no bathroom for hours days until Nathan/Dan would find her, curled up in a ball scared hurt. Dan never liked the police so he never reported it he would just bring her to our house, I was never aware until Brooke was older, I just knew she was neglected by her parents so I never had an issue with her being there. Beside she made Nathan happy."_

" _It doesn't giver her the right to take it out on others" "No it doesn't Haley but it explains a little while she's messed up, there are other issues ones she should tell you herself, things were done to her messed up things no child should ever go through" "I get it she had a hard life it doesn't give her any excuses" "Haley she isn't perfect neither or you but you've been sheltered your whole life, your parents love you protected you you have six siblings to help protect you, Brooke had no one when she was ten she was sent to her uncle's house in Milan he did things to her, illegal sick things, her parents told her she was a liar and laughed at her, her mom even told her to take it like a woman grow some balls. She said it would prepare her for pleasing a man when she was older."_

The confession sent chills through me it made me sick. I didn't need details to know that was how Brooke lost her virginity, that it was one of the reasons she thought sex with countless guys was perfectly normal. Or why she thought making others feel small would make her feel better, it gave her control something she never had in her own life.

Forgiveness starts with not being critical of others. It has to do with keeping in mind that people are often the way they are because of how life has shaped them. It has to do with remembering that God is the only One who knows the whole story and therefore we never have the right to judge. Being chained in unforgiveness keeps you from the healing, joy, and restoration that are there for you.

" _Haley forgiveness does not mean forgetting it means letting go healing learning moving on, maybe you'll find something even more precious"_

I must of looked at her strangely because she smiled at me " _Brooke's an amazing person give her a chance to get to know her she might just change your life"_

" _I'm sorry Dr. Scott I know she means a lot to you I know this can't be easy" "No Haley it isn't every parent has the same nightmare the moment they hold their baby they dread that phone call. They dread hearing those words, they dread something awful happening whenever their child walks out the door. As an adult as a doctor I am use to being in control to making schedules arraignments, I can't control this I can't schedule it or stop it. What I can do is try to help make this easier for her she needs friends Haley good friends who are tough, loyal, strong who have a heart who know right from wrong, you have values Haley ones I think could help Brooke"_

" _I've agreed to tutor her" "I've heard thank you Haley it means a lot to Brooke even if she doesn't show it yet give her the chance to show you"_

" _I'll try Dr. Scott I promise I will try"_

" _Thank you Haley it's all we can do"_


	25. Chapter 25

**P O V: Haley's**

Brooke stared at me as I sat on her bed her eyes were wide in what fear, shame, pain. I don't really know I took her hand which was small cold her nails gleamed in the brilliant purple and sliver that Quinn had painted them. She didn't look like the Brooke she had last week the cancer had already ripped away her healthy glow now her skin was pale sweaty, her lips held a blueish cast from her struggle to breathe, her eyes were sunken in, dark circles red rimmed blood shot.

" _Brooke I forgive you, you need to forgive yourself I'm not saying I will forget what you did to me how you made me feel, what I will do is stand by you, help you but you have to help yourself" "I don't deserve your forgiveness Haley, I'm not worth it" "Yes you do Brooke you did some awful things your not an awful person, you didn't mass murder anyone, rape anyone"_ I saw her flinch as I said the words rape which made me curious if she had ever been sexually abused as Dr. Scott hinted at it _"I beat you up Haley I made you feel small I tore you down, I laughed at your pain" "Now make it up to me Brooke Davis" "How?" "Live, fight, believe, laugh and love but live"_

She stared at me hard so I moved closer to her wrapping my arm over her shoulder. _"_ _Brooke let me be a friend to you, you don't seem to have many"_ She wanted to protest but I spoke faster. _"Your popular I get it but no offense have any of your team mates other than Quinn and Peyton even been here?"_ She looked at me she couldn't say anything _"True friends don't run when the going gets tough Brooke, they stand by each other they fight with each other for each other sometimes with each other"_

" _You'll need someone here you can count on let me be that person you don't want to tell Peyton fine, you need to have someone besides Nathan. I mean he's cute he's funny but he's a guy he can't understand what it's like to be a girl, I can I do, I am a girl so stop acting like a bad ass touch cookie, even the toughest cookies crumble, but if you're good I'll give you some milk to soak the crumbs up"_

She laughed hitting my arm but I could see the sadness in her eyes " _I know you miss Peyton, I know you feel like everyone has left you, what you need to know is that what happened to you as a kid it is not your fault, you didn't deserve the way your parents treated you" "You didn't deserve the way I treated you Haley" "No I didn't but I'm okay"_ She laid her head down on my shoulder, I felt her breathing start to relax as I ran my hand through her hair. That's when I saw the bag sitting on her counter reaching for it I saw it had Peyton's name across the front. Opening it I pulled out a note along with an ipod preloaded with a playlist. Opening the letter I watched her eyes following me taking a drink from her cup, I started to read the letter.

" _B. Davis you know I love you I have since we were nine you my dear one are the sweetest funniest kind hearted sassiest of girls I have ever known._

" _I hate seeing you hurt or sick I wish I could change things for you. I know I can't I want so bad to be there for you the way you have always been for me. My dad is being a total prick though he says you're a bad influence on me lol oh how true is that...if only he knew but I love you anyway my little bad ass bitch._

" _You know Ellie is sick you also know how much I have always wanted to know my adoptive mom ever since I found out I was adopted. It's because of you that I have learned to open my heart to this idea to being brave strong like you are, so I am going to go with Ellie for a month or so I need to get to know her, I want to, I deserve that, I hate leaving you though Brooke without knowing what is going on._

" _So please keep in contact with me talk to me tell me the truth, don't shut me out for my own good. I know you want to. In case you need reminding how much I love you I made a playlist for you every song on it holds a special memory of you and I. Even those god awful Britney songs."_

" _Oh my god Brooke she hates Britney!?" "Yea with a passion" "How could anyone hate Britney? She's a goddess" "I know right Haley uh it always annoys me how Peyton dismisses her like she's not totally talented I mean she's worked her pretty manicured country ass off" "Exactly Brooke"_

Running my hand over her arm I found it funny that we bonded over Britney Frigging Spears. I kept going with Peyton's note which was sweet. " _Music has always held such a special place in our lives, for me the melody is sometimes even more therapeutic than the lyrics, you can close your eyes get lost in the rhythm create your own lyrics with your memories"_

" _Sometimes though the lyrics are so powerful they can reach into your soul and make you feel like the song was writing just for you, like somehow the songwriter was watching you stalking you trying to speak for you" "For you Brooke it's always been about the beat anything that helped you fly"_

" _Brooke you are a diamond you sparkle the brightest the loudest like a thunder storm on a hot summer day. I told you before Brooke Davis you are a storm, you roar the loudest roll the farthest you create waves that will rock shores across the world. I know you love to watch Storms Brooke. I remember as a kid laying with you in a tent in the backwoods watching as the storms tore across towns coming towards us. I use to think you were crazy well I was right lmao how could you look into the eyes of a storm? Well easy be your own storm. So Brooke I need you to be strong brave like you always are. I need you to fight whatever this thing is. I need you to be there for me when I come back I will come back to you B. Davis I promise you that"_

" _To do that you need some amazing tunes to help you laugh, sing, scream cry and fight. I know our taste of music is worlds apart but you babe are one of the most open minded people I know so please give my bands a chance. Keep reading this as you listen with each song I have enclosed a special memory of why I chose this song"_

 _#1_

 _ **Artist: Britney Spears**_

 _ **Song: I'm not a girl Not yet A Woman**_

 _This song brings me back to summer days when we were like 12 or 13 blasting Britney god she truly is awful Brooke, I am sorry but seriously the girl has no talent. Sorry babe this isn't about how much I hate pop singers, this is about us sunbathing, swimming, gossiping about cute boys, reading pop magazines, watching you move your sexy body as you created new dance moves infusion them with current moves. Even at that age Brooke all the boys were drooling over you I mean why wouldn't they? You were smart funny kind sexy and an amazing dancer._

 _ **I used to think  
I had the answers to everything  
**_

 _When we were kids we thought we knew it all I remember when we 12 and you wanted so bad to date Ethan Simmons everyone told us he was a bad boy good girls shouldn't date bad boys. You thought he was so cute though so you marched right up to him planted one on his lips in the playground. Everyone was gossiping about it he was so embarrassed he pushed you down everyone laughed. I know how horrible it was to be rejected but you held yourself strong never crying, just turned your head around flipped your hair calmly told him. "I'm the best you'll never have someday you'll be sorry"_

 _ **But now I know  
That life doesn't always  
Go my way, yeah  
Feels like I'm caught in the middle  
That's when I realize **_

_I remember when we were thirteen your parents threw you out when they caught you and Sebastian making out on your bed, you swore that you knew how to handle yourself, they told you that you were a slut a stupid hormonal mess, you ran to my house so upset but my dad threw you out as well, I am so sorry Brooke please know I had no idea I was in the basement playing my guitar I would've been there for you._

 _Do you remember how you sneaked into Sebastian's house how you told me he held you kissed you, that he made you feel safe even if there was a five year age difference he made you feel mature equal how he listened to Britney with you sung with you. That this song was the song you made love to him with, how he didn't treat you like an object how he treasured you"_

" _I always thought he was too old for you Brooke but I am grateful because he gave you confidence he made you feel sexy loved and valued something your own parents never did"_

 _ **I'm not a girl** **  
** **Not yet a woman** **  
** **All I need is time** **  
** **A moment that is mine** **  
** **While I'm in between** **  
** **I'm not a girl**_

 _Brooke were not women yet we may have womanly bodies but we're still kids we're still learning growing, we have so much left to give so much left to be given. Chose wisely babe you're body is precious, so is you're heart, mind and feelings"_

" _I like to think back to those summer days when our biggest worry was learning a new dance move worrying about if we fit in with the cheerleaders, things were simpler than, we were truly happy than we laughed we danced we sung. We were kids._

 _ **#2**_

 _ **Artist: New Found Glory**_

 _ **Song: My Friends Over You**_

" _ **You were everything I wanted  
But I just can't finish what I've started  
There's no room left here on my back  
It was damaged long ago"**_

 _This song brings me back to last year we were 14. I was totally crushing over Simon he was hot older and a bass player a bad-ass skateboarder. You told me that you thought he was just playing with me, we fought so hard over him, I told you that you were jealous and a spoiled needy brat._

 _I never knew how bad you're parents fighting was that you were so scared to go home because your dad was drinking he was hitting your mom and you, that you were burying your pain with drinking too much._

 _I should of though you're my best friend Brooke you were always there for me when my mom died when I was nine you stayed by me everyday you wiped my tears, kissed my face tickled me made me laugh, you danced silly dances for me, told me stupid jokes made me dream again._

 _When we were ten and Bryan made fun of me he made fun of my moms death so you punched him in front of our class. You got suspended for me! When I failed English you tutored me you made me feel less dumb. So how do I treat you? I dumped you as soon as a cute guy winks at me. **  
**_

 _ **Though you swear that you are true  
I still pick my friends over you  
(My friends over you) **_

_I'm sorry Brooke I will say it a million times it won't make it any less painful to look back and know the damage I did. I left you at that party alone Nathan was making out with some girl you were drunk stupid drunk! I knew it and I left you so I could make out with Simon, who turned out to be a total creep he didn't want to just make out, he knew I wasn't ready yet he tried to take it too far. To this day I am not sure how I escaped but I managed. When I came back to the party to vent to my best friend I was so scared I had lost you with my harsh words._

 _I had no idea I almost lost you for real not till I got to the house and saw the ambulance. I lost it seeing you on that stretcher not breathing. Seriously Brooke what were you thinking drinking and skinny dipping? If you ever do anything that stupid I will kick your skinny ass!_

 _I promised Brooke "Hoe's over Bro's" always from than on and I mean it!_

 _#3_

 _ **Artist: Spice Girls**_

 _ **Song: Oxygen**_

" _ **There will come a time  
I know I'm gonna need  
Someone I can trust, someone who'll fight for me  
That's the way I love"**_

 _Just reinforcing that I love you my little hoe the way I love is deep it's powerful, sometimes scary. I will fight for you with you about you but always by you. You are stuck with me._

 _I know I can trust you I remember when I was 12 and got my period I was scared cause all the other girls were making fun of the girls who had it. They could never keep a secret they were always whispering about each other. You never did that with me, sure you talked shit about everyone else but never me. You just wrapped your arm over my shoulder, smiled and told me "Bitch you ain't special I got mine last year" ****_

 _I hate leaving you Brooke because I know you need me yet you love me enough to put my needs first and your right I need to do this._

" _ **This is my time to work things out  
What I want from this life  
There will be someone out there for me  
That's the way I love"  
**_

 _You are my someone B. Davis always and forever._

 _#4_

 _ **Artist: Simple Plan**_

 _ **Song: Welcome To My Life**_

" _ **No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels all right  
You don't know what it's like  
To be like me"**_

 _Hello Teen angst not everyday is sunny Brooke we both know that we've already been through more shit than most girls our age will ever read about in their horror stories. Most days I am angry sad moody as fuck I drive people away I scare people. I remind them of that Chucky doll, not you my dear B. Davis you laugh roll your eyes and dance crazier sing louder make me piss myself. We all hate our lives sometimes you say, like when your parents fight when the teachers think your dumb when in fact your just lazy. When your parents forget your birthday because business ranked #1 not their only child. When they weren't there to see you win your first award in choreography we were only seven Brooke you were the youngest to ever win that award they weren't there. You smiled you said you were fine I know you weren't._

" _ **To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life" **_

_When I was ten my dad told me he was leaving to go on a ship for six months leaving me with a nanny I was so angry._

 _I wouldn't budge form my room for days so you armed yourself with magazines, music and a flashlight a tent and we camped out in my room. We laughed we cried we had an epic pillow fight. We blasted the radio we screamed at the top of our lungs we danced on the bed we cried we smashed shit we broke down we laughed we hugged we lived._

 _#5_

 _ **Artist: Fall Out Boy -ft. Demi Lovato**_

 _ **Song: Irresistible**_

 _ **Count me in unannounced, drag my nails on the tile  
I just follow your scent  
You can't just follow my smile  
**_

 _So this makes me remember when we were 13 you got me tickets to see Fallout Boy you know how much I love them! Only my dad refused to let me go with you. So you asked Sebastian to take me, my dad loved him he was so polite. Dad had no idea he was 18! He thought he was our age. As soon as we got to the concert Sebastian ditched us, you started drinking and dancing but I felt awful lying to my dad. He was still my dad I knew he wanted to protect me even if he was misguided._

 _ **All of your flaws are aligned with this mood of mine  
Cutting me to the bone  
Nothing left to leave behind  
**_

 _We got into a huge fight Brooke I stormed out in true teenager angst drama knowing you were drinking. I confessed everything to him he grounded me. I was so mad I never even thought about you not till you showed up after midnight covered in bruises ripped clothing. You swore he didn't but I still suspect he did. God Brooke I am so sorry._

 _ **You ought to keep me concealed just like I was a weapon  
I didn't come for a fight but I will fight till the end  
This might be your battle, might not turn out okay  
You know you look so Seattle, but you feel so LA **_

_You always smiled assuring me your fine but I know what lies behind that smile B. Davis I will always be sorry._

 _ **#6**_

 _ **Artist: S Club**_

 _ **Songs: Have You Ever/ Show me your colors**_

 _Have you ever made a mistake we all have Brooke I will regret how crappy of a friend I have been to you all my life._

" _ **Have you ever loved and lost somebody?  
Wished there was a chance to say "I'm sorry"  
Can't you see?  
That's the way I feel, about you and me, Baby"**_

 _I made so many mistakes in my life I'm only 15 so it makes me slightly afraid of the mistakes I'll keep making. I apologize in advance to whoever I hurt._

" _ **Now I finally realize  
It was forever that I found (Forever that I found)  
I'd give it all to change the way the world goes round, tell me"**_

 _I use these songs because you B have one of the purest hearts of anyone I have ever met. Even though I left you so many times each time you got hurt worse than the last. You always stood by me came back to me loved me harder. You got beat up you almost drowned you bought me tickets to my favorite bands bought me presents, took me to dances, you made me laugh._

" _ **Show me  
Show me your colours  
Show me  
Don't break this spell I'm in  
Please don't break my heart  
Show me  
Show me your colours baby  
Tell me who you really are"**_

 _Also because I know you love to dance to this group you watched their shows, went to their concerts you wanted to be Rachel! Brooke you're better than Rachel your you never stop showing the world your magical colors!_

 _ **#7 Artist: Good Charlotte**_

 _ **Song: The Anthem**_

 _Sometimes I hate being a cheerleader I mean it's all so fake, it has no real meaning in the real world. Being a cheerleader won't get us good jobs it won't get us a man who truly loves us for us not our rocking bodies, yes our bodies rock. Everyday it's the same we got to school tear others down so we feel better about our crappy lives._

 _I want more I am more. I am so close to quiting this shit everyday than you B. Davis come up with some crazy ass scheme some killer dance routine that makes everyone envious of us. Like when you were pissed because your parents suspended your money so we all dressed up in pure black painted our faces white pretended to be mimes so we could entertain the crowd outside the concert we were so good we got into the concert for free and ended up dancing along the stage we couldn't talk at all. Imagine seventeen teenagers not talking for three hours. But damn did we dance did we flirt and fuck we had a ball._

 _I do it because I know in the end we are creating beautiful memories ones I will carry with me my whole life, ones I will proudly tell my kids and my grandkids about how crazy beautiful their auntie Brooke is._

 _Like when_ _Y_ _ou,_ _Me,_ _Quinn were so drunk we stripped inside the home of what we thought was Quinn's crush Anthony it turned out to be Mr._ _Rickert's_ _house our fifth grade math teacher,_ _we ran like the wind onto the beach butt naked into the water we laughed so hard we peed. That's the night Quinn dunked us into the ocean baptizing us B. Davis and P. Sawyer."_

 _ ****_Gross they stripped naked in a teachers home? These girls were truly insane! One of them was my sister! Looking at Brooke though I saw she was lost in the memories, the music taking her back. A slow smile was spreading across her face. Maybe we all needed a little insanity in our lives.


	26. Chapter 26

**P o v: Haley's**

Brooke was cuddling close to me her eyes closed but her breathing was relaxed now which I found reassuring. Rubbing her back I kept reading, as I played each song that was on the playlist.

 _ **#8**_

 _ **Artist: Kenny Chesney**_

 _ **Song: I Go Back**_

" _ **An' I go back to the smell of an old gym floor  
The taste of salt on the North Carolina shore"  
**_

 _Some days my life feels like a country song which I guess is fitting since we do live in the country lol. It brings me back to days I spent with you Brooke, with Quinn, Theresa, Bevin cheering on the sidelines, cheering for our friends to make that winning shot, comforting our boys when they lost. I go back to locker room fights, kissing in the dark of the night with our secret boyfriends we were too young to have. Too scared to date alone so we double teamed it. Twins Tommy Wade and Bobby Joe Jensen._

" _ **And I go back to watchin' summer fade to fall  
Growin' up too fast and I do recall  
Wishin' time would stop right in its tracks"  
**_

 _We went to rodeo's we rode horses and bulls we laughed as we were bucked off covered in mud we chased each other as the rain down poured. They tackled us, to days when we skipped school to ride their father's ATV's, we went muddin' we had picnics with hand picked berries that they feed us, we played with their dogs._

 _They threw us in the river after our mud lfest we swore revenge we ended up tackling each other laughing so loud as we breathed in muddy water our eyes stinging._

 _I go back to our first loss we were fourteen when Tommy Wade got drunk when he flipped his ATV. Tommy the sweet funny dark haired blue eyed boy the first one you told me you loved after Sebastian broke you're heart. The sweet boy who asked to hold your hand who asked me if it was okay to ask you out. The same boy who you dared to do that stupid ATV trick, I know you blamed yourself Brooke, he was young dumb wanted to impress his lady. It wasn't your fault Brooke Penelope Davis, Wade was trained by his dad he knew the rules, he got drunk not you._

" _ **And I go back to the loss of a real good friend** **  
** **And the sixteen summers I shared with him** **  
** **Now "Only The Good Die Young" stops me in my tracks** ****_

 _ **Every time I hear that song** **  
** **I go back, I go back"** **  
**  
I go back to the days when I held you tight while you cried over come with grief and blame, to days when his parents blamed you told you that you were a bad influence a trouble maker a bad kid._

" _YOU ARE NOT!" Stop blaming yourself yes your a rebel yes your impulsive, you make stupid decisions at times but you have a heart of gold. Your young Brooke full of life live it Tommy would want you to._

" _ **To watchin' summer fade to fall  
Growin' up too fast and I do recall  
I go back  
(I go back)**_

 _ **To the loss of a real good friend  
And the sixteen summers I shared with him  
I go back"  
**_

" _Tommy was so sweet Hales I miss him, he didn't deserve to die, he did the trick for me" "Brooke it wasn't your fault, I remember Tommy he was a dare devil always trying stupid shit to impress girls" "You didn't murder him, fate just had it's own story to tell"_ I could tell my words had very little effect on her, I saw her eyes drifting back to that day. I had to keep her going so I kept reading not giving a chance to think too hard.

 **# _10_**

 _ **Artist: Miranda Lambert**_

 _ **Song: Famous in a small town**_

" _Aw shit girl that's our song! Who else is more famous in Tree Hill than B. Davis and P. Sawyer? We are going to change the world babe, we've already made lasting impressions on our town._

" _ **They say life is so much sweeter  
Through the telephoto lens of fame  
Around here you get just as much attention  
Cheerin' at the high school football game"**_

 _I mean where to start? Winning Nationals at age seven with your own choreography? Winning the school talent show together every year since we were nine? Our picture in the paper every year? Dancing topless at how many parties while we were drunk and singing karaoke? Or kissing at that dare game, man all the boys were talking about it dreaming about. Confession time sometimes I do to :/._

 _We have stories to tell Brooke memories to make fights to win, we are young we are crazy we are not the good ones Brooke we will not die young._

" _ **Well, baby who needs their faces in a magazine?  
Me and you, we've been stars in this town since we were seventeen"**_

 _ **#11**_

 ** _Artist:_ _Panic at the disco_**

 _ **Song: Camisdo**_

" _ **The I. V. and your hospital bed  
This was no accident  
This was a therapeutic chain of events"**_

 _I hate hospitals Brooke you know that I always have my mom died in one Ellie will probably die in one. You will not Brooke what ever it is that is going on. I know you will find a way to make this stay a memorable one for all involved. I can see you making the unit a fashion show, bombing nurses with water balloons._

" _ **This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor  
This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital  
It's not so pleasant  
And it's not so conventional  
It sure as hell ain't normal  
But we deal, we deal"**_

 _You'll make this crappy luck sparkle and smell like lilacs. Right now it may not seem like it, I know you Brooke you are blaming yourself for what happened to Haley, it was horrible what we did to her. I blame myself for not stopping you because I was suppose to be your best friend, I saw Morgan get her hooks into you, I never stopped her, she used you took your fears your weakness fed on them spit you out and broke your heart._

 _Your bigger than your weakest moments you can rise above be a better person, you are amazing no matter what your worthless parents say to you. You are not a bad kid a waste of space a mistake. You are amazing beautiful, smart, talented funny. Most of all you are a fighter so fight damn it, kick their asses and take no names!_

" _ **Can't take the kid from the fight  
Take the fight from the kid  
Sit back, relax  
Sit back, relapse again  
Can't take the kid from the fight  
Take the fight from the kid  
Just sit back, just sit back"**_

 _I expect to come back to town to see you out of that hell hole screaming at our bitches again be the bigger bitch B. Davis the one we all know you are. I love you Brooke never forget that._

" _ **Can't take the kid from the fight  
Take the fight from the kid  
Sit back, relax  
Sit back, relapse again  
Can't take the kid from the fight  
**_

 _ **Take the fight from the kid"**_

 _So don't let anyone take that fight babe. There is a time to give up like when we were eleven and you almost got arrested for defending me against Tally Johanson when she stole my diary and sketch book calling my artwork stupid my writing pathetic. You beat her so bad she needed stitches, you kept fighting her even as the police pulled you apart. I loved you for it than B and I still do but it wasn't right to hurt her just because she hurt me._

 _There is a time to not give up like now so whatever you do listen to these tunes remember how much I love you remember how much you have to fight for._

" _ **You can't take the kid out of the fight  
The I. V. and your hospital bed"**_

I knew that song so I started singing playing it on my guitar which she smiled at. " _So will you fight Brooke?"_ She nodded " _I want to hear it Brooke"_ _"Yes I'll fight Haley" "Good now we tell Dr. Scott to remove this tube so you can start to eat, than we work on imaging technique, we get all the knowledge we can about what kind of cancer you have and we start kicking ass"_

I called Dr. Scott to come to Brooke's room telling her the good news she smiled hugging us. It was horrible watching as they removed it, I held her hand, she vomited twice so I cleaned her up. They gave her some anti-nausea medication.

Quinn and I helped her to the shower she was so weak she had to lean on us, she was too out of breath to stand so we sat her down, bathing her like a child. I know she was mortified yet she didn't complain, afterwards instead she thanked us.

Quinn changed the bedding as I helped her to dress she sat at the table with Nathan who helped feed her. She rested her head back as he cooled her soup off, they started her on clears since she hadn't eaten in days.

She could only manage a few sips of soup a few bites of Jello before she became nauseated, which Sophia helped her manage. Feeding her ice chunks rubbing her back telling her funny stories of how she coped with it the first few days. " _My pride was so bad when I first came here I refused to allow anyone to help me, so I pretended I was fine even when the nurses told me it was okay not to be okay, I wouldn't allow them, not till the day all of us teens were playing hide and seek in the halls and I vomited all over the head nurses feet, everyone saw girl I was so embarrassed"_

" _So don't be afraid to ask for help, or drugs don't worry about addiction pain management is the key"_ I thought it was great advice since I could see Brooke battling against the waves of pain as we sat there talking. Nathan rubbed her back as I took the spoon feeding her some lemon ice, we took it slow sips of water, than Jello, Than some lemon ice. Breaking in between to talk about school, Quinn told her about breaking up with Austin, about Sherri Alyson deleting Monica Rays from Myspace, which caused Monica to go crazy on her in lunch, they both got suspended.

" _All of it was so cray babe I mean uh so petty and Jake isn't even that cute"_

When she seemed to be getting tired we took it down a notch I brought out her homework. " _Miss. Anna gave us an assignment to be completed in two weeks, I can ask her for an extension if you need Brooke" "What's the paper on?" "How can I change the world?"_ she looked at me strange I shrugged I wasn't making it up. I showed her the homework for math, history, science. She went with Biology first. " _We have a paper due by Friday on stem cells" "Well lets start than Hales I'm starting to get really tired."_

Nathan opened her book which they shared I saw her rest her head on his shoulder yet her eyes stayed glued to the page. I started reading about stem cells.

Stem Cells are undifferentiated biological cells that can differentiate into specialized cells (ie. nerve cells, epithelial cells, blood cells) and can divide (through mitosis) to produce more stem cells.

They are found in multicellular organisms and are classified into broad types: embryonic stem cells, which are isolated from the inner cell mass of blastocysts, and adult stem cells which are found in various tissues. When learning and understanding the mechanisms by which these cells function, we too can understand processes related to neurogenesis and the development of the brain's highly sophisticated topography.

In adult organisms, stem cells and progenitor cells act as a repair system for the body, replenishing adult tissues. In a developing embryo stem cells can differentiate into all the specialized cells—ectoderm, endoderm and mesoderm but also maintain the normal turnover of regenerative organs, such as blood, skin, or intestinal tissues.

There are three known accessible sources of autologous adult stem cells in humans:

Bone Marrow which requires extraction by harvesting, that is, drilling into bone (typically the Femur or ilicac crest.

Adipose tissue (lipid cells), which requires extraction by liposuction.

Blood, which requires extraction through, apheresis where in blood is drawn from the donor (similar to a blood donation), and passed through a machine that extracts the stem cells and returns other portions of the blood to the donor.

Stem cells can also be taken from umbilica cord blood just after birth. Of all stem cell types, autologous harvesting involves the least risk. By definition, autologous cells are obtained from one's own body, just as one may bank his or her own blood for elective surgical procedures.

I could see Nathan was lost but Sophia and Brooke were both piked up in interest. Brooke was the one to answer my question.

 **"** _ _How do we differentiate between Embryonic and Adult Stem Cells?"__

 _"_ _One major difference between adult and embryonic stem cells is their different abilities in the number and type of differentiated cell types they can become_ _Embryonic stem cells_ _can become all cell types of the body because they are_ _pluripotent_ _. Adult stem cells are thought to be limited to differentiating into different cell types of their tissue of origin."_

" _Excellent Brooke excellent"_

Nathan struggled to give an answer so I showed him in smaller steps how to break it down, I swear he played dumber just to get me closer. Brooke however was curious to learn more.


	27. Chapter 27

**Title:** **Life as We Know It**

 **P O V: Dr. Scott**

" _ **Some people come into our lives**_

 _ **and leave footprints on our hearts**_

 _ **and we are never ever the same."**_

It's a beautiful poem I can still remember where I heard it how old I was who said it. I was ten in Mrs. Paula's English class, she said it reminded her of her grand dad who had passed away two weeks before. She asked us to define what it meant to us. I was ten I had never lost anyone so I had no idea what it really meant. I just thought it was beautiful.

Now years later as I stand in the Teen Art Gallery overlooking the huge bay window I touch the wall of hand-prints which we created two years ago when we first opened. This wall was always special to me it contains hand prints of every kid we've ever treated here past and present. Including both of Nathan's and Brooke's simply because they were my kids. I wanted to engrave their hand prints a way for me to preserve how young they were how small.

" _ **I know the road you know ain't quite the way you planned it  
But the twists and turns are all part of the magic**_

 _ **And believe me you'll get through it  
You'll see"**_

Since I've become a mother I've learned a bit about that poem except it's not the footprints that leave prints n my hearts it's the hands. Little pudgy hands that held my bigger stronger hands as they learned to walk for the first steps usually on the sandy beach. Since Tree Hill is a beach resort town every resident who has money have two homes their year round home and their summer beach home.

Inpatient hands learning to feed themselves smearing the food everywhere as they flare around the air their little faces giggling thinking it was hysterical to watch mommy run around breathless trying to cook dinner for her husband, read her Anatomy book, feed her two hungry babies.

 _ **So don't be afraid  
Of the things you cannot change  
As the sun surely follows the rain  
I believe that you can't try to lead or control it  
'Cause that's just life as we know it **_

Those same hands that took the laundry and rearranged it in the basket so they could lay in it be closer to mommy because mommy was so busy trying to juggle medical school, being a wife and a mommy. The latter is what usually suffered the most.

Hands that stopped the fall from the bike when my eight year old child was going too fast so in order to prevent a smashed head she threw her hands up which smashed against the hard hot rocky pavement. She never cried I don't know how I saw the tears well up yet she fought them off as the blood poured out.

She ran to me screaming in pain, so mommy could make it better, those hands shaking in mine as I washed away the blood, dirt, pebbles, while I bandaged it. Then kissed those tiny hands which instantly dried the welled up tears as I tickled her making her laugh her hands pushed me away to stop the on-slaughter.

Blistered hands after hours of cheer and dance practice that she badinaged herself she was growing up so fast, too fast for me. Yet she still asked mommy to hold them massage them make them feel better. I soaked them in warm water, massaged them sung to her as her tired body sagged against mine.

Strong powerful hands that she used to defend against bullies when they went after her best friend the ones that almost got her arrested as a child. Those hands that shoved me away as we fought over allowance, boys, grades wiped away her tears from her eyes as she had her heart broken.

 _ **Well I don't know much but in life there's all these reasons  
And beauty lies in the young child, that's believing  
You know love is all we feel and need  
To breathe **_

The same hands that reached for me when she had a nightmare holding herself against me while she cried her body shaking. Till my gentle rocking motions my soothing hands rubbing circles over her back lured her into a deep sleep, her hands resting against my chest.

No it wasn't footprints that would remain on my heart long after the kids had grown it was hand prints. I think any mother could relate to what I was saying.

" _Dr. Scott"_

I jumped slightly as I heard my colleague voice calling out to me as I pulled my hand back form Brooke and Nathan's hand prints only two years ago yet they've grown so much. Their not my little babies anymore yet to me they will always be my babies.

" _Yes Bleue?"_

" _The nurses are ready to give report and Brooke's been asking for you what shall I tell them?"_

Wiping away my tears I let out a deep breath " _Tell them I am ready I will be there in five minutes"_

" _Of course Dr. Scott, Deborah it may not be my place but I just want you to know that we all love Brooke, Nathan here she's going to receive the best care possible, she's a fighter will help her fight"_

" _Thank you Bleue I know you girls are amazing, I just have to trust Brooke to fight like hell and trust medicine"_

She left me to gather myself which took a few minutes sending a text to Lea I asked her to pick up a few coffee orders while I went to get report.

Twenty minutes later I had completed my first set of rounds talking to the parents of Fourteen year old Antwan Jorgenson going over the plan to surgical remove his tumor that was attached to his kidney. Comforting the parents of thirteen year old Jay Dustin who was declared terminal. Going over the next steps discussing what his parents wanted to do keep him in the hospital or take him home to live his final days weeks. Unlike most doctors who keep a professional distance I've always done the opposite I've grown closer to my patients their families.

I attend BBQ's at their homes, I go to their graduations, weddings, funerals. So when I can't save a child I don't just feel the pain of losing that child as a patient but as a friend a son a daughter mostly though I feel their families pain.

While I normally keep myself together for their sakes today I couldn't Jay is a special young man a huge baseball fan star of the Tree Hill Slammers he was also a volunteer at the Tree Hill Animal shelter three days a week. He was studying to become a vet. He was also a Junior Firefighter all while battling Medulloblastoma. More though it was now that as a parent I truly understood what it was like to hear the diagnose of Cancer in a child that I loved.

After I left them I took a moment to refresh myself before going out to see my staff. Who were all crowded around the desk. Waiting for me as soon as I approached Bleue and Rhonda Amanda two of the R.N's on duty today came right over to me.

" _Will be the two assigned to Brooke today anything any of you ever need please come to us"_

" _Thank you so much you girls are the best, I'm about to go in and give Sophia and Brooke their full diagnosis would you both accompany me as soon as we talk I want to began treatment"_

Lea came up as we headed to the room with the coffee and tea I had ordered. My heart was racing It was taking everything inside of me to compose myself. I have given the diagnosis of Cancer so many times over the year, I've watched the shock, horror disbelief anger scroll across their faces. I've bore the bunt of their feelings. I've done the doctor thing explaining the odds, treatment. As their eyes searched me for hope assurance that I would save their beloved child.

Yet I always knew that no matter how much hope I gave them the odds for certain cancers were not in the favors. This was one of those times except I was the mother and the doctor all in one. There was no one too look towards for hope reassurance because I already knew the answers.

Now I just had to tell my daughter that she had.


	28. Chapter 28

**Title:** **Life As We Know It**

 **Artist: Justin Bieber/ McClain Sisters**

 **Songs: Be Alright/ Rise**

 **P O V: Dr. Scott**

" _Leukemia is a cancer that starts in early blood-forming cells found in the bone marrow, the soft inner part of certain bones. Most often, leukemia is a cancer of the white blood cells, but some leukemias start in other blood cell types._ _Any of the blood-forming cells from the bone marrow can turn into a leukemia cell. Once this change takes place, the leukemia cells no longer mature in a normal way. Leukemia cells might reproduce quickly, and not die when they should. These cells build up in the bone marrow, crowding out normal cells. In most cases, the leukemia cells spill into the bloodstream fairly quickly. From there they can go to other parts of the body such as the lymph nodes, spleen, liver, central nervous system (the brain and spinal cord), testicles, or other organs, where they can keep other cells in the body from doing their jobs."_

" _Sophia"_ She sipped her English Breakfast tea slowly as Brooke squeezed her hand I could see Sophia was trying not to show her nervousness she didn't look to her mom Edele who sat even more nervously writing notes down in a notebook. Edele however did look towards her Fiancée Brennan. Who spoke up first clutching his wife's frightened hand.

" _Dr. Scott so your saying Sophia has Leukemia?" "Yes however the good news is that Sophia has ALL Acute lymphocytic_ _Leukemia the term "acute" refers to the tendency of this disease to progress rapidly. "Lymphoblastic" refers to the white blood cells, which are also called lymphocytes. Normally, lymphocytes mature into an important part of the body's defense system against infections. But in ALL, something interrupts normal cell development. The result is an overabundance of incompetent, "blastic" immature cells. Their presence affects a person in two ways:_

 _#1. By crowding. Lymphocytes are made in the bone marrow, the spongy tissue inside the large bones of the body. But other vital blood components are made there, too — red blood cells needed to carry oxygen to tissues, and platelets that are needed to stop bleeding through clotting. When immature lymphocytes crowd out red blood cell production, the body does not receive all the oxygen it needs. As a result, anemia develops. And when immature lymphocytes crowd out platelets, the child bleeds and bruises easily._

Sophia nodded _"That's why I had nosebleeds after my allergies would flare up Mam"_ Her mom squeezed her hand tears welling up as she brought it to her mouth kissing it.

 _2\. By invading other organs, such as the spinal cord and brain, liver, or spleen. The presence of lymphocytes in impairs function here, too."_

" _Sophia the good news sweetie is that you were brought in early so we caught it early_ _we can classify you as a standard case_ _you have what's known as_ _Early precursor B (early pre-B) ALL with treatment I expect you to make a full recovery, of course there's always risk of infections but we will monitor you closely" "Will began treatment today"_

" _Dr. Scott?" "Yes Brennan?" "What does Treatment mean? We don't have a lot of money and our insurance is basic coverage we don't even live here in the states, will we still be covered?"_

" _Brennan money is not my concern making sure Sophia gets the help she needs to live a productive life is my only concern we will work out a payment plan later the hospital will work with you we have a Ronald McDonald house for families to stay in if their not local."_

" _Thank You Dr. Scott"_ Clutching his hand I nodded smiling as Bleue started explaining treatment I saw Brooke's eyes staring at Sophia she was smiling sadly. Hugging Sophia who was crying I didn't know if it was tears of sadness because even hough ALL is the better form of Leukemia to have it's still cancer it's still scary it's still painful and still deadly if not treated in time. Or if she was crying in relief because I was promising she'd be okay which I honestly couldn't make such a promise because even withabout 98 percent of children with ALL go into remission within weeks after starting treatment. 90 percent of those children can be cured. Patients are considered cured after 10 years in remission. There is still that 10% that don't make a full recovery and no one ever thinks they will be part of that 10% the truth is you just never know. All kinds of factors go into treatment and recovery. Age, the white blood cell count at diagnosis whether or not the patient has been previously treated for leukemia results of specific tests on the Leukemia cells, especially cytogenetic or chromosome tests. Sophia was lucky her white cell count wasn't extraordinary high nor was it dangerously low. Her latest CBC from this morning was 20,220. I tuned back in to hear Bleue saying to Sophia and her parents about treatment.

" _Treatment for ALL takes place in three parts Induction to kill the leukemia cells in the blood and bone marrow and put the disease into remission which is a return to normal blood cell counts that usually lasts 3-6 weeks in the hospital._ _Consolidation/intensification to rid the body of any remaining cells that could begin to grow and cause the leukemia to return relapse_ _that's usually done as an outpatient for six months_ _. Maintenance to destroy any cancer cells that might have survived the first two phases_ _that will be for another two years."_

" _Sophia You'll be receiving Chemotherapy by mouth at night with a drug called Fludarabine every week night, You'll also be getting Vincristine by IV through you're central line Monday through Friday that'll take about 5-10 minutes to drip into you're system but you can move around, we encourage you to do so"_

The next twenty minutes were spent answering questions, concerns that Sophia's parents had I was so proud of Brooke. I could see how scared she was waiting for me to talk to her, yet she was comforting her new friend holding her stroking her hair. I could hear her whispering to her " _My mom is the best you're in amazing hands she'll cure you, if she says you'll be fine than believe it baby" "I want to I am just so scared"_ Sophia's parents tried to comfort her I could see them pushing away their own fears trying to be there for their daughter. Nothing seemed to work though. I could see how frustrated Brooke was she wanted her to feel better so what did my amazing daughter do? She started singing no one knows besides Nathan and I that Brooke has an amazing singing voice she keeps it under wraps, she knows how much Peyton wants to make it in the music world so she lets her shine in music and she stays to dance.

" _ **I know it's hard, babe, to sleep at night  
But don't you worry,  
'Cause everything's gonna be alright,  
Be alright  
Through the sorrow and the fights,  
Don't you worry,  
'Cause everything's gonna be alright,  
Be alright" **_

Sophia grinned suddenly reaching up to hug her Brooke rubbed her back as Sophia's mom handed her a tissue so she could clean herself up. Brooke's clear voice still singing beautifully strong.

" **S** _ **o dry those tears from your eyes**_ _ **  
**_ _ **And everything will be alright**_ _ **  
**_ _ **You know the rainbow's just in sight**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Dust your wings off as you rise**_ _ **  
**_ _ **If your heart feels overwhelmed**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Just know you're never by yourself**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Put your hand in mine, hold your head up high**_ _ **  
**_ _ **And together we'll rise"**_ __

" _Brooke my baby"_ I squeezed her hand as I felt Nathan shift in the bed his arm wrapped tighter around her as she pulled out a notebook, he noticed her hand shaking at the same moment I did so carefully wordlessly he reached over taking it from her. She didn't fight him.

I hope she would keep that fight in her we would all need it. I tried to find the words to tell her yet my mouth felt so dry my head was swimming. What was wrong with me? I found the words to so easily tell Sophia's family yet when it came to Brooke I couldn't. My breathing felt tight when I felt her little hand squeeze mine looking up I found myself staring straight into her beautiful eyes filled with total trust.

" _Mom whatever it is no matter how bad we can handle this, I know you'll be by my side, I know you will help me fight"_ How did I get so lucky? I should be shocked I mean last week Brooke was a typical fifteen year old getting mad at me for grounding her when she stayed out to late. Screaming at me crying stomping her feet slamming the door to her room. Now she was sitting here about to hear the worst news of her life and she was comforting me, how did she mature so fast? It makes me mad Cancer does that it robs these kids of their innocence their youth their freedom they have to grow up so fast too fast.

" _I'm not so lucky am I mom?"_ Shaking my head at her response I stared at her what was she talking about? I heard her take a deep breath as she sat up straighter taking Nathan's hand from her back laying it in her lap where she clutched it. 

" _You said ALL was the most common form of Leukemia one of the easiest to treat, so if life is like a lottery than Sophia got the winning ticket we both know two people in the same room winning the same lotto at the same time is a 1-100% ratio, So what do I have mom?"_

I was speechless staring at her Nathan spoke up _"Mom we know it's cancer you said that as much so just tell us so we can start to fight this beast, knowing can't hurt us what can hurt us is not knowing what were dealing with"_

When did he become so mature? Last week he was fussing and bitching because I made him come in early from basketball practice when the temperature dropped too low he cursed threw a fit saying I would never understand the dedication it took to become a professional Ball player.

He was so immature I grounded him for two weeks screaming at him to grow up which he responded with by cursing me out screaming that he was a teenager it wasn't his job to be a grownup he was suppose to be immature. Now he was holding Brooke's hand staring me in the eyes asking me to take away what little immaturity he had left.

" _You're right Brooke it's bad really bad you have what's known as M7_ _Acute megakaryoblastic leukemia._ _M_ _egakaryoblastic_ _are_ _cells that normally become megakaryocytes, the cells that make platelets. In acute myeloid leukemia AML , too many immature white blood cells called myeloid blasts are made. These leukemia cells are abnormal and cannot mature into normal white blood cells._

" _M7 is rare but we are not giving up Brooke were starting with a very aggressive form of treatment_ _we've been giving you transfusions of platelets and red blood cells since you've gotten here trying to build you back up, we did a leukapheresis treatment to lower you're white cell count now we start with Chemotherapy."_

" _Will she have the same treatment plan as Sophia?"_ Nathan asked bravely I saw the anger burying behind his eyes as Brooke was trying to control her breathing, too fight off her tears that had welled up. I wished I could tell my son that yes she would have the same plan as Sophia.

" _No treatment for AML is different because it's so aggressive we need to be just as aggressive if not more. Will start with a Remission induction round which will hit you with three drugs to help get you into remission._

 _Cytarabine which will give you every weekday through an injection_ _usually mid morning. The next drug will be_ _Fludarabine_ _through a drip which will take about 30 minutes, you'll get this every day in the afternoon"_

" _Each night will give you Cyclophosphamiade as a tablet along with fluids before each treatment. Will do Radiation to target the cells that are attacking you're spinal fluid"_

" _Induction usually lasts 3-6 weeks but can vary depending how well you respond to the drugs, we declare Remission when there is 5% or less Blasts in you're blood work. You'll remain as an inpatient till we get you into Remission, After wards you'll have Consolidation_ _as an outpatient will give you s_ _everal cycles of high-dose cytarabine. Th_ _is_ _is given at very high doses, typically over 5 days. This is repeated about every 4 weeks, usually for a total of 3 or 4 cycles"_

Brooke could only nod as Sophia and Nathan hugged her, her lack of response instantly worried me so I took her hands. " _Talk to me Brooke don't sink back into that hole what are you feeling?" "Scared really scared, it's all so overwhelming"_

" _I know it is baby but you'll have a whole team here for you not just the three of us we also have child life therapists to help you cope, physical and occupational therapists, social workers, music, art therapists,_ _ **Dietitian/Nutritionist**_ _,_ _ **Patient Navigator**_ _ **Clergy**_ _ **Surgical oncologist. Dr. Lindsay you met already. A**_ _ **Radiation oncologist. Psychiatrist**_ _ **do not let this defeat you sweetheart you have to fight I promise you both girls**_ _ **I will do everything to make sure you both get through this trust me trust the whole team"**_

 **Sophia still looked scared but Brooke cleared get throat making a fist to fist bump Sophia.**

 **" _We do Dr. Scott will kick Cancer's ass right Sophia?"_**

 **" _Right Brooke together"_** **Brooke grinned replying** _ **"Together"**_


	29. Chapter 29

**Title:** Life As We Know It

 **Song: Your Eyes**

 **Artist: Alez Johnson/ Instant Star**

 **P O V: Karen's**

" _Luke's been arres_ _ted Keith!" "How could he be so stupid! Why would he punch Brooke Davis?"_

" _I don't know Karen I can't even start to figure it out, the only thing I can figure is he was protecting Haley"_

 _'That doesn't give him the right to hit her never mind punch her!"_

" _I get it Karen believe me I do"_

Slamming the car door standing in the parking lot of the hospital I couldn't shake the anger inside of me of seeing my only son sitting in the juvenile detention center wearing the Grey issued pants and a T-Shirt. Still in shock that he had been arrested over a small in school fight that had been forgotten about by the next period. His blond hair ruffled his eyes filled with confusion and fear. How he sounded so small when he kept apologizing to me over and over. 

It made little difference to me I have raised Luke to be an honorable respectable young man to never lay a hand on another person never a woman. Keith wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we walked inside to the Deborah Scott Pediatric Oncology/ Hematology Unit. Chills went through me I couldn't even imagine being told my son had a serious life threating illness.

It was hellish enough seeing him in Juvie yet here we were about to visit someone who I considered my niece maybe because of my son.

" _Knock Knock!"_ Everyone in the room turned to us the young woman in the first bed who had family coming out of the wood work by her. In the next bed lay Brooke with Quinn sitting on her right, Haley the left and Nathan next to her. Deb was in the chair talking to her as soon as she saw us she smiled waving us in.

 _Hello I'm Karen Roe from Karen's cafe this is my boyfriend Keith"_ I introduced myself to the young lady in the first bed as well as her family. She replied sweetly with a beautiful Irish accent. _"Lovely to meet you I am Sophia O'Bryan this is my mam Edele my stepfather Brennan my sisters Karissa, Molly,_ _Alanna, My brothers Bartley, Faolan, Seamus, My aunt Aileen her husband Tucker their kids Erin, Lindsay, Colin"_ Shaking hands with everyone I offered the family cupcakes which they eagerly thanked me for.

Finally approaching Brooke who looked shocked and nervous to me I handed Deb the cupcakes and pot of soup wrapping my arms around Brooke feeling her stiffen in my arms my heart breaking for her. " _Sweetheart I am so sorry you have to go through this" "I can not believe Luke punched you!" "It's okay Karen I deserve it" "No sweetheart you don't" "It's my punishment for everything I did to Haley and every other girl, it's Karma the only reason you're son is in jail now, he was defending Haley he didn't do anything wrong,_ Brooke looked up sadly scared towards Deb " _I was bullying her he just stepped up and did what you always taught him to respect ladies like Haley, something I wasn't doing so he put me in my place" "He almost killed you Brooke" "He didn't know Karen no one did"_ Running my hands across her baby face I felt how scared she was her skin was shaking even though she was talking with a straight voice.

Haley spoke up first before I could reply how did you reply when a 15 year old told you she had cancer because she deserved it because Karma was paying her back? " _Brooke we've been over this I forgive you start forgiving yourself, you do not deserve Cancer no one does, you need to start thinking positive thoughts."_

" _There are so many of us who love you here who support you who believe in you" "Brooke we can only do so much though you have to fight and fight hard"_

" _I will Haley I will for you to show you I can be a better person, someone who deserves to live"_

Deb spoke up taking Brooke's hand " _You do deserve to live babe and you will we have the top of the line_ _institution_ _here with the strongest meds we will win this fight,_ _you have to stay strong I won't let you give up"_

Instantly I wrapped my arms around her holding her tight finally she relaxed in my embrace _"_ _Listen to Deb she's been doing this along time she knows her stuff, she won't let you die"_ " _I know Aunt Karen still_ _I am sorry about Luke I wish things were different" "Maybe they can be Aunt Karen"_ Nathan spoke up earing my glance " _Nathan I am so sorry I didn't even" "No worries Karen I know Brooke is on everyone's mind as she should be"_ Getting up I went over to Nathan he had grown so much over the last year it was unreal. " _Nathan I would love to hear what you have in mind, let me talk to you're mom first and we will talk" "That's fine Aunt Karen"_

Keith, Deb and I went into the hallway leaving the kids some alone time. Heading to break room she poured us some coffee. I could see her hands shaking leaving me to believe she wasn't telling us everything. Going over to her I placed mine on top of Deb's. I've known her for so long she was practically a sister to me. I know how strong how proud she is she would never let Brooke or Nathan see her fear. " _What is it Deb?" "I don't know where to start first how angry I am that Luke of all people put his hands on her he could of killed her" "I know_ _D_ _eb I am in shock trust me I've raised him to be better than that" "Second that Brooke was bullying Haley that badly and I never saw it, I knew she was picking on her I never knew the extent to Haley told me today,_ _I feel like I failed her as a parent maybe Victoria rubbed off on her, how could Brooke ever think it's right to do that? How could Nathan stand by and let it happen? I taught them both that was wrong" 'Deb kids will be kids no matter how much we teach them no matter what we try to install in them they will be influenced by their peers by TV by music. We do the best we can with them the rest is up to them, their good kids all of them they just have to make their mistakes, we have to be there to pick them up" "In my heart Karen I know that but Brooke almost died from the collection of their mistakes, I haven't told them the whole truth when Brooke was brought in_ _her blood supply was so low she was bleeding inside for weeks maybe even months and no one knew it Luke's punch caused her to bleed so bad internally if she hadn't passed out in front of Peyton if someone hadn't found her she would have been dead by Friday night"_

No one could explain the cold chill that goes through their body upon hearing those words unless you're a parent unless your child almost died or almost caused the death of another child. Hearing this brought me to tears instantly Deb's arms were around me holding me as those tears escaped. Keith's arms hugged me from the other side.

" _How serious is this type of Cancer Deb?"_

" _She has a 57% chance of survival Karen that was Friday when she was brought in but she's lost days worth of treatment because of her spleen surgery and recovery, plus her depression she refused to eat she fought against medication for pain"_

" _What's her chances now Deb?"_

" _50% maybe if she gives it everything she has"_

" _Well she will Deb we all will we will fight for her with her she's not alone neither are you"_

" _What we need Karen is a way to get our boys to stop going to war with each other"_

" _I know we need the boys to work together Deb maybe if we talk to Coach Durham maybe he can think of something,_

" _Karen, lets hear what Nathan has to say"_

" _We may need a bone marrow donor if Chemo doesn't work, she has no siblings though, she'll have to go into the registry"_

" _Keith and I will be tested will get Lucas tested, I'm sure Nathan will and Peyton"_

" _Brooke doesn't want Peyton to know"_

Heading back we saw Brooke was asleep in Quinn and Nathan's arms while Haley tutored Nathan in Biology the poor kid looked lost.

" _ **What are the two main groups into which cells are classified?"**_

" _Think of words that may help you Nate"_ Haley tried to help him yet he still looked confused I saw Deb's look she was thinking to herself I should be worried as his mother that he couldn't gasp the subject she spent her whole life devoted to yet he was looking at Haley with such an intensity we both knew he understood what she was saying he could probably answer it in his sleep, he was just trying to get her to pay attention.

" _Like what?"_

" _What does the first word start with?"_

" _E?"_

" _So think of something that starts with E that sounds close to it"_

" _Eat"_

" _No Nathan it's not related to food"_

" _Damn I am so hungry to "_

" _There's cupcakes and soup Nate"_

Nathan flashed a smile at me before eying Brooke and Sophia. _"Thanks but they need the food more I'll grab something later"_

" _Focus Nathan"_ Haley rolled her eyes huffing as he arched his eyebrow " _On food always" "No Nathan not on food on what we we're talking about" "What were we talking about?"_

" _Nathan!"_ He shrugged causing Haley to groan softly so not to wake Brooke. Nathan ducked against the flying book Haley sent his way as Quinn grabbed her sister " _Calm down Hales he's only playing" "Uh he's driving me crazy"_ So what did my son do? He started singing " _I drive you crazy and you just can't see you secretly like me"_

" _Uh no fair using Britney Spears_ _against me"_

" _She's not denying it though Nate"_

" _Quinn!" Who's side are you on?"_

" _Brooke's always"_

" _Uh you play dirty"_

" _I like dirty"_

" _Okay kids parents in the room"_

Quinn blushed covering her mouth giggling as Haley hit her. " _Nathan"_ Deb warned him with one eyebrow he settled down. " _Okay words that start with E" "Europe I always wanted to go there Brooke says it's beautiful" "Eureka he got it"_ Quinn cheered causing Nathan to call out _"Eukaryotic cells" "Yasss"_ Haley and Quinn bumped fists as Deb Keith and I sat sipping our coffee eating cupcakes watching. _"What's the second word start with Nate?" "P like Pro as in I am going to go Pro baller one day"_ They laughed as they threw pillows at him. " _So what does that mean? "It means Haley girl that c_ _ells can be classified as prokaryotes and eukaryotes" "_ _W_ _hat's the differences between them Mr. Pro?"_ Everyone laughed _Eukaryotic cells contain membrane-bound organelles, such as the nucleus, while prokaryotic cells do not. Differences in cellular structure of prokaryotes and eukaryotes include the presence of mitochondria and chloroplasts, the cell wall, and the structure of chromosom_ _al DNA"_

The girls bumped fists than hugged Nathan who winked at us he was a player alright in so many ways yet I found it refreshing. " _Nathan why don't we go in the hall and talk about how we can settle things between you and Lucas"_

"Sure Aunt Karen ladies I shall return try not to miss me too much"

They groaned shoving him off the bed laughing as Haley took his spot on the bed laying down by Brooke who didn't stir once. Deb followed us we were silent as we entered the sky cafe which was surprisingly still open even at his hour. Grabbing food for Nathan I watched Deb talking to someone as Nathan and I sat down. She came back a few minutes later. " _Nathan this is Sally Lambstein she's the general manager of the nutrition if you ever need anything to eat while Brooke's here just ask her no charge Nathan she'll take care of you, Haley and Quinn" "Thanks Mom nice to meet you Mrs. Lamb_ _s_ _tein" "You as well Nathan you make Tree Hill proud" "Thank you Ma'am"_

After she left Deb sat down sighing Nathan started off " _I hate what Luke di_ _d I hate that we're brothers, I hate that we've never gotten a chance to be real brothers, maybe that can change brothers are suppose to be there for each other, right now I need Luke to help me"_

" _How exactly can my boy help Nathan?"_

" _Easy he's a decent ball player"_

" _Decent well Nathan I know you don't like Luke much but he's more than decent he's an amazing ball player"_

" _That can be debated Aunt Karen in time"_

" _What can't be is that Brooke needs treatment she needs support she doesn't have time so I need to be with her now, to do that I leave my spot on the team open, Luke could get that if Coach goes for it, I'll talk to the school have them drop the charges, I'll talk to the police my mom's friends with the Chief"_

" _You would do that for Luke Nathan?"_

" _No Aunt Karen I'd do it for Brooke Luke just benefits from it"_

I wasn't sure Luke would like this but right now I needed my son free and Brooke needed Nathan so we would have to strike a deal. Now only if the police and school went for it. We sat talking for a little bit as Nathan ate his food.

I tried to shake this feeling that arose from the pit of my stomach as I sipped my now cold coffee looking around at the various people lingering at this hour. One lady sat in a corner booth holding a crying toddler while trying to eat a salad, a college book laying on the table which she was trying to read she looked tired. I could see Deb watching her as well. " _I remember those days trying to juggle college a husband and two kids" "You did it though Deb you graduated top of you're class built this amazing center you saved hundreds of kids" "_ _I lost a few along the way as well" "Yes all wars have casualties but they also have hero's warriors and survivors Brooke will be a survivor" "I hope so Deb I hope so"_ I think for a moment she forgot Nathan was sitting there, I saw him look up watching her his eyes filled with new worries, doubts, squeezing his hand I kept him silent knowing she was lost in her memories.

I only hoped I was right that Brooke would be a survivor.

When we got back to the room the night nurse Rhonda was just giving Brooke her pills.

" _Hey Sweetie"_ She called out " _What's this?"_ Brooke questioned _"This sweetheart is you're cocktail" "Don't you know I am too young to drink I'm only 15"_ She was tryingbe funny even though we all knew Brooke's been drinking since she was 13. She laughed ruffling her hair. _"I wish it was a real cocktail"_ Rhonda laughed again as she points to each pill naming them and what their for.

" _Fumarate for you're Iron_

 _Effer-K- for Potassium_

 _Midodrine -Low Blood Pressure'_

 _Zofran- For Anti- Nausea_

 _Methylprednisolone- Steroids_

 _Cyclophosphamiade- Chemo_

" _Of course we're giving you fluids through you're iV to help give you strength as well as another transfusion"_

Taking her hands Quinn, Haley her left hand, Deb and I her right hand we were impressed at how calm Brooke remained asking Rhonda questions.

" _How long before I get sick?_ " _"_ _It varies for everyone sweetie could be in an hour could be tomorrow" "Is there a chance I won't get sick?" "I'm afraid not sweetheart it happens to everyone" "Will I lose my hair?"_ Her eyes were filled with sympathy concern as she softly replied _"Yes baby I am sorry to say you will but it will grow back"_

Brooke laid back I stroked her hair as I asked her what she was thinking about she didn't reply instantly but after a few minutes she swallowed softly mouthing " _Peyton I miss her already"_ _She could always get me to sleep when she sang._ _I can't tell her what I have but I can't help but wonder if she knew what she would say how would the conversation go?_ _. "Hey bestie remember all those plans we had? Yeah well guess what I have cancer I may not get to grow up to see them happen"_

" _Brooke You will get to grow up I know you're scared but you will beat this now lay back_ Quinn pulled her head into her lap as Haley got her guitar " _i know I'm not Peyton Brooke but I will sing to you everyday to take away your pain, fears, confusions, doubts worries, even if it's just to get you to sleep so close those beautiful eyes let me take you to dream land"_

 _ **Would you be right there to catch me?  
If I was dreaming of your kiss  
Mmm, would you look right through me?**_

 _ **(Oh I) On the street I'm waiting  
(Oh I) In my heart it's raining**_

 _ **Chours  
Your eyes are holding up the sky**_

 _ **Your eyes make me weak I don't know why  
And baby your eyes make me scared to tell the truth  
I thought my heart was bulletproof  
Now I'm dancing on the roof  
And everybody knows, I'm into you**_


	30. Chapter 30

**Pinot Grigio Girls**

 **February 5th 2003**

 **P O V: Nathan**

" _What was the first emotion that you felt when you heard the words "You have Cancer?"_

Dr. Kady Valdez sat between Sophia and Brooke who were on two bean bag chairs shaped like lions, Sophia's mom and I sat on the elephant shaped couch. Sophia licked her lips the first to speak " _Fear"_ She played with her hoodie string. Kady wrote down everything that was being discussed her eyes darting between Sophia and her notebook.

" _That's okay Sophia it's perfectly natural to be afraid"_

" _Brooke?"_

I could see her gritting her teeth she hated this she's never been one to talk about her feelings neither one of us ever were. However I felt I had to be stronger I had to show her the way. So I spoke up first clearing my throat Dr. Kady went to her fridge handing me a water, offering her my thanks I voiced the first thought I had when I heard those words.

" _Anger why Brooke? Why when she's suffered so much already why did she have to get Cancer? I felt like I had to be the one to step up though so I couldn't let my anger control me, so I went to pray I've never been religious but I thought we're only 15, we can't handle this alone so I prayed and I meet a little boy there he's ten I knew he had cancer I've seen him before he's one of my mom's patients I asked him if he ever asked God why him? He looked at me with these confused eyes and said to me; No instead I asked myself why not me? The bible says a child shall lead, maybe this is God's way of saying Jamie you can lead you can show the world compassion strength love, so that's what I will do"_

 _I'm still angry yet I see something different when I look at Brooke I see hope, Jesus doesn't make mistakes he makes miracles happen he gives us struggles so we can see the beauty in this world, I believe he made Brooke because it's in his plan that Brooke will change the world she'll do amazing things to do that though she needs to heal, healing starts with admitting how you are feeling"_

Getting up I went over taking her hand kissing it " _I'm not afraid Brooke to admit I was crying so hard that night I hate seeing you sick hurt in pain" "Wait Nathan"_ Her head snapped up her beautiful hazel eyes stared into mine " _You were crying?" "Yes" "I'm sorry Nathan you shouldn't have to be afraid or sad" "Neither should you Brooke this isn't you're fault you don't deserve it" "I feel like you're missing so much for me Nate" "I am but I don't care Brooke I will miss everything to be by you're side so make it worth it fight start talking stop hiding"_

I kissed her forehead as Edele squeezed her hand talking to their psychiatrist Kady who listened her full attention directed to Edele.

" _What do these girls need to do to get their minds focused in the right direction?"_

" _Start by closing their eyes taking deep breaths"_ They did as she asked she counted slowly " _Think of someone or something that makes you happy Nathan, Edele; I want both of you do this as well, to help Sophia and Brooke you both need to be in the right frame of minds"_

" _Take my hand Sophia if you're scared"_ Brooke reached out offering Sophia s mile which she returned taking her hand.

" _A positive mind can change a whole outlook care to share what you're picturing Sophia? You have a giant smile on you're face"_

" _That's cause I'm picturing my friends and I back home we're Irish Step dancers we train long hours I was heading to my first world this summer, when we dance it sounds like thunder I imagine all my friends and I lining up to dance all over these stupid cancer cells, our shoes man their lethal"_

" _Excellent start Sophia you're on the correct path imagine the cancer cells as weak lost"_ Kady pumped her fist

" _Will kick them right out of my blood!"_ Following her suit Sophia pumped her fist cheering Edele screamed like a wild woman blushing " _Sorry Sports mam here I spontaneously erupt in cheers at times"_ this caused all of us to laugh loudly. Her face took on a deeper color of red as she sat back down by me rubbing her back I shock my head she shrugged.

" _Will keep dancing even after the music ends because we won't let any cell escape us"_

" _The music won't end"_ Brooke added " _Cause my friends and I won't let it we love music and dance, I'll play the flute for you the piano Haley and I will sing, will beat cancer together"_

" _i picture myself riding on a ghost note the cells won't know I am even there till I'm right on top of them than I will release my army of musical genius's Haley will be like a_ _Tablature_ _she'll confuse the cells sending them flying in all different directions,_ _Peyton will be on a_ _Neutral clef,_ _Jake will be our secret weapon the F clef just as the cells start to think they found their way to him will combine our forces and send them flying_ _across the galaxy!"_

" _Will send them away with a day in your life"_

Brooke started to sing her voice soft yet powerful.

 _ **Remember, woah oh**_ _ **  
**_ _ **I treasure, woah oh**_ _ **  
**_ _ **The world can be so cold and such a lonely place**_ _ **  
**_ _ **When you're out there on your own**_ _ **  
**_ _ **In a crowd it seems you're just another face**_ _ **  
**_ _ **And you're feeling so alone**_ _ **  
**_

" _Excellent send Cancer a message you can't mess with me!"_ Kady jumped up dancing waving her fist around Edele grabbed my hand and started doing some kind of line dancing that got me so twisted up I fell flat on my face. The girls laughed as Brooke jumped up pulling Sophia with her.

 _ ****_ _ **You've got the live for the moment yeah**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Before the moment is gone**_ _ ****_

 _ **You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching you**_ _ **  
**_ _ **And you've gotta love like you've never been hurt**_ _ **  
**_ _ **And everytime that someone tries to bring you down**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Remember, it's a day in your life**_ _ **  
**_ _ **So treasure every day in your life**_ _ **  
**_

Sophia started dancing the jig along with her mom, Brooke being the amazing dancer she is picked it up instantly soon they were dancing flying through the air as Brooke's voice carried on strong.

 _ ****_ _ **You've gotta live beyond your limitations yeah**_ _ **  
**_ _ **And keep your dreams alive**_ _ **  
**_ _ **Even though you're feeling this frustration yeah**_ _ **  
**_ _ **You've gotta push it all aside**_ __

Settling down on the couch now the girls were panting laughing as Bleue came in with her stethoscope and pulse ox meter. " _I'm glad to see you two smiling and laughing giving Dr. Valdez you're full attention I hope" "Yes Miss Blue-Jay we are tweeting all our energy to her"_ Bleue groaned as she took Sophia's vitals first. " _Excellent Miss Sophia"_ She pumped her fist smiling at Brooke who seemed to be panting more than her. Bleue stared at her longer " _Oh oh Soph I'm getting the birds eye from Miss Blue- Jay"_ this earned her a swat on her butt I'm not sure how she managed it when Brooke was sitting but she did Brooke squeaked. " _I just got peeked by that pesty bird"_ Bleue groaned as she took her vitals _"Enough with the bird jokes Brooke, you're pulse is a little too fast for my like, I want you to rest for awhile"_

I knew Brooke wasn't happy about it but she followed Bleue's orders Edele and Sophia went for a walk around the hospital. While Brooke climbened into bed Bleue followed us into the room. I saw Brooke's eyes flutter open as she watched her hang a bag filled with chemo.

" _Fludarabine?_ _"_ Brooke asked as Bleue nodded hanging another bag of fluids she nodded closing her eyes I watched as her breathing eased. Kissing her head softly I whispered I would be back. It was now or never to go talk to the school. Texting my mom that I was leaving I waited till she got there so she could sit with Brooke. She gave me a quick hug telling me she was proud.

By the time I got back I saw Brooke was just waking up something I think she regretted as she closed her eyes quickly groaning. I saw the waves of agony washing over her even though she tried not to show it. Mom moved fast grabbing the basin helping her to sit up. I reached her other side just as she started vomiting. Holding back her hair I rubbed her back as she emptied herself over and over. Bleue came in with a shot of lorazepam which helped her relax a little going back to sleep.

Sophia and her mom returned later as my mom and I were just finishing up our conversation. " _Coach Durham and Coach Ally are coming by tonight they were in class so I couldn't talk to them, the school agreed to drop charges, I talked to The Chief of Police they won't go ahead"_ _"I'm proud of you Nathan I'm sure Karen is happy, I'll call her now, she'll probably be by tonight but I'm on call, I have to go do rounds now just try to let Brooke sleep she's going to be very sick for the rest of the day"_

When she left I saw Edele come over Sophia was also resting now Edele looked pretty tired herself. So I offered to keep an eye on them while she took a nap she smiled as a thank you taking me up on the offer. My cell buzzed as I glanced back again at both girls.

 **Haley J to Nathan**

" **Going to over Karen at the Cafe after school for awhile so she can visit Brooke, Quinn will be by to see you all after school, I'll drop by later, How is she?"**

Sending her a quick reply about her condition I thanked her telling her to have a good day. The next message came through it was Peyton.

 **Peyton To Nathan**

" **Nate what's up with everyone? Brooke's not answering is she okay? Ellie and I are on the road so reception is shot, we're heading to Nashville first to check out all the awesomeness that lays there. Someone please update me. I miss you both so much!"**

 **Nathan To Peyton**

" **Sorry babe it's been crazy here Brooke had a therapy session than some more tests, she hasn't had her phone with her, she's sleeping now, all is well. How are you and Ellie? Having fun? Will have to web chat as soon as you are in a good location."**

I hated lying to her but I understood Brooke's reasons even if I knew Peyton never would. I still had to honor them. " _Nathan"_ Brooke's voice called out softly as she struggled to sit up. I jumped up knowing what was going to happen. I got there just in time as she threw up again and again for the next three hours her and Sophia were both sick as hell. It killed me seeing her so nauseated and dizzy. Edele woke up after an hours nap the two of us spent all afternoon changing basin's covering their foreheads in damp cold wash rags. Changing gowns, holding hands as they vomited till they passed out from exhaustion.

In between them getting sick I sent as much time studying as I could some subjects I sailed through easily like Math, Biology, others I was rubbish at English. Edele tried to help me but the curriculum over in Ireland was totally different so she was only a limited help.

I was never so glad to see Karen, Coach Ally and Coach Durham in my life I needed a break from studying. After the usual hugs Coach sat down by me slapping my knee. " _So Nate life's changed a wee bit for you huh?" "Yes 'Sir" "Well son I can't even start to say how sorry I am for you as well as Brooke you're both amazing kids with bright future's ahead of you are you sure you want to do this?" "Yes "Sir I need to do this"_ I quickly filled them both in on what Brooke's parents had said cutting her off, they shock their heads sadly I saw tears well up in Miss. Ally's eyes as she went over to her bedside gently taking her hand. Brooke didn't even stir which I was thankful for.

" _So what's your grand plan son?" "Well that's where you come in Coach"_ I told him about Lucashe listened carefully. " _I have to see this kid play I can't just just take anyone's word on it set something up fast the team needs all the help they can get" "Aunt Karen how fast can Lucas get to the Rivercourt?" "He's probably already there I'll text him to stay and to call his friends"_ As She did that I sent out a mass text to half the guys on the team as well as the cheerleaders.

Twenty minutes later we were there Lucas stopped his game turning to see me approach with Jake, Tim, Hunico Hernandez, Logan McCoy, Mark Brown, Max Holden, James Folder, Javier Antiquation. And seven of the cheerleaders including Theresa, Quinn, Bevin. Lucas was the first to speak " _Look what the ally cat dragged in"_ His friend who's name I couldn't remember I think it was Skillet put his elbow on Luke's shoulder shaking his head " _i told ya we should of shot that damn cat it's beady eyes just had something in it I didn't like"_ _"Cut the trash talk street ballers, you all know why we're here so lets not waste time" "Yeah I heard that slut of yours doesn't have much time left"_ The last few days have taught me a lot about anger management but the bottom line is I am still a 15 year old kid with a hot ass temper this set me off, before I even knew it. I was flying forward grabbing Luke's jersey pulling him by his chest shoving him to to the ground. Jake, Tim were grabbing me as Luke's friends rushed to his side glaring at me. Most of the team was in shock as I was that he went there yet they were in control of their tempers.

" _Chill Nate You need to focus"_ Jake slapped my back as I shock off my anger how did he even know how sick she was? Not many knew besides Quinn, Haley, Jake. I knew none of them would spill, I was going to have to talk to Karen about keeping Brooke's privacy exactly that. " _Came for some brotherly bonding Nate oh wait Daddy wouldn't like that would he?" "No he wouldn't but unlike you Lucas I don't need my father's approval for anything he raised me to be a man and step up to my responsibilities" "I'm sorry Luke that he wasn't there for you but don't take it out on me, I know you're jealous Luke but grow a pair get over it and let's do this" "what if I have no interest in this little deal?" "I'd call you a liar than cause we both know you've wanted my life since we were four year olds in our first in house league" "Oh your so full of yourself Scott seriously you think the world revolves around you" "No I don't but I do know that you want to go to college to study Literature, that's gotta be a pretty good fee a basketball scholarship could go a long way to helping you with that cause we both know Aunt Karen can't afford it and our dad sure as hell won't help you, so suck down your pride Mr. Hot shot and do this, unless of course your not such a hot shot"_


	31. Chapter 31

**Title: Life As We Know It**

 **February Fifth 2003**

 **Location: The River-Court**

 **P O V: Nathan's**

Luke's friend stepped up pointing to him " _Oh no dude's got mad skills he was taught by the Skillz Master me why do you think they call me skills?" "I thought it was skillet"_ He looked at me like I was crazy shaking his head I shrugged. Another friend with a Mic stepped up "Y _ou heard it hear first Tree Hill Town rivals half brothers full mortal enemies Lucas Scott and Basketball prodigy Nathan Scott are about to go head to head"_ Luke gave him a look like your calling him the prodigy? _"Well it's true dude I am Dan Scott's son I got all his skills plus my own" "Let me guess they call you Mouth?"_ I looked to the dude holding the Mic who gave me an equally strange look before replying " _No my name is Marvin McFadden this is Jimmy Edwards" "Right Marvin so mouth it is" "Whatever anyway Tree Hill who's ready for some Basketball!"_

The girls cheered starting one of their less skilled routines since they had very few there. Lucas suddenly grabbed the ball shooting from at least six feet away the ball sailed through effortlessly okay so I was impressed but I kept my cool. " _Game on first to Sixty points wins"_

Back and forth we went for well over my heart was racing my legs burned my head however had never been clearer, my lungs relished the fresh air, I even enjoyed the sweat knowing it was for Brooke. " _So when I win Scott you have to hook me up with Brooke" "As if dude she hates you" "Yeah true but she loves her privacy so if she knows what's good for her she'll agree to it"_ Did he just threaten her? I was caught off guard as he sailed past me gliding the ball into the net as the crowd cheered.

Anger coursed through me as I charged him catching him off guard allowing me access to the ball which I sunk into the net airborne grabbing the rim swinging from it as I growled sending everyone into a fit of cheers so loud the river court shock. When I was back by him dribbling I whispered " _Never make a threat against her again dude or I promise you It will be the last words you utter chicken butt"_ He looked at me like did I just call him a chicken butt? Yup sure did passing to Jake so quick he didn't have time to blink. Jake passed to Tim who shot scored another cheer.

" _Go skills!"_ Did Bevin just cheer for the opposing team? I shot her a look she shrugged _"He's cute I can't help it I love cute guys but you're still my boo Nathan go Ravens!"_

The girls broke into an amazing dance I knew Brooke had choreographed it it was polished sexy and modern. Cheering they chanted.

 _ **Lets make the Headlines!**_

 _ **Ravens will fly Nate, Nate**_

 _ **He's our leader he can sink it yes it's True!**_

 _ **When we lose our way he'll carry us home**_

 _ **The Headlines they are true**_

 _ **He's number one Shoot Ravens We're Number one!**_

With their cheers it was hard not to focus however they had the same effect on Lucas who seemed to love the cheers the feeling of being able to fly. I saw the same look in his eyes that Peyton was always telling me was in mine. Freedom.

 _ **Go Lucas Go Fly like a raven**_

 _ **Loose and Free keep it strong**_

 _ **Time will not change it**_

 _ **Little boy big dreams nows your chance**_

 _ **Fly like a Raven show the world our colors**_

 _ **Fly bright stand tall We Are number 1!**_

I could see Coach watching every movement every feet shuffle turn, hand flick eye coordination. My mind flashed back to when Luke and I were kids maybe about five or six we use to play together here everyday before my dad became such a dick. I could see us just two kids having fun Brooke as our tiny cheerleader, Haley on the table bored. Luke's smile was always so bright his eyes filled with dreams laughter while I was so serious. He was good even back then like a wolf his feet moved with such quiet careful grace. I missed those days when we were innocent free. I never dreamed our lives would go in such polar directions

 _ **This is not the end this is just the start**_

 _ **Our Journey to the top**_

 _ **We won't stop Fly Ravens fly!**_

There had to be a better way than this constant fighting I was certain of that. I didn't know how to get there but we would. Coach's whistle brought us all to a halt. He came over as we were sweating panting looking us both over.

" _My god the resemblance is undeniable you two could be twins you play with the same focus, determination and talent as any NBA player I have seen, Lucas you're welcome on the team anytime"_

" _What if I don't want it?"_ Lucas challenged him _"Than I would call you a damn fool, there would be no doubt in my mind than that you were Dan Scott's Son cause that's something that airhead arrogant ego testicle sob would do"_

This seemed to stop Lucas in his tracks cause he looked at Coach like what the hell? I smiled shaking my head as I tossed the ball to Tim signaling to Jake I was out. He followed me along with Quinn, Bevin. " _Yo wait up!"_ We turned to see Skills run up. Grabbing Bevin's hand " _I think you're cute to would you like to go on a date sometime?" "Sure"_ She giggled winking " _I'm heading to see Brooke wanna come?" "Yea man why not Yo' Luke I'm gonna go wit' them"_ I heard him sigh " _I might as well go as well I'm sure my mom's there"_ I stopped him as he came next to us pushing him back " _Not if you're going to be a dick to Brooke get it through you're head she's not into you, she has enough on her plate" "Will let her tell me that"_

I may go to jail tonight I thought as I watched Luke sail into her room her eyes went wide as she looked towards me. I sighed shrugging not in the mood to get into it with the grownups there. I knew just by looking at her that she was sick as hell, she was pale sweaty. Haley was holding her as her body seemed to shake. _"Luke"_ Haley greeted him. He went over hugging Haley I saw Brooke flinch backing away from his touch. Karen rose going over to her son hugging him. Taking the ball out of his hands.

Coming inside I saw the room was filled with Friends and Family of Sophia's. Sophia hugged me as I took off my sweat soaked Jersey causing most of the girls to squeal. I can't say I minded but my mom instantly scolded me hitting me with her papers yelling at me to clean up I smelled like a wet sock. Those papers hurt to man so I dodged the assault by kissing Brooke's forehead soaked in sweat running to the shower in the adjoining room. Shooting Luke a look that said watch yourself.

The warmth of the water felt amazing against my sore and tired muscles but I didn't want to waste time so I showered quickly. When I got back I saw most of Sophia's friends and family had gone. Bevin was sitting on Brooke's bed rubbing her down with a towel while Quinn painted her toe nails, Haley sang to her softly some R/B song. Luke was sitting at the table with Skills our moms and coaches outside talking but watching.

Luke was watching Brooke who wasn't paying him any attention which seemed to get him going. " _Too good to look at me miss diva?"_ I was about to lace into him when Brooke sat up not the best move since her stomach instantly came right up causing her to gasp as Haley grabbed the basin.

Luke's eyes went wide as she hurled with such intensity our moms came racing inside. Quickly my mom raised her bed helping her to sit up as she groaned with pain. For fifteen minutes she vomited when she was done Haley helped her to rinse. I thought she'd lay down instead she glared at Luke growling. " _Grow up Lucas I had to fast_ so _did Nathan maybe you have the luxury of being a kid but we don't, I'm fighting a war with my own damn body, Basketball is just a game it's not life or death your daddy hating you you're grandma ignoring you that sucks but dude it won't kill you. I know cause my mom, my dad, my grandparents all hate me they disowned me you don't see me crying over it. Your not the center of the world Lucas Eugene Scott I don't like you but I don't hate you frankly your irrelevant to me, you want a place in my life join the team help them win, stop being an ass to Nathan, If Haley and I can bury our differences take a Que and extend the same hand to Nathan he's being a man he's stepping up prove you're not Dan Scott's son"_

Brooke fell against the pillows exhausted now closing her eyes, her breathing heavy so my mom put her on oxygen. Luke was in shock as he stood there unable to move speak or blink. Karen cheered the first making all of us laugh. Slowly Luke held out his hand to me I sucked in my snide comment and returned the favor.

Visiting hours ended shortly after but for the first time I felt a peace overcome me as I snuggled next to Brooke in bed her head resting on my chest. Haley was the last to leave handing me a stack of new homework. Including a book to read for English Les Msierables " _Great I can barely pass English now I have to learn French to?"_ She laughed " _No dummy it's in English just read it I think you'll like it, I'll quiz you tomorrow" "What!" "Just kidding but no seriously there will be a quiz soon"_

My heart returned to Normal Speed at some point in the night as I watched her sleep. Unable to sleep myself I opened the book. Hours later I was still reading completely engrossed in the book.

" _ **He fell to the seat, she by his side. There were no more words. The stars were beginning to shine. How was it that the birds sing, that the snow melts, that the rose opens, that May blooms, that the dawns whitens behind the black trees on the shivering summit of the hills?  
One kiss, and that was all.**_

 _ **Both trembled, and they looked at each other in the darkness with brilliant eyes.**_

 _ **They felt neither the cool night, nor the cold stone, nor the damp ground, nor the wet grass; they looked at each other, and their hearts were full of thought. They had clasped hands, without knowing it.**_

 _ **She did not ask him; did not even think where and how he had managed to get into the garden. It seemed so natural to her that he should be there.**_

 _ **From time to time Marius' knee touched Cosette's. A touch that thrilled.  
At times, Cosette faltered out a word. Her soul trembled on her lips like a drop of dew on a flower."**_

" _What are we reading Nate?"_ I looked up to see Rhonda standing by Brooke gently awaking her as she took her vitals and helped her up every two hours she was in at night to make Brooke pee, one of the drugs she was taking cytarabine was known to cause blood clots so they make her pee so she can void herself. I saw how tired she was each time they awoke her making her drink at least a litter of water so she would have enough in her to pee. After she voided I saw her struggling to hold down her stomach as Rhonda helped her to and from the bathroom since she was half asleep. Once she was back in bed I saw her fighting to hold down her stomach rubbing her back she sleepily asked me to read to her.

" _ **Gradually, they began to talk. Overflow succeeded to silence, which is fullness. The night was serene and glorious above their heads. These two beings, pure as spirits, told each other everything, their dreams, their frenzies, their ecstasies, their chimeras, their despondencies, how they had adored each other from afar, how they had longed for each other, their despair when they had ceased to see each other. They had confided to each other in an intimacy of the ideal, which already, nothing could have increased, all that was most hidden and most mysterious in themselves. They told each other, with a candid faith in their illusions, all that love, youth and the remnant of childhood that was theirs, brought to mind. These two hearts poured themselves out to each other, so that at the end of an hour, it was the young man who had the young girl's soul and the young girl who had the soul of the young man. They interpenetrated, they enchanted, they dazzled each other.**_

 _ **When they had finished, when they had told each other everything, she laid her head on his shoulder, and asked him: "What is your name?"**_

 _ **My name is Marius," he said. "And yours?"  
My name is Cosette."**_

Brooke's eyes flutter closed again she softly replied " _Haley is you're Cosette you_ _Monsieur_ _are her Marius"_ Her breathing becoming easier laying a gentle kiss on her forehead, I prayed for peace for her tonight. What was she talking about though? Haley and I? Wait could it be? I mean she was cute but there was no way she liked me. Did she? Did I like her?


	32. Chapter 32

**Title:** **Life As We Know It**

 **P O V: Nathan's**

The war of Brooke and Sophia Vs Leukemia kept on over the next few weeks we were thrusted into a whole new world. Thankfully we were not alone. We had a whole team on our side.

Dr. Scott our main oncologist aka as Mom

Dr. Lindsay the oncology surgeon

Dr. Gillies Brooke's radiation oncologist

The Rn's Rhonda, Bleue, Claire, Charlotte, Drew. To name only a few.

The PCT's Dawn, Wendy, Dirt, Peter, Jenna

Dr. Kady Valdez their Psychologist

The Dietitians Savannah, Susie and August

Child life Therapists Gabrielle and Mandy

Art therapist Andy and Vanessa

Music Therapists Natalie, Gwen and Mark

Social workers Leah and Victor

It helped knowing we weren't alone yet it didn't take away their pain. Both girls were so sick Radiation caused Brooke to itch have dry skin blistering, or peeling. Fatigue difficulty swallowing, coughing, shortness of breath, she complained of nipple soreness, shoulder stiffness. So I massaged her shoulders and back as often as possible. Chemo caused her to have fatigue as well as vomiting, bone pain, dizziness, stiffness, loss of appetite, mouth sores, dryness in her mouth. It reduced the number of white cells as well of clot-forming cells (platelets) in their blood leading them at risk of infections, bleeding.

Every day I rubbed lotion on her skin, I sponged her mouth held her when she was sick prayed silently for her as she slept. I couldn't help but wonder if the cure was worse than the sickness itself. Quinn came by every day to help both girls up they excised, Quinn didn't let up on either girl she was tough yet loving. It's why Brooke chose her to be her captain while she was in here, something that shocked Quinn but made her so happy. While she was helping them Haley and I would work on our Homework.

" _ **Let us say in passing, to be blind and to be loved, is in fact-on this earth where nothing is complete-one of the most strangely exquisite forms of happiness. To have continually at your side a woman, a girl, a sister, a charming being, who is there because you need her, and because she cannot do without you, to know you are indispensable to someone necessary to you, to be able at all times to measure her affection by the degree of the presence that she gives you, and to say to yourself:**_

" _ **She dedicates all her time to me, because I possess her whole love; to see the thought if not the face; to be sure of the fidelity of one being in a total eclipse of the world; to imagine the rustling of her dress as the rustling of wings; to hear her moving to and fro, going out, coming in, talking, singing, to think that you are the cause of those steps, those words, that song; to show your personal attraction at every moment; to feel even more powerful as your infirmity increases; to become in darkness, and by reason of darkness, the star around which this angel gravitates; few joys can equal that. The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves-say rather, loved in spite of ourselves; the conviction the blind have. In their calamity, to be served is to be caressed. Are they deprived of anything? No. Light is not lost where love enters. And what a love! A love wholly founded in purity. There is no blindness where there is certainty."**_

" _So what do you think that means Nate?"_

I had long ago stopped playing dumb but took it seriously knowing there was precious time to study. Any moment Brooke could become sick and need me.

" _I think it means that when one finds love, one finds something bigger then themselves, that they find their purpose for nothing is greater more powerful more dividing then love"_

" _Excellent Nate, the jock does have brains see I told ya Quinn"_

" _Yeah right Hales you told me uh huh keep dreaming"_

Quinn had Brooke and Sophia dancing stretching jogging in place, Sophia taught both of them Irish step. I could see Edele was worried about them over exerting themselves. Something in all honestly I also worried about yet I knew Quinn I knew she would never hurt them and had done this with many kids and teens before them. So I trusted her with them. Focusing on my homework.

After a few hours Bleue or Rhonda would come in and shut them down anyway I knew that pissed them off. That's where Edele and I had to step up and watch them stopping them when they tried to work out in secret as we caught them doing a bunch of times every night.

So I would do anything to distract her like making her call Peyton even though it was getting harder and harder to juggle excuses. They web chatted everyday usually Peyton would tell her stories about what city they were in what state where they visited. Which kept the conversation going well into a few hours she was happy excited full of positive energy giving Brooke a reason to smile. They would laugh forever Sophia would join them, telling stories of Ireland which Peyton became obsessed with often bugging Ellie to go there of course she would laugh and tell her to raise the money.

They also emailed texted and Im'ed while Brooke smiled laughed with her afterwards she fought back the tears, missing her so badly I hurt for her.

It was after one of these times in the morning while she was throwing up that Sophia's Aunt Moira came in waving two CD's in her hand. " _Hello Darling's_ _ _Móra na maidine daoibh"__ I was in love with her Aunt she was always so cheerful so full of life and positivity. " _My Darlings you will love these CD's you to Nate!"_ I somehow doubted it but I didn't voice it instead letting Sophia speak up.

" _What are they_ _Aintin_ _?"_ I learned that was the Irish word for Aunt.

" _One of them is a brand new Musical that came out called 13 The musical it's about a group of 13 kids who are all about to turn 13, their all going through issues"_ I know Brooke was trying to pay attention but her body was shaking from cold. I had tried everything to keep her warm holding her rubbing her arms. Edele came over with a wool blanket that she had made from Irish wool it was thick and warm helping to calm her shaking down. As she laid in my arms eyes half open half closed. She was sweating again fighting off another wave of sickness as she let Moira's voice distract her.

She lost the battle though falling asleep in my arms I asked them to close the portion so she could sleep before doing so Moira gave me another Cd I looked at it gasping when I saw it was Les Miserables. Inserting it into my personal portable CD player I laid my head back listening to the CD.

" _ **And dreams were made and used and wasted  
There was no ransom to be paid  
No song unsung  
No wine untasted  
But the tigers come at night  
With their voices soft as thunder  
As they tear your hope apart  
And they turn your dream to shame  
He slept a summer by my side  
He filled my days with endless wonder  
He took my childhood in his stride  
But he was gone when autumn came  
And still I dream he'll come to me  
That we'll live the years together  
But there are dreams that cannot be  
And there are storms we cannot weather  
I had a dream my life would be  
So different from this hell I'm living  
So different now from what it seemed  
Now life has killed **_

_**That dream I dreamed!"**_

Fantine's pain washed over me as sleep came to me but her pain was not going to be ours we would get through this we would fight we would win. Life would not chew us out.

The girls refused to lay down and let Cancer win so we got up everyday walking after their morning Chemo sessions, their afternoon sessions they danced they laughed. During their walk today we found ourselves with Haley and Quinn, Moira in the sunroom.

Moira put on the 13 Cd which made both girls get up clapping tapping their feet all the teens picked their heads up watching. As the girls started singing choreographing their own dance.

" _ **I wanna fly, wanna run, wanna drive  
Wanna get rich, wanna get drunk, wanna get out  
Wanna get my braces off  
Wanna get my nose pierced  
Wanna grow my hair long  
But all I keep hearing is**_

 _ **No, you're not ready!  
No, it's not time yet!  
No, it's not right now!  
Wait until you're older!"**_

Soon all the teens were up dancing with them, Brooke leading them Haley grabbed the keyboard starting to play. Quinn grabbed the guitar. They popped they locked jumped spun clapped laughed, sweat some fell but Brooke helped them up teaching them how to do the move.

I sat on the couch along with the parents soon I learned the names of all the kids and what they were in for.

Raelynn Giraud who's 16 she has Medulloblastoma her parents Mariska and Davis

Sabrina Evans Ewings Sarcoma Her brother Clay

Katie Holmes 15 Osteoscaroma Her mom Sarah and Dad David

Nora O' Reilly 13 who has Non Hodgkins Lymphoma Parents Noreen and Shamus

Tyler King who has Aids/ skin Cancer Parents Lily and Roger

Tate Stocker who has T- cell Leukemia Parents Veronica and Bob

Brett Sylvia 15 who has Aplastic Anemia Her Mom Sylvia

Gina Jo Ameline 14 who has ALL Dad Bill

Austin Jorgenson 17 Diffuse Intrinsic Pontinc Glioma Parents Shawna and Martha

As they danced I found myself talking to the parents " _I never thought I'd see Katie dance again when she had her Leg amputated, now she's up dancing smiling it's …_ Her dad brushed a way a tear watching her. " _I know the feeling David when Raelynn was diagnosed all I could think about was would my child suffer? How much would she suffer? How could I help? Will her life ever be the same?" "My fear with Gina because she was only 11 when she was first admitted and I had to work so much was will she be alone scared? Who will be there for her?"_ All their fears were exactly how I felt. I wanted to protect her so much.

The shriek of a whistle brought them to a dead halt Bleue stood at the doorway smiling signaling for them to wrap it up. " _You know the rules Everyone! Settle down!"_ Most of the kids were sweating laughing panting Bleue came over to Brooke right away eying her as Brooke blushed looking away. _"I bet any amount of money you were the ring leader" "Tweet Tweet" "Okay little birdie sit you're wings down vital time"_

" _Brooke can we do this tomorrow?" That rocked!"_ Raelynn called out happily everyone echoed Yes! " _This is better than sex!"_ Tyler yelled out his parents gasped as he shrugged " _Damn boy you've had some shitty partners you need Brooke Davis to lite it up" "Anytime anyplace!" "Enough kids" "_ _Sit Brooke now" "Woof Woof!"_

" _Brooke" "Sorry Blue Belle"_ Bleue sighed impatiently yet lovingly as she took her vitals which thankfully were good. " _See I told ya Bleue Bunting everything is perfectly fine"_

" _To answer the question Rae yes if you all pace yourself you can do this everyday as long as you're cleared by a staff member with you''re counts"_

Excited shouts rung out. Brooke was grinning so wide as her and Sophia held each other hands up high bowing like queens being adored by their subjects. It was amazing to see them smiling laughing when they had so much pain in their lives. 


	33. Chapter 33

**Title: Life As We Know It**

 **P O V: Nathan's**

" _I wonder how many people can say they had a turning point in their lives when they can look back and say this was it, that was the moment when it all changed"_

Brooke was laying in my arms as well as Haley's who was stroking her hair gently as Brooke closed her eyes, trying to control her breathing. We didn't have a chance to answer a knock on the door startled us Sophia called out " _Come in"_

" _Hello sweethearts I am Lacey Halstead this is my friend and Partner Delaney Whitemore were from the Make- A-Wish foundation"_

This stopped me cold Make- A- Wish that was the organization that granted terminally ill kids a last wish. Why were they here? Brooke was sick she wasn't dying. My arm protectively wrapped around her shoulders. Sitting up further I extended my hand towards them. " _Nathan Scott, This is Haley James I think there's been a mistake Brooke I mean she's sick but she's not" "Dying?"_ Lacey asked our nod confirmed that was the word I would've used. " _Make A- Wish isn't just for kids with terminal illness but for all kids with any life threating or terminal illness_ _We grant the wishes of children to enrich the human experience with hope, strength and joy."_

" _I know what I would wish for!"_ Sophia exclaimed instantly excited her mom squeezed her hand. " _What's that sweetie?" "I want to go to New York City I want to see 13 the musical live on Broadway!"_ Lacey and Delaney wrote things down as they looked at each other discussing what they would need to make that happen. I could see Brooke pondering what to wish for as she closed her eyes struggling to get air into her weakened lungs.

" _We can make that happen no problem will talk to your doctors and parents and plan for it to happen as soon as you're strong enough" "Awesome I'll be 16 on February 22 this is better than turning 16!" Do you think we can meet the cast?" "We can try for sure it's very hard though with celebrates their not always generous with their time sometimes all you get is an autograph and a quick hello" "Well that's horrible" "Yes it is but there's so many things we can do in NYC besides meeting the cast there's shopping, site seeing, shows, ice skating"_

Sophia clapped squealing as she turned to her mom squeezing her hand starting to talk a mile a minute " _We've never seen the Effile tower"_ We started laughing as she looked at us confused _"You won't either Sophia"_ Brooke laughed hard " _That's in Paris" "Oh My!_ She laughed shaking her head as she buried her head into her hands her mom hitting her back " _See this is why you need to spend more time reading you're school books not those stupid fashion magazines" "I think you meant the statue of liberty or the Empire State Building"_ Sophia pointed at her still beat red laughing _"Yes that one!"_ Cracking a smile Lacey replied _"Well you can see them all ladies" "Brooke any idea what you would wish for?"_ she shrugged " _i don't know I mean I've met celebrities, I've traveled I have money or I did I don't know what I have any more" "Sweetie it's okay take all the time you need, we have plenty"_ She was quiet for a bit eyes closed she seemed to be having a really difficult time breathing today. When she spoke her eyes remained closed her voice was softer sadder a saw a few tears slide down. _"I don't mean to be rude ma'am but you may have plenty of time left.. I..Don't know how much time I have left.. I could die tomorrow"_

A deafening silence fell over the room no one knew what to say or where to look. Sophia's mom sniffled back a few tears, gasping. Haley pulled her closer softly whispering " _Oh honey no don't say that" "Why not?"_ Brooke asked softly _It's true we all know it"_ Brooke started coughing badly her body shaking as Lacey gasped "I _'m sorry I didn't mean.. I …_ Delaney ran out of the room freaked out. Haley pounded on her back trying to loosen up the thick mucus that was clogging her lungs.

Bleue and Claire raced in to the room Sophia was crying in her moms arms as Brooke gasped Bleue bent over listening to her lungs suddenly Brooke's eyes flew open and she screamed out " _Got Ya!"_ Bleue jumped back scared shit-less as she cracked up. Laughing so hard she had to grab her chest Sophia threw her pillow at Brooke who ducked it smashed Haley in her head. " _Hey!"_ Haley threw one of Brooke's back at Sophia which it hit her mom instead, " _War ladies you just started war!"_ Edele grabbed a water gun both girls screamed as Haley flew off the bed hiding underneath. Brooke jumped up grabbing a Haley's hand pulling her out from under " _Oh no missy no you don't we're in this together"_ Sophia turned on her mom who squealedrunning away. " _Let's get her!"_ Haley yelled grabbing five syringes showing us how to load it with water. We slowly started down the hall damn her mom was fast. Lacey and Delaney were on our side. Like ninjas we cat walked down the halls looking for unsuspecting victims.

" _Drown the rat!"_ Brooke yelled out as they came around the corner spotting Rhonda who screamed as five water syringes were aimed at her. Her eyes spotted Brooke instantly " _You'll pay Davis you will pay!"_ she ran covering her head as we chased her. Other kids saw the commutation and joined in soon we had Tate, Austin, Raelynn, Sabrina, Clay, Gina all armed with water balloons, Syringes, guns as we split up, screams filled the hallway as the nurses and parents counteracted with super-soakers.

The laughter from that day lingered on hours later as we lay in bed with Brooke who was shaking coughing. Sophia and her were wrapped in thick wool blankets. Brooke was running a low grade fever so we were keeping a close eye on her. Yet we still couldn't stop laughing. " _Did you see the look in Rhonda I mean Rat's eyes when we corned her like the vermin she is?" "I know right omg that was priceless"_

Stroking her hair as she closed her eyes my heart was racing not just from the laughter or physical extrusion from the day but from the words she had said earlier. " _I..Don't know how much time I have left.. I could die tomorrow"_ fear creped up on me as I sat by her holding her hand she felt so cold. The reality is that she's sick really sick I know it I see it I feel it but part of me refuses to even think about her dying. She's only 15 she can't no she won't die. I won't allow it.

How? I don't know I am not god, I'm not even a man yet I'm barely 15 myself I don't know how I can stop it but I know I will fight it, to my dying breath I will help Brooke fight this.

" _Can we cuddle Brooke?"_ Sophia asked softly Brooke couldn't spare the energy to speak so she signaled for her to come over. I sat in a chair next to the bed as Sophia climbed into Brooke's bed on her right side, Haley lay on Brooke's left. Quinn, Karen, Bevin, Skills, Lucas, Mom, Edele, Raelynn, Tate, Austin, Sabrina sat on the table with their parents and Clay. Laying next to Brooke Sophia laid her head on her shoulder. Spreading their blankets across her bed they clung to each other.

" _Let's turn this music up!"_ Bevin shouted jumping up going over to the Cd player 13 blasted out I hadn't ever listened to the whole CD but tonight as I sat stoking her fragile hand listening to her cough trying to figure out what I was hearing inside her body. Was it fluid was it pneumonia? Was it just saliva? Was it cancer? Tonight I listened for the first time. The young man singing was probably around my age.

 _ **"**_ _ **I'm becoming a man**_

 _ **I don't know what a man really means**_

 _ **The rule book grows, but no one knows**_

 _ **What all the rules allow I'm becoming a man**_

 _ **No one tells all the scared in-betweens**_

 _ **Just how we should be strong, be good**_

 _ **With so much pressure now**_

 _ **One day it gets better**_

 _ **One day it makes sense**_

 _ **One day I'll stop talking in the friggin future tense"**_

I felt Evan's fear for the future one day he was just a normal ordinary 12 year old boy living in the coolest city in the world New York City. He had his mom, his dad his school he was popular had lots of friends played sports, he skateboarded. Life made sense for him his biggest worry how to score Yankee tickets when his parents were die hard met fans and he wasn't old enough to work. I could picture this kid standing in Central Park with his sunglasses, skateboard surrounding by his friends. Than suddenly his whole world was rocked beyond his control his dad had an affair his mom went insane divorced him and dragged Evan halfway across the world to rural Indiana.

Now he had a new school and the hell of trying to fit into a world of cliques where he is the outcast, life has taken his balls and whipped him without his permission. His mind no longer has control over his heart which tells him to be loyal to the first girl who was nice to him Patrice, instead he follows his balls, he mets Brett, the popular kid who promises him social dog status if he helps him get a date with Kendra the prettiest girl in school than he'll get all the popular kids to come to Evan's Bar Mitzvah. Evan comes up with an awesome idea to take her to a scary movie. He mets Archie who tries to guilt him into getting a date with Kendra or he'll come to Evan's Bar Mitzvah and ruin it _ **.**_ He has the best intentions but he ends up screwing things up everyone ends up mad at him. Kendra and her best friend Lucy end up fighting over Brett who she also likes. In the end he tries to fix things between everyone. Not everything goes as smoothly as he wished but he learns a lot of lessons as the year goes on. He learns what it takes to become a man.

Maybe Growing up wasn't suppose to be easy but damn did it have to be this hard? Cancer at 15? Brooke was laughing hard at something. I don't even know what it was but she had tears running down her face as Sophia was explaining something wildly with her hands. Wait she was pretending to be Lucy? I smiled as I heard her put on a fake over the top snotty valley girl accent.

" _I'm a good girl. I don't do that. I'm a nice girl. Put that away."_

" _No No it's more like this Sophia"_ Brooke put on an even worse accent yet her voice was crystal clear perfection with her singing. " _I_ _'m a good girl. Keep your hands off." If you tell him that, you'll be_ _okay_ _."_

I wish I could take away Brooke's pain I wish I could grant her more days of this childlike laughter where her biggest worry was if she would be accepted by her peers. I can't though, I can't do anything except sit her hold her hand. Kiss her forehead promise her I will always be here for her.

Raelynn clapped as she did a dance sequence Brooke had taught her which made Brooke so happy to see she had gotten it after trying and failing so many times.

The light in Brooke's eyes kept me warm long after everyone had returned to their rooms and were fast asleep. Brooke and I were up all night again of course she was in pain so much pain as I held her she couldn't speak she could only scream silent unheard her body withering in pain, her face beat red, her lungs burning as she coughed all night. All I could do was hold her let her hold me as Mom and Rhonda tried to control her pain.

I prayed silently as she shock from the pain from the cold her body rejecting anything we put in it vomiting coughing gagging heaving. I washed her I cleaned her up time after time. All night nothing worked to calm her pain ease her nausea or cramps, diarrhea.

By Morning she was exhausted running a higher fever Sophia stayed by her as she received her Chemo, they were holding off on giving Brooke hers today because of her fever. She held her hand playing the soundtrack. Edele offered to watch them so I could shower, I hated leaving her but had learned to grab chances when they came cause they didn't come often.

I took a quick shower loving the warmth of the water massaging my tense body. Getting out however I heard their voices their laughter. Brooke was arguing " _Evan's Hot!"_ Raelynn was counteracting " _No way Brett's cuter"_ Sophia was arguing with both of them. " _Lucy's hotter than any of them!" "Duh!" "Ariana Grande who plays Charlotte is such a cutie, I wish I was as adorable as her" "OMG Rae you are a total babe"_ That was Brooke I saw from the doorway how she touched Rae's curls than her chubby face. " _Don't wish to be anybody except yourself you are fabulous as you are" "aw you're so sweet" Duh tell me something I don't know"_ Rae hit her arm Brooke gasped swearing revenge as Sabrina started singing along to the song playing it didn't take long before they were all singing.

" _ **If you stand here behind me And you call me a man**_

 _ **And you're counting on me to come through**_

 _ **You should know that I'll give you the best that I can**_

 _ **But we all have a little more homework to do**_

 _ **If you're walking beside me**_

 _ **And you wanna be friends**_

 _ **You should know I'm depending non you**_

 _ **So you gotta hang in there till the whole story ends"**_

" _ **Cause I've been looking in the back of the book for the answers**_

 _ **Hoping the bell wouldn't chime**_

 _ **But I'm not ready to put down my pencil just set**_

 _ **There are too many answers that**_

 _ **I didn't get I need a little less pressure and a little more time**_

 _ **I'm trying to follow I'm trying to lead**_

 _ **I'm trying to find what is true**_

 _ **But if you're going to stand with me**_

 _ **Then you have to concede**_

 _ **That we all have a little more homework to do"**_

" _Speaking of homework ladies we all have a lot of homework to do so lets get started before Haley gets home from school and whips us all into shape" "But Nate we all know you wanna get whipped by Haley"_ She made a whipping noise as I arched an eyebrow. " _Brooke we know you're into kicky shit but not all of us are as deranged as you my dear" "Yeah some of you just wish to be fab like me" "Speaking of wishes have you figured yours out yet?"_ Sabrina asked Brooke shrugged letting out a deep breath. " _I wish for all of us to always be friends" "Raise our glasses to that one!"_ Sabrina, Sophia, Rae all raised their glasses to hers as they drank shouting out " _Forever Friends Till heaven calls us Home than we shall meet again we will be Heaven Friends"_


	34. Chapter 34

**Title: Life As We Know It**

 **P O V: Nathan's**

 **February 10th 2003**

" _This feels fucking strange! I'm a guy guys don't keep journals unless you're gay. Which I am not! I like no I love girls! I love how soft their skin feels against my fingers, I love how awesome they smell how amazing their lips feels when their sucking on my lips and other places. Getting off subject sorry I can't help it. It's been forever since I have been laid. Just to keep the record straight this is not my journal. This is Brooke's I know she keeps you, I know where she hides you shh don't tell her. I might of sneaked in a few times and read you. Do you even know how juicy some of you're secrets are?"_

 _Well I figured I'd keep you updated since Brooke is too sick to to it right now she's back in ICU with something called_ _Invasive candidiasis_ _it's a fungal infection [IFI] she spiked a fever of 103.2 her potassium spiked high. They tried to give her medication but she kept vomiting. Haley and I tried holding her head back but she kept fighting us it tasted awful it made her mouth sores burn. She kicked us spit at us screamed she flat out refused to swallow it._

 _They had to put a tube in her nose god that was awful she threw up three times. She's been in ICU for three days now. I haven't been allowed into see her, Haley and Quinn, Mom have been giving me updates yet it's not the same. I am going crazy I am so worried about her. She has to pull through! Their pumping her full of antibiotics all I can do is pray._

" _Brooke baby please keep fighting I need you! I love you"_

Haley's clearing of her throat startled me out of my trance she had just come from ICU looking exhausted. I don't know how she does it. She goes to school, she works at the cafe and always finds time to be here for us." _How is she?" "Same no change"_ She sat on my lap resting her head on my shoulder. " _She's in and out of an awake state, I sing to her I read her Peyton's letters, emails, texts she smiles but she's weak, she's fighting though"_ I ran my hand up and down Haley's back trying to ease her tension. " _Enough sadness Nate let's study" "Uh study again, can't we just talk?" "Sure we can study and talk about what we're studying" "Oh you are hysterical" "I am aren't I remember that when you pass 10_ _th_ _grade we can laugh all through summer till the start of 11_ _th_ _grade or you can not study and I can laugh as I go to 11_ _th_ _grade and you repeat 10_ _th_ _" "Real funny tutor-Girl"_ Now she groaned Brooke's nicknames for her always get her _. "Les miserables it is where did we leave off?"_

" _The man who has nothing has God. It's better than nothing and I've no objection, but for myself I stick to realism"_

" _What does that mean Nate?"_

" _Well I guess it means that people who have everything handed to them have no reason to question fate or it's existence, rich people who are use to money being there to comfort them have no reason to turn to God for help fr guidance because to them, life is fair. To those who are poor who need faith God is there to lead them to guide them love them warm them"_

" _Excellent use that as the Analysis for question #1 next what does the line; "Don't they know their making love to someone already dead mean?"_

" _Simple they can hit her abuse her rape her it doesn't matter because inside she was already dead long ago she feels nothing she believes she is nothing, she is only alive for the sake of keeping her daughter alive another day"_

" _Dang Nate you're catching on fast"_

" _You're an amazing teacher"_

Haley is adorable when she blushes I saw her lower her head trying not to let me see she was blushing. " _You know Brooke is pushing for us to be together" "Really?" "Yea she said something to me the other day after I read to her from Les Miserables that we reminded her of Marius and Cosset" "Seriously?" "Yea I don't know why but she thinks we are meant to be together" "Well she's on a lot of medication Nate" "True but she has good instincts usually"_

" _So what are you saying Nathan?"_ My palms were sweaty I felt my heart racing I felt dizzy I pushed on. _"I wouldn't be opposed to I don't know dating maybe?" "Are you asking me out on a date Nathan Royal Scott?" "Yes that's what I am trying and failing to do" "As he spoke all tongues, he entered into all hearts." "_ _So that's a yes Haley James?" "That is a yes Nathan Royal Scott" "YESSS!"_ She laughed hitting my chest as I pulled her close to me our eyes locked. I felt her heart racing as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders leaning into me, I could smell her perfume. Intoxicating closing my eyes I trusted my bodies ability to guide me to where I needed to be.

Magic… Our lips connected soft slow but blissful. Itook her into my arms, using all my strength to be gentle, and let my lips touch hers so lightly. I could hardly feel it. Her hands held me rougher as she pulled her whole body into the kiss. I like to think of a good kiss a remarkable kiss as a secret that I am telling my potential girlfriend/ lover instead of whispering it into her ears I am using my lips to tell her mouth, I am exploring her secrets they have many layers many tastes. Hers were a mixture of blackberries/ Chocolate and Strawberries so delicious so bad so naughty prickly yet breathtakingly awesome.

She was breathless when we pulled apart leaving me dizzy was I bad? Was that look of shock on her face bad? I worried my heart racing increasing. I couldn't speak, did I scare her? Was I too rough? Did I rush it? Running my hands up and down her arms, I tried to calm myself. Suddenly she grabbed me pushing me down on to Brooke's bed in her normal room. She climbed onto of me shocking me as she held my hands above my head laying down on my stomach kissing my chest, working her way up to my face my lips.

Kissing is as old as time a kiss a reflection of so many emotions love, trust, desire need, reassurance kissing has been done from century through century, when the feelings are so strong you can't contain you're excitement, desire need you can feel like you're drowning in you're emotions. A kiss a simple yet beautiful kiss can save you guess that's why mouth to mouth works so well. A kiss can breathe new life into an old dying soul.

" _From this day on Haley James you shall live in my protection"_

" _Aw Look at you My dear Marius quoting Les Miserables And this isn't a dream?"_

" _No it is not a dream just a heart full of love"_

" _Than prove to me it's not a dream kiss me again fool"_

Who was I to deny thy lady of my sweet breath taking kisses? I pulled her onto my chest running my hand up the back of her shirt, feeling her bra, unhooking it.

I ran my hand over her body, resting it slightly on her round pleasing butt. She moaned as our kiss deepened. " _OMG Brooke would be so happy!"_ Sophia's out cry stopped us cold both of us sitting up remembering where we were. Haley was flushed her hair a total mess but damn did she look amazing.

" _Oh my god Brooke I promised her I would be back shortly I have to go Nathan"_

Shooting Sophia a glance on my way out she mouthed sorry as she covered her mouth yet gave me a thumps up. Okay I could forgive her she was adorable and we were in the hospital not the most romantic place to get laid. Hand in hand we walked to Brooke's ICU room.

I wasn't allowed in but her nurse Erica took pity on me allowing me to watch as Haley gowned up, going inside. She sat with her stroking her hair wetting a rag to cool her off, feeding her ice chips. Reading to her I let her voice wash over me as I felt tears slip down. Please god let Brooke live.

" _ **If there is anything terrible, if there exists a reality which surpasses dreams, it is this: to live, to see the sun, to be in full possession of viral force; to possess health and joy; to laugh valiantly; to rush toward a glory which one sees dazzling in front of one; to feel in one'**_

 _ **breast lounges which breath, a heart which beats, a will which reasons; to speak, think, hope, love; to have a mother, to have a wife, to have children, to have the light - and all at once, in the space of a shout, in less than a minute, to sink into an abyss; to fall, to roll, to crush, to be crushed, to see ears of wheat, flowers, leaves, branches; not to be able to catch hold of anything; to feel one's sword useless, men beneath one, horses on top of one; to struggle in vain, since ones bones have been broken by some kick in the darkness; to feel a heel which makes one's eyes start from their sockets; to bite horses' shoes in one's rage,; to stifle. to yell, to writhe; to be beneath, and to say to one's self, "But just a little while ago I was a living man!"**_


	35. Chapter 35

**Title: Life As We Know It**

 **P O V: Brooke**

" _I miss you P. Sawyer"_

" _Aw I miss you to B. Davis how are you feeling?"_

" _Uh crappy but better than a few days ago"_

" _What happened why were you in ICU?"_

" _Fungal Infection"_

" _I told you to stop fooling with all those nasty boys"_

I laughed coughing slightly as Peyton scolded me through her webcam of course I started coughing even harder but it was so worth it hearing her sweet laughter her sexy southern drawl. Damn I missed her sexy ass, A deep sadness overtook me as I stared at her beautiful face.

" _Hey no getting sad on me B. Davis I know it sucks I miss you more than I could ever tell you but I'll be back soon, you just better get those doctors to move their slow asses seriously they still have no clue what's going on?"_

I hated lying to her but I had to. Shaking my head I tried to get my breathing under control. She shock her head.

" _Talk to me P. Sawyer tell me what grand adventure you are on now?"_

" _Well my dear we are on route to good Ol' Nashville home of country gods and the king of rock and roll"_

" _Sweet planning on visiting the_ _Grand Old Opry?"_

She gasped shocked calling out to Ellie " _Brooke asked if we were visiting the Grand Old Opry?"_ I heard Ellie laugh snorting suddenly her face filled the screen her arm around Peyton's shoulders. " _What kind of drugs do they have you on over there Davis? I mean really what kind of question is that?"_

Shrugging I coughed again trying to control it but my lungs were useless anymore thanks to the radiation. Laying back against my pillow feeling the burn of my muscles in my neck, shoulders, the building of a powerful headache. " _So many too many, their making me delusional" "Care to share?"_ I laughed at Ellie's remark " _Of course baby girl and I are going to the Grand Old Opry why else would two amazing musicians go to Nashville?"_ My throat hurt from talking so I shrugged feeling drained.

" _Brooke?"_

Peyton became worried I gave her a thumps up sign not wanting to close my heavy eyelids I didn't want to lose sight of her face. " _How far are you on Les Miserables? It's awesome I love this story"_

Gathering my strength swallowing some water which cooled my burning throat I answered as best as I could " _You would like this story you brooding dark angst heathen" "Did you just call me a heathen?"_ shrugging at where the hell that even came from I laughed as she shock her head. " _"No more drugs Brooke you need to detox_ _or sleep one of them babe"_ To quote Eponine I softly sung out " _Little you know little you see"_ If only she knew how many drugs I was on how little sleep I had gotten.

" _Ellie promised to take us to NYC to see Les Miserables this summer"_

" _Awesome"_

Bleue came in signaling to me it was time for another test " _I have to go P. Sawyer but remember I love you have fun, Thanks Ellie for taking such awesome care of my best friend" "Always Brooke she's my baby girl hey do what the doctors say, you're looking pale, thin rest eat you will be going with us this summer" "I hope" "No hope you will be or I will beat you're ass before my daughter gets to it. Don't make me threaten you're doctors"_ Ellie confused me did she give a damn about me? First she threatened to make me pay if I told Peyton my feelings. Now she was threating my doctors because I didn't look well? Was she trying to make amends or just putting on a show for Peyton?

" _Love you P. Sawyer have fun"_

" _Love you back seriously do what Ellie says I love you I need you in my life keep me updated"_

" _Same pictures babe I gotta go"_

I flicked the camera off feeling the tears well up as Nathan came in the room with Bleue. He squeezed my hand as they helped me into the wheelchair. I grabbed the Les Miz book. Off to another scan.

Hours later I laid awake unable to sleep as the Chemo dripped into my veins Sophia was in the same boat so we lay in my bed as I read out loud. Nathan sat on the end of the bed massaging my feet. I could feel Eponine's pain as she walked down the cold wet Rue.

"She's all alone again nowhere to go No one to turn to Without a home, without a friend Without a face so say hello to. And now the night is near. Now she can make believe he's here. Sometimes Eponine walks alone at night  
When everybody else is sleeping she thinks of him and then for a moment brief and fleeting she is happy. Happiness is short lived fleeting. The city goes to bed. Yet she is oblivious for inside her head she can live. She's happy with the company no one to slap her hurt her disappoint her. On her own pretending he's beside her  
alone she walks the street, in her head she walks with him 'til morning than reality hits her without him, she feel his arms around her if only inside her mind. When she loses her way she closes her eyes he has found her."

"In the rain the pavement shines like sliver in the darkness the tress are full of starlight. She looks up she sees visions of what their life could be like if only he was not blinded by love of another. She sees him and her forever, she sees their kids that they would have had, the house along the river. She sees happiness. Visions however are not meant to be reality their only dreams and dreaming has gotten her no where in her life. Her life is full of pain empty promises, lies, hurt."

 _"_ _Brooke are you crying?"_

 _"I can't help it, she feels alone no one should ever die alone, they shouldn't have to feel abounded unloved"_

 _"Marius is a fool he couldn't see his greatest love was right there all his life!"_

Nathan held me close as the tears flowed. _"Uh you're such a girl"_

I couldn't help it though I felt her pain Peyton had no idea how much I loved her how I would do anything for her happiness. I needed her so bad right now, I wanted her to be by my side holding me kissing me telling me I could do this I could kick cancer's ugly painful brutal ass. I need her lips against mine, her arms her heart her sense of humor. I love her, but every day I'm learning All my life, I've only been pretending  
Without me, her world would go on turning. A world that's full of happiness  
That I have never known.

I love her  
I love her  
I love her  
But only on my own 


	36. Chapter 36

**Title: Life As We Know It**

 **Songs:** _ **I've got all this ringing in my ears none on my fingers/**_ _ **Champagne**_ _ **For My Real Friends Pain for my Sham Friends**_

 _ **Artist: Fallout Boy**_

 **P O V: Peyton**

" _Screw the book the musical is where it is at!"_ Solan's passionate defense of the musical against the book was adorable. " _There's blood, there's pain, there's destruction, depression, poverty yet the score is so powerful you feel hope you feel anger you feel the need for the kids to be vindicated" "Les Miserables isn't about hope though_ _Solan_ _it's about pain it's about the fact these people live such miserable lives, their dying in the streets in the middle of the night no one hears their cries, their fighting for a future they will never see, their kids! Kids shouldn't have to fight for their rights they should always feel loved protected needed wanted"_

Ellie was laughing across the room listening to us arguing I glanced over at her as she turned to the driver of our Rv her long time friend Ellis who is Solan's dad. " _Ah teenage passion" "Remember when we were like that Ellie?" "We still are passionate just add the ache of old age"_

Solan and I laughed now as he added another few olds to his dad's statement which earned him a watch it buddy or I'll leave you on the side of the road threat. Solan of course challenged him to do it which is how we found ourselves along the side of the road. I'm not sure how I ended up in this challenge yet here I was sweating along the dirt road in some old Tennessee highway. " _Thanks dude"_ He shrugged a welcome damn he is adorable how could I be mad at him. We watched as the RV kept rolling I waited for them to stop at any time. I think he did to cause we kept cranking our necks out as the RV rolled further and further away.

" _Come on lets scare the shit out of them"_ Huh? He took my hand startling me as we ran deep into the woods. Squeaking as I jumped over a log that had long ago fallen now decaying little creatures having made it their new home. " _Where are we going?" "Shh trust me"_ Trust a word I never found easy to say never mind actually give. We ran for a few more minutes. Till he grabbed me pulling me to a tree my eyes widened as I laughed he looked so silly crouching down eying the road now a good distance from us. His blond hair pulled back into a ponytail his big blue eyes resembled that of a little boy at Christmas seeing the fully loaded tree for the first time. " _What are you planning?" "An attack" "An attack?" "What are you a parrot?" "Ah how dare ya I am no bird!" "Actually babe you are see a girl is a bird" "I am not just a girl I am an extraordinary unforgettable creature" "Yes You are parrots usually are unique and clever" "Stop calling me a parrot even though I am unique and clever" "See repeating me again" "So Parrot repeat after me I want to kiss Solan"_ What did he just say he wanted to kiss me? My throat felt thick my lips dry. Did I want to kiss him? My heart was racing. I couldn't find the words to reply so I closed my eyes willing my body to decide. He was cute funny smart passionate musically gifted. Everything I always wanted except he wasn't the one I wanted. It would be wrong to kiss him if I didn't want to make a commitment wouldn't it?

My eyes closed my body felt stiff yet I gave in to will warmth cinnamon sugary goodness filled my mouth as his lips made contact with my lips. Did I just kiss him? No my feet hadn't moved. His hands were around my waist as he pulled me to him. Still his lips felt right warm amazing. There was no fireworks no explosions in my heart but I felt warm safe.

Dizzy when we parted looking into his eyes which were dancing with joy. " _Did I move ya?" "Like a comet Peyton" "_ _G_ _ood boy I still have my touch" "Here they come get ready"_ He took my hand we watched as the RV slowed down Ellie and Ellis got out calling to us about 100 feet down left we quietly went right hiding behind trees. " _An attack?" "Yes like thee attack on the Rue Plumet follow me" "Peyton! Solan!" Where are you come on this isn't funny" "they sound worried" "They weren't worried when they left us here lets give 'em a taste of their own medicine"_

Ellie and Ellis had come into the woods now so Solan took my hand and raced out of our hiding space the wind blowing at us as we charged to the RV. " _There they are Ellis!" "Run Peyton Run!"_

I did fast as I had ever run before laughing. It felt amazing I felt free rebellious and dangerous I felt awesome! I never looked back not till I was on the steps of the Rv Solan inside. I saw our parents racing to us breathing hard. I saluted them as Solan started up the Rv. Closing the door I sat by the window as he pressed on the gas looking out the side mirror. " _Come here Peyton"_ Laughing so hard I almost pissed myself I ran up sitting on his lap he grabbed my hands placing them on the wheel. " _What no way I'm not even old enough!" "Neither am I" "How old are you?" "Same age as you Peyton"_ I took the wheel trying to maneuver the huge RV into traffic which thankfully was minimal. We skidded we turned the whole time laughing as he stepped on the gas than the break cars honked as we watched Ellie and Ellis fuming on the side of the road us cracking up. After a few minutes we pulled over he pulled me closer kissing me in between fits of giggles.

Grabbing my hand he pulled me into our bedroom we locked the door laughing as we heard them come inside pissed off. Falling onto my bed laughing he fell on top of me. Our kiss deepened as our arms locked around each others shoulders. " _You have to come out sometime when you do you're both dead!"_

 _ **Comet**_

 _ **Omg what a wonderful week Nashville was amazing! So many awesome music venues Ellie, Ellis Solan and I spent every night preforming on stages, some in tiny bars that were so packed the audience was right up against us, some bigger more colorful. All rowdy but awesome the energy was epic! We make an amazing little group.**_

 _ **We visited the Grand Old Opry which was breathtaking,**_ __ _ **We saw the Country Music Hall Of Fame and Museum. I learned Ellie favorite artist are Terri Clark, Garth Brooks funny how we both have a Brooke that we fell in love with. We got to walk on the stage which was out of this world. One day it was pouring rain so we took a drive down the row, she pointed out all the awesome places like RCA Studio B where so many amazing artists got their start. Elvis did over 200 songs there**_ _ **Roy Orbison, Dolly Parton, Chet Atkins, Eddy Arnold to name a few others.**_

 _ **When it stopped raining we went to**_ _ **Centennial Park**_ _ **which was beautiful we saw the world's**_ _ **only full-scale reproduction of the ancient Parthenon in Athens, Greece. The Parthenon houses a gallery and museum. Ellie and I sat by a water fountain eating lunch while Solan and his dad explored it was nice to get to spend time with her.**_

" _You're father and I met in Nashville right over there"_ She pointed to a stage about 200 feet away I could barely see it. " _It was a songwriters night"_ Her eyes held a far away glance as if she was remembering, my heart swelled was I about to find out about my dad? " _I was young only seventeen he was older wiser more sophisticated, he smiled I melted" "When we were called upon to sing, I looked right at him he smiled and I sung my pretty ass off"_

" _What song did you sing?"_ She smiled looking down was she embarrassed? Nudging her I tried to get her to talk she seemed to shut down. " _Ellie, Peyton want to heck out the Mother Church of Country Music?" "Heck yes!" "Come on Ellie tell me" "Tell you what?" "Well she was going to tell me what song she sang the first time she met my dad, than she calmed up" "Dirt girl" "Ellis!" "What She's fifteen not 11"_ I laughed hard "What _did he say?" "Nothing lets go guys Nashville ain't gonna wait for our slow asses"_

" _ **I don't know what to do Comet some days I feel like we're making great strides than the next we take a step back. Now I know how a baby feels trying to learn how to walk uh so frustrating!"**_

 _ **February 13th**_

" _ **Today we recorded a song at**_ _ **Ryman studio**_ _ **it was out of this world, Ellie is amazing she is teaching me so much, like how to write a song properly, so many tricks on my guitar. When we were singing Ellie opened up to me a little more. I learned that she got pregnant with me after a one night stand with the guy from the park, she was high, when she found out she was scared, she felt alone she never got his name,**_ _ **I don't know how to feel about this, I mean it sucks knowing I am a product of a meaningless one night hook up, yet I also can tell it was a hard choice for her to make"**_

" _Sucks P. Sawyer I am so sorry for you"_ Smiling at Brooke through the webcam I knew she meant it, she sounded sleepy pained yet she gave me her full attention. "I _wish I could take it away form you, you don't deserve to hurt" "Aw you're sweet babe, thanks" "Thank you for sharing it with me Peyton I know how private you are, it's cool that you still keep a journal to" "I know it's dorky but we started it together when we were kids" "I remember P. Sawyer I still have mine" "I know I sneak into you're room and read it sometimes" "WHAT!" "Kidding oh my god Brooke you should see you're eyes!"_ We started laughing hard tears rolling down our eyes.

 _ **February 14th**_

 _ **It's Valentines day omg Comet I can't believe how sweet Brooke is she sent me four tickets to see my favorite band Fall Out Boy! I am freaking out I am so excited! They are awesome and so hard to get tickets for! I couldn't believe it when I saw my email today she is just unbelievable!**_

" _ **My dearest P. Sawyer They say**_ _ **Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.**_ _ **Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness. I hate being apart this was always our holidays eve since that night in the ocean "Hoe's Over Bro's right" Well times change I guess you're in Venice now with that hottie Solan and I'm well.. here stuck in eternal damnation. One of us should be happy right I want it to be you babe, you deserve a lifetime of it.**_

 _ **I know how much you love these dudes and I have to say they are pretty awesome I love their songs. Thanks for making me listen to them. Anyway enough of me whining, Have fun Peyton with whoever you chose to take. Please take some pics or vids if you can would love to share in it anyway I could.**_

 _ **Love always P You're BFF Brooke**_

" _She sounds depressed Solan I am so worried" "You look beautiful Peyton"_

I smiled at Solan as he took my hand leading me outside the weather here is amazing. " _Well as you saw in Memphis Hospitals no matter how well aimed are just lonely empty"_ He was right before we left we visited St. Jude's in Memphis Ellie wanted to do a little performance for the kids. We got the tour it was a lively wonderful place but so sad seeing all the kids so sick. I hated every minute of it. Even though they worked so hard to make it a happy hopeful place.

Ellie drove to the venue as I looked out the window. " _I wish there was something I could do for her"_

" _Maybe there is" "What? How I'm halfway across the world" "Well we live in a very technical age why don't you chose a song each day record it maybe do a little message with it, send it to her, like a personal playlist" "Oh my god you are a genius!"_ I threw my arms around him he laughed taking me in his kissing me.

 _ **"You're a canary, I'm a coal mine  
'Cause sorrow is just all the rage  
Take one for the team, you all know what I mean**_

 _ **And I'm so sorry, but not really  
Tell the boys were to find my body  
New York eyes, Chicago thighs  
Pushed up the window to kiss you off**_

 _ **[Chorus]  
The truth hurts worse than anything  
I could bring myself to do to you  
The truth hurts worse than anything  
I could bring myself to do to you**_

 _ **Do you remember the way I held your hand  
under the lamp post and ran?  
This way, so many times I could close my eyes"**_

 _ ****_

Dancing throwing my hands up in the crowd I felt free I felt young sexy boys were eying me up girls were eying me down. Solan's hands slid on my waist as I shock my hips. Love is complicated it's painful but tonight I wasn't thinking about any of it I was just listening to the shred of the guitar the pounding of the keys on the piano and keyboards, the rhythmics of the drummer. The powerful voice of Pete Wentz.

We danced through out the whole night we kissed we flirted we drank we laughed we danced and danced. We sang shouted till we were hoarse.

Later that night after everyone was asleep in the house I went outside under the moonlight I practiced for about an hour on my guitar before taking my video camera after a quick check to make sure my hair and face looked alright. I went to the beach finding a perfect spot on the sand overlooking the ocean. Pressing play I took a deep breath.

" _Brooke tonight you made me the happiest girl on this earth Fallout Boy was extraordinary I can never repay you for this. Pete smiled at me he threw his pick at me_ I held it up for her to see.

" _I can't help but hear the sadness in your voice, I have no clue what's going on but I just want you to be happy healthy safe, so Solan came up with this awesome idea about sending you a song a day" "Some days they will be original ones, tonight however since it's late I will honor Fallout Boy I hope you like this song"_

" _I love you Brooke always know that I hope you know you can confide in me don't be afraid I won't break, the truth will never hurt as much as a lie"_

Taking a deep breath I started to play singing softly at first than getting into it my voice rising as I played louder looking into the camera. Wishing it was Brooke's eyes.

" _ **You are a getaway car, a rush of blood to the head  
But me, I'm just the covers on top of your bed  
You steer away in a rear view mirror you make my head swim  
I keep you warm and won't ask you where you've been**_

 _ **With your backless black dress soaked to the skin  
When it's said and down they're all scrambling  
And we're friends, yeah we're friends  
Just because we move units**_

 _ **Strike us like matches, cause everyone deserves the flames  
We only do it for the scars and stories, not the fame  
At least everyone is trying, everyone else is shining  
Everyone deserves the flames but it's such a shame  
Such a shame**_

 _ **The sounds of this small town make my ears hurt  
Oh yeah, you caught me. But I caught you way worse  
They say, "You want a war? You've got a war."  
But who are you fighting for?  
The tides out, the ship's run aground  
We drown traitors in shallow water" **_


	37. Chapter 37

**Life As We Know ItTitle:**

 **Song: I've got a dark Ally and A Bad idea that you should shut your mouth**

 **Artist: Fallout Boy**

 **February 22**

 **P O V: Nathan**

" _ **And the record won't stop skipping  
And the lies just won't stop slipping  
And besides my reputation's on the line  
We can fake it for the airwaves  
Force our smiles, baby, half dead  
From comparing myself to everyone else around me"**_

Brooke had been laying there for over a week watching re watching Peyton's videos. That was her favorite one so far. " _Babe wanna get up and start decorating?" "Is Sophia out?" "Yes cool lets go than"_ Helping her up Haley and I each took a side. She was so weak now she could barely stand on her own for longer than five minutes even with Quinn coming every day to work out with her.

She amazed me though as tired as I know she was she worked through her exhaustion moving furniture out of the way. Hanging streamers banners which all the kids had helped make. Blowing up balloons hanging collages of pictures her family had brought in which Brooke put together over the last few weeks.

The whole thing took about three hours she had to stop every few minutes to rest suck on some oxygen or close her eyes. " _I hope she loves it" "She will baby she will"_ Haley reassured her wrapping her arm around Brooke's shoulders. After three hours Brooke and Quinn went back to her room so she could rest while Haley and I did the rest sneaking kisses in between balloons.

Around five pm we woke Brooke up so she could shower and get ready Sophia's parents had kept her occupied. She was weak but not as weak as earlier. Haley helped her shower. After I took my own in the spare room I went into her bathroom to check on them. Okay so I also didn't mind the glance at a naked Haley give me a break I am 15 horny and deprived.

I rushed out just as they came out of the shower. " _I look horrible!"_ Brooke called out tears building up in her eyes we had been trying to keep her form the mirror but she's a teenage girl it was impossible the moment Haley went to pee she grabbed the mirror off the wall. I ran inside hearing Brooke's cries. Wrapping my arms around her I pulled her to me. " _Brooke you are beautiful stop putting yourself down, beauty is eternal you have the most beautiful ray of light that shines through"_ Haley hugged her tight. _"Brooke I know it's hard one day you're swelling up with fluid or effects of the steroids, than you're losing so much weight you can't even stand" You're eyes are sunken in, you have rashes I know you feel ugly, you are not ugly Brooke everything you are going through will build you're strength, start thinking positively, repeat after me Brooke Penelope Davis."_ She spun Brooke around taking her face in her hands. Staring deep into her eyes. _"_ _What lies behind_ _me_ _and what lies in front of_ _me_ _, pales in comparison to what lies inside of_ _me_ _._ _Brooke There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.  
_

Slowly she repeated after Haley.

" _What lies behind me and what lies in front of me, pales in comparison to what lies inside of me. There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it."_

Haley gently kissed her face all over brushing away her tears pulling her to her. After a few more minutes Brooke was ready to get dressed. I couldn't help but stare at her though she had lost so much weight she was down from 120 pounds to 75. She couldn't eat she tried so hard everyday we were feeding her but she kept throwing up or having diarrhea. Her mouth was covered in sores going down her throat. Everything burned so badly it was like swallowing acid every time she tried to eat or drink. She bled constantly, the chemo made sweet things turn sour. She wanted to eat so bad she was so hungry thanks to the steroids she just couldn't. It's hell for me seeing her suffer.

Her eyes were sunken in dark circles lined under them they were blood shot, her skin was covered in rashes, blisters. So makeup was impossible because it burned her more. Her chest had two long scars from the ports in them, mom kept assuring her it was temporary yet to Brooke it didn't matter in this moment all she saw was something making her look different. Just lower south from her scars was some discoloration from the Radiation her skin was dry and flaky, She was so very pale. Her nails had become discolored, ridged. A slight bluish cast had settled around her lips and nails from lack of oxygen. I noticed her hair had become thinner around her eyebrows, I didn't say anything to her. I wasn't sure how she would take it when it started falling out. I wanted to talk to her but I just didn't know how to approach her. I made a mental note to talk to Haley or Quinn tonight. Kissing her forehead I whispered to her. " _Brooke you have the most beautiful eyes ever, so full of life love hope laughter they sparkle, your smile it lights up a room. I want you to look in the mirror and see what we see not focus on what your mind is telling you to see"_

Haley slipped her Towel off and helped her get into her bra and panties which were a cute pair of red roses covering them, next she slipped on a pair of jean shorts and the Jersey Peyton had sent her with her nickname on it. P. Sawyer. It was hell for me to get it off of her so I could wash it she slept in it every night.

In typical Brooke fashion as soon as we reached the sunroom which was filled with teens and parents from the unit she sucked up her feelings and plastered on a brilliant smile. We waited in the crowd for Sophia to come with her family. She started giving order where people should stand to fix decorations that had been moved. It was great seeing her back in action even if she was being bossy.

"Surprise _!"_ We shouted out as she came in gasping covering her mouth " _Happy Sweet 16 Sophia!" "Oh my lord you all didn't...How did…."_ She started crying hard as we all ran to her embracing her " _Thank you Brooke you did this didn't you?"_ She never denied it but she didn't take credit for it either. Sophia hugged her tighter as she cried. I saw Haley's eyes fill with tears as we moved back to let them have their moment. " _What's wrong don't tell me your one of those girly girls who cries at sappy movies, love songs and dog commercials" "So what if I am?" "Than I might have to kiss you" "Oh I might have to say yes than" 'Are you okay?" "Yeah I'm sorry it's just so emotional seeing these kids reach a milestone you didn't think they would reach I just I worry you know..She's so sick she seems so depressed right now, she's putting on a show for Sophia but what if Brooke doesn't live to see her 16_ _th_ _Birthday?"_

" _She will Haley" She will"_ I said the words with so much force so much conviction I saw Haley flinch and Brooke turn yet inside I worried, I wondered and I shock with fear would she? Would Brooke live to see 16? _  
_


	38. Chapter 38

**Title: Life As We Know It**

 **Song: I kissed a Girl/ Weightless**

 **Artist: Katy Perry/ All Time Low**

 **P O V: Brooke**

We spent a good hour dancing singing laughing there were many fast songs making us grind throw our arms up in the air. Of course this sparked a dance competition between Quinn, Sophia and Brooke. I watched as they bucked, jumped spun, locked twirled. Haley had a hard time as to who to root for her sister also her ride home or Brooke. The rest of the kids took sides cheering chanting Sophia! Brooke! Quinn! Clapping laughing they never stopped moving themselves.

Brooke jumped up her legs in back turned arms up her body looked fierce even in it's shrinking form. I wasn't good with the name of the moves but whatever it was looked awesome. Coming down she beat the floor challenging Quinn, at this point Sophia was out of breath and had taken sides with the teens cheering for Brooke. Quinn smiled stepping to her undaunted,

The music pumped both of them up as they teased each other stepped to each others faces slapped their own asses and smirked. _"_ _Soulja Boy_ " Haley called out clapping as Quinn did the move, Brooke waved her finger at her grinning as the teens as cheered whistling calling out threats to them. Brooke moved her body in some style called krumping I think. She was sexy that's all I know as she jumped spun hit her hands together in Quinn's face.

She created an illusion that she was flying in the space confined room her feet doing a series of gliding and sliding posses, pirouettes.

I started to worry that it was becoming to intense seeing Brooke breathing so hard, she's been dancing for years I've never seen her breath that hard in just a few minutes. I know Quinn saw it to her eyes locking with Brooke's asking her of she wanted to stop. Brooke made some kind of ditch with her fingers in Quinn's face, I saw Quinn nod like challenge accepted as she did a series of backflips into a handstand. Everyone gasped I wanted to kill her she knew how weak Brooke was she shouldn't go to that extreme.

I felt Haley squeeze my hand leaning into me whispering " _My sister knows what she is doing she's been doing dance therapy with kids for awhile trust her she knows Brooke"_ I wanted to argue that I knew Brooke well enough to so I knew she would push herself till she broke.

I didn't I decided to let them have fun they deserved it. I could also see Quinn was watching Brooke carefully so maybe Haley was right. Brooke did a series of feet moves fast and fluid before she went into pop and locking within minutes each of them had an army of teens behind them dancing with them. Grabbing my cell I started recording it.

I'm not sure if anyone truly won the challenge however afterwards they all collapsed on to the couch the bean bag chairs and the floor as well as various chairs breathing heavy laughing cheering clapping high fiving. Sophia fell into Brooke's lap burying her face.

" _Lets calm this down a bit before we start having you all vomiting all over"_

Haley clapped calling out as she handed out smoothies, milkshakes and cola's that she had prepared. " _I know Truth or dare!"_ Brooke called out Haley and I both looked at Quinn who laughed laying her hand on her shoulder " _Uh Brooke maybe we shouldn't" "I'll keep it PG guys" "Who wants Truth or dare?"_ They cheered clapping as they gathered around.

I lowered the lights as music still played softly Brooke started pointing to Raelynn. " _Truth or dare?" "Dare me baby!"_ Brooke's grin was almost devilish as she called out pumping her closed fist _"Yes that's what I am talking about!" "Take the syringe and blast the nurses with cool-aid!" "_ _AWEsome!"_ She jumped up grabbing the Syringe from Haley's hands.

We gathered at the door hearing shouts of surprise shock and screams she came running back laughing as we heard shouts of revenge being issued by the staff. As soon as she was back inside we closed the door barricading it with our chairs. " _Okay my turn now Sabrina Truth or dare?' "Truth" "Okay if you had to pick two celebrities to be you're parents who and why?" "Uh duh Easy Brad and Angie their world travels and rich famous and in every movie out! My life would be one movie premiere with every hottie on my arm." "Nora truth or dare?" "Dare!"_

Sabrina clapped laughing I feared for Nora I saw Clay shake his head mouthing she'll regret this. " _Randomly yell out words through out the game""PERFECT!"_ She yelled out causing all of us to laugh. Brooke pointed to Tyler _"Truth or dare son?" "Dare me mama" "Call some random elderly person and act lost and confused"_

" _Sorry Pastor Dean it's on"_ We all laughed as he grabbed Rae's cell phone dialing the number _"Hello?" "Carl? Is this Carly? Why aren't you returning my calls? Carl don't you know how horny I am! Carl it's been ...how long? Where are you? I can't find you! Where's my Viagra!"_ We were all laughing so hard I thought I saw Brooke holding her lower half afraid she would pee. _"I'm sorry you have the wrong number mister" "No I don't I know this is you Carl why are you pretending you don't know me?" "No 'Sir this is Pastor dean I am a youth pastor I can help you repent you're sins sir Homosexuality is wrong I can help you seek absoluteness, forgiveness you can be cured of this disease" "Fuck you dude"_ Tyler hung up as a thick silence fell on us Sophia looked sad Brooke wrapped her arm around her shoulders. " _Screw him great job Tyler that was awesome he's a dick not you're fault" "Truth or dare Tate?" "Truth" "Okay so if you had to live in a dirt home poor_ _but with you're family verse a fancy home loads of money but no family what would you chose?" "Dirt poor with my crazy ass funny family thank you easy next victim" "Brooke holla girl truth or dare baby girl?" "Dare me bitch" "Aw yeah Kiss someone you like here"_ I saw her blush deeply. I covered my mouth oh my god who would she chose? She was so shocked she couldn't talk that must be a first.

It happened so fast I didn't have time to think jumping as Nora yelled out _"Busted!"_ making Brooke even more nervous. She grabbed Sophia's arm pulling her close locking eyes with hers. Crashing her lips to Sophia's I prayed Sophia wouldn't freak out, Rae cheered the rest of them gasped as Brooke sealed the kiss passionately. Haley grabbed my arms squealing burying her face in my arm. Sophia responded by pushing Brooke down on the floor crawling on top of her, Brooke's left hand rested on Sophia's bottom. Their kiss heated up even more I saw kids recording it, Sophia's lips traveled down Brooke's face to her collar bone, I heard her moan softly.

The whole room busted into applause as they came up for air panting blushing. " _Challenge!"_ Nora yelled out jumping up pulling Tate, Sabrina and Rae up with her dancing crazy as they started singing out.

" _ **I kissed a girl and I liked it**_ _ **  
**_ _ **The taste of her cherry chapstick**_ _ **  
**_ _ **I kissed a girl just to try it  
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it**_ _ **  
**_ _ **It felt so wrong, it felt so right  
Don't mean I'm in love tonight**_ _ **  
**_ _ **I kissed a girl and I liked it**_ _ **"**_

Austin grabbed Nora kissing her she squealed wrapping her arms around him as they danced sexy. Another random word was yelled out " _Awesome!"_ Sophia wrapped her arms around Brooke's shoulders as they swayed. " _Haley truth or dare?" "Dare" "Grab two people and do an improv we need some music up in 'ere!"_ Of course Nora yelled out " _Hell YEAH!"_

Haley practically danced up to the stage grabbing Quinn who was dancing with Clay and Rae. Adjusting her Mic she handed Rae the bass guitar taking lead. Her cords hung in the air as she let it rip. Yelling out " _Truth or dare Gina?" "Truth yo'" "What's you're deepest confession?" "I have gas"_ she laughed as we all covered our noses shaking our heads yelling back " _TMI" "I'm sick of friends who don't understand there's more to life than a cute boy not liking you, who don't get that not getting super shoes_ _is not the end of the world"_ Gina finished up as Brooke yelled out to her _"I want my chance to live my life weightless I want that_ _t_ _o be my biggest worry.. I want to be a normal kid who's biggest worry is if will win the game Friday if my chero wi_ _l_ _l be enough to win Nationals" "Truth or Dare Tate?" "I dare everyone to stand up clap and cheer loudly for Haley James"_

This was meet with no Resistances in fact the kids all jumped up screaming cheering whistling dancing as Haley struck a cord that lingered in the room starting to sing her hair wild as she danced on stage.

" _ **Manage me, I'm a mess  
Turn a page, I'm a book half unread  
I wanna be laughed at, laughed with, just because  
I wanna feel weightless and that should be enough**_

 _ **Well I'm stuck in this fucking rut  
Waiting on a second-hand pick-me-up  
And I'm over getting older**_

 _ **If I could just find the time  
Then I would never let another day go by  
I'm over getting old  
**_

Sophia and Brooke danced side by side as Katie and Rae danced, Nora and Austin waved their arms back and forth smiling at each other. " _Epic!"_ Nora yelled out prompting Brooke to yell " _Nora stop yelling words now!" **  
"** Thank God!" _She yelled back grabbing Austin kissing him as all the kids started singing with her.

 _ **Maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year  
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere  
And this is my reaction to everything I fear  
'Cause I've been going crazy, I don't wanna waste another minute here**_

 _ **I make believe that I impress  
That every word, by design, turns a head  
I wanna feel reckless, wanna live it up just because  
I wanna feel weightless 'cause that would be enough**_

 _ **If I could just find the time  
Then I would never let another day go by  
I'm over getting old**_

 _ **Maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year  
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere  
And this is my reaction to everything I fear  
'Cause I've been going crazy, I don't wanna waste another minute here**_

 _ **This could be all that I've waited for  
(I've waited, I've waited for)  
And this could be everything I don't wanna dream anymore**_

 _ **Maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year  
And I've been going crazy, I'm stuck in here**_

 _ **Maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year  
(It's gonna be my year)  
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere  
(Go nowhere)  
And this is my reaction to everything I fear  
(Everything I fear)  
'Cause I've been going crazy, I don't want to waste another minute here:"  
**_


	39. Chapter 39

**Title: Life As We Know It**

 **P O V: Nathan**

There was something sad yet rewarding about seeing all these amazing kids who are all strong, unique brave, funny and smart in their own ways belting out a punk rock song. While wearing hospital gowns some with IV"s some bald, some had masks on. Some with prosthesis yet all smiling dancing singing acting silly.

The lyrics spoke to them all in different ways in a way that someone who's never experienced hospital life could never understand. The fact that when you're sick and in pain and all you want is sleep the one thing you will never get in a hospital because at six in the morning a Med student comes than two more followed by a Resident which leads to a phlebotomist, respiratory, physical therapist than you're main doctor. Of course there's the machines beeping constantly the smells the noises.

The loneliness of watching you're friends live their lives bringing you news of happenings in a world you use to belong to one that you long to get back to. One you're afraid you'll never see again. Sometimes it seems like a dream basketball, classes, hanging out with our friends. I may not be sick like Brooke but I get how she feels because as long as she is sick this is also my new world. Sometimes I sit by her window when she tries to catch a few minutes of rest. I watch the kids in the neighborhood play basketball carefree. I remember how it felt to suit up to pray that I had a good game, to fear that my biggest worry was how many points I would make.

Now I worry about her counts infections, fevers, how sick she would be how much pain she would face what drugs could we use to help ease her without getting her addicted how can I help her and myself keep up with classes when she was too sick to even sit up. How do I get her to eat when she can't even keep water down?

What could I do to keep her from getting depressed? Would drugs really help or just mask her feelings? How do I get her to talk to share? If she does talk what can I really do? I'm only 15 myself I am no expert. So many worries how do I get her motivated to keep her faith to keep fighting when she's so exhausted physically and emotionally it seems like there's no point?

It's nice that today I can see that glimmer of the old Brooke in her eyes the one that was only concerned with being popular being cute winning her nationals, regionals or whatever dance competition that laid ahead. Now she was laughing smiling dancing singing. Like every other normal teen out there. Haley helped me relax and dance.

By the time Bleue came with Claire to check on everyone we had settled down Brooke's head was on Sophia's shoulder. After presents were given out we broke up. Taking a walk to wind down we found ourselves a few units down in the younger kids units. Jamie came racing up To Haley he had a rare form of Leukemia which made it so he hardly left the hospital.

He threw his arms around Haley's shoulders she laughed holding him up flying him through the air. His laughter rung out in the hallway. When she placed him down he looked at Brooke. " _Hi Gorgeous what's you're name? I'm Jamie wanna play?"_ Brooke was taken back by how adorable and forthcoming he was. " _You think I'm gorgeous buddy?" "Yeah like duh you're hot but I really wanna play and mommies sleeping can you stay for a while?"_ Brooke looked at me as if asking my permission. Shrugging I didn't see why not so we let Jamie lead us to the playroom.

For about an hour we played Jack and Marbles and hand games. He was a lively kid who's smile captured all of us. He flirted with Brooke sitting in her lap playing with her hair.

By 9pm Jamie was called back to his room. I saw how his attention really lifted Brooke's spirit. Back in their room Brooke gave Sophia her present. She didn't want it to be a public spectacular, Sophia read her card first wiping away her tears.

" _I didn't know you could rap Miss. Davis" "I can't it's so lame uh" "No babe it's awesome"_ She started to rap it out making all of us laugh.

" _A scary unknown bomb turned into a bond I never knew could be so strong, a bond I hope will morph into a life long friendship, long after these four walls have faded into graduation. Strangers turn to friends who love like sisters forever I'll hold you in my memories every road we take no matter the journeys, happiest of birthdays my dear sweet sixteen year old warrior, together will battle against Leukemia"_

Sophia hugged her tight opening her present she turned the DVD over looking for a title. " _Pop it in you'll like it babe trust me"_ Sophia patted her bed so Brooke sat by her as Quinn popped the DVD into the player. Laying their heads against each others, I watched as Brooke eyed her. The screen frizzled to life as Haley and I cuddled on Brooke's bed. Quinn and Edele took the seats by the window.

The cast of 13 the musical appeared on screen singing Stereo with a fully choreographed routinethroughout the Chorus they added Happy 16th Birthday Sophia to the chorus.

" _ **My heart's a stereo  
It beats for you, so listen close  
Hear my thoughts in every note o-oh  
Make me your radio  
Turn me up when you feel low  
This melody was meant for you  
So sing along to my stereo"**_

 _ **If I was just another dusty record on the shelf  
Would you blow me off and play me like everybody else  
If I asked you to scratch my back, could you manage that?**_

Each of the cast members took turns wishing Sophia a Happy Birthday first up was Graham Phillips who plays Evan Goldman.

" _Yo Sophia I just wanted to give a shout-out to my very special fan 16 is a special age keep smiling keep hoping believing. We all have a little more homework to do so keep studying I can't wait to meet you"_

 _ ****_ _ **Furthermore, I apologize for any skipping tracks**_ __

 _ **It's just the last beat that played me left a couple cracks  
I used to used to used to used to, now I'm over that  
**_

Next up was Allie Trimm who plays Patrice who was dancing like crazy as her long hair was flying she pumped her arms pointing to the camera _"_ _My wish for you_ _Sophia_ _is simple to say but not so easy to do: I hope you live a full life...full of joy and wonder, full of loving family and, finally, full of trustworthy friends. Happy 16th!"_

 _ **Not holding on to older lyrics like ancient artifacts  
If I could only find a note to make you understand  
I'd sing it softly in your ear and grab you by the hands  
To keep me stuck inside your head, like your favorite tune  
And know my heart's a stereo that only plays for you **_

Tapping his feet his boyish grin froze on the screen for a minute before Aaron Simon Gross who plays Archie tipped his hat to the camera.

" _This is your special day, your birthday. If it's as special as you, it will be extraordinary._

 _Happy 16th birthday_ _Sophia_ _!"_

" _ **If I was an old-school, fifty pound boombox  
Would you hold me on your shoulder, wherever you walk  
Would you turn my volume up in front of the cops?"**_

Eric Nelsen was next up he plays Brett my favorite character.

" _Hoping your dreams take flight today, so you can soar through life's storms and sunlight with joy in your heart and the wind beneath your wings. Happy 16th birth_ _day Sophia"_

" _ **And crank it higher every time you hear the beat drop  
And all I ask is that you don't get mad at me  
I'm playing hard but working harder, that's the motto B"**_

Ariana Grande who plays Charlotte was next damn she's hot she smirked at the camera winking swinging her hips _"She knows how to work a camera no doubt about it mark my words she'll be a star someday guys"_ Brooke said what I was thinking out loud.

"" _Sweet 16 honey wow I can't wait till I turn 16 I'm gonna have a giant party that'll turn up all NYC and I can't wait to meet you darlin cause we gonna do it right we're having a massive party when you get down here, stay humble stay sweet. Life is hard sometimes you'll stumble fall cry wonder why me, in the end sometimes the hardest melodies make the sweetest tunes so turn it up and dance baby cuz you're 16!"_

" _ **Appreciate every mixtape your friends make  
You never know, we come and go like on the interstate  
I think I finally found a note to make you understand"**_

Delaney Moro and Elizabeth Gillies appeared on screen clapping making faces as they danced bumping hips. They play Kendra and Lucy smiling they shouted out at the same time.

" _Being 16 is wonderful because you can conveniently act grown up and dumb as when you need to. Enjoy this phase of life while you have it. Happy Birthday Sweet Sophia thank you for you're love and Support!"_

" _ **If you can hit it, sing along and take me by the hand  
T' keep me stuck inside your head, like your favorite tune  
And know my heart's a stereo that only plays for you"**_

 _ **her face flushed**_

I don't think Brooke excepted Sophia to grab her and kiss her so full of passion and gratitude. She could barely grab the covers long enough to get a grip before Bleue came inside they broke apart quickly blushing. True teenage embarrassment getting caught making out. Little moments like this kept us sane in this world. They were brief fleeting but they existed. They made the horrible times bearable because it gave us hope.

" _You need to eat Brooke before we give you the meds" "I can't keep anything down" "We have to try" "We there's no we in this Bleue I'm the one who's sick who's throwing up everything, who's mouth is on fire" "I know I am sorry Brooke but eating is necessary to get better lets just try a little"_

Haley sat by her trying to feed her ice cream but the second it hit her mouth she started vomiting badly Haley didn't even have time to grab a basin. Before she threw up all over herself, her face flushed as she gagged chocolate ice cream splashed everywhere. Haley freaked trying to grab her to help her up so she could clean her up but before she could Brooke had another accident in her pants.

I saw the tears of frustration well up in her eyes as Haley helped her up but the activities of the evening caught up to her her legs giving out. She fell into Haley's arms projecting vomiting all over the bed, floor, Haley's hair chest, I'm pretty sure she got her face to. Rushing over to them Edele, Quinn and I got Haley and Brooke up the four of us becoming Brooke's legs as we walked half carried her into the bathroom. I took her from Haley's arms as Edele and Quinn closed the door giving us some privacy. Brooke moaned her eyes half closed. Haley stripped down as she tuned on the water testing it.

I was so thankful to Haley she never made a comment or made Brooke feel bad even though the Vomit/ Diahrea smelled the throw up feeling nasty on our skin she kept her composer and gently helped Brooke undress. Her legs refused to work. I held her as Haley cleaned her up before helping her into the shower.

Taking her so I could undress I hurried knowing that even though she barely weighed anything she was still dead weight. Brooke wanted no part in this she kept fighting us saying she could do it herself. Haley never told her she couldn't she just held her while I washed her off. I could feel her body was burning up which worried me. Looking to Haley I asked her softly if she felt warm to her before she could answer Brooke gagged rushing over to the toilet pucking again and again.

" _God kill me now please"_

Her eyes filled with tears as we rushed to her side. Seeing her body give out her head hit the floor.


	40. Chapter 40

**Title: Life As We Know It**

 **Song: Wind Bength My Wings**

 **Artist: Bette Midder/** **Idina Menzel**

 **P O V: Haley**

Nathan and I managed to get Brooke up lifting her gently her head fell against my shoulder she was so weak so pale my hear raced. My hand went under her legs as I lifted her carrying her to the tub which Nathan had now fixed to become a bath.

He helped me get her inside sitting her between my legs Nathan sat opposite side her legs resting in his lap as her head fell against my chest. Together we washed her off silently kissing her head. She was so small now so thin. She moaned slowly waking up. " _Haley" "Yes Tigger?" "Thank you for not abounding me you've been an amazing friend" "I won't either Brooke so don't forget it" "_ _Can I tell you something?" "Sure sweetness" "I think...I..."Whatever it is you can trust me"_ I moved her hair out of the way. " _I know it was a dare but I really liked it when Sophia kissed me does that make me gay?"_ I was at a loss at how to answer her looking at Nathan who shrugged taken back at her confession. Running my hand through her hair I kissed her forehead thinking carefully about what I would say to her.

" _Have you had feelings towards girls before? Do you have feelings towards girls?"_ She was quiet for a bit had she fallen asleep? _"Yes I think I am in love with Peyton I've been dreaming about her for a long time since I was 12 or 13, I know it makes me a freak" "No No sweetheart it doesn't it makes you human it makes you a teenager we all have dreams sexually charged romantic dreams it's a part of growing up, who you love it doesn't make you a freak sweetie, if anyone says it does than that's their issue that they need to work on"_

I couldn't tell if she was crying but her face was wet so I brushed her wetness from her face kissing it feeling my emotions welling up. How could Brooke think she was a freak? She was so beautiful in just the few weeks I had known her she's touched my life.

" _Brooke I care about you what I don't care about is if you're a lesbian, transgender, straight, bisexual, as long as you stay as wonderful sweet compassionate and badass as you are always"_ Nathan rubbed her feet washing her legs with body wash. _"Well I care Brooke"_ Her head snapped up as she looked at him. " _I have enough issues getting hot girls to like me with just the boys I have to compete against now I have to go against the sexiest bitch in Tree Hill?_ _Man you sure know how to make a brother feel crappy"_ Brooke laughed softly smiling too weak to make much of a statement.

Pulling my hand away from her hair I was shocked to see her hair come with my hand. I felt my own body start to shake. Of all times for this to be happening not now. Now she was crying as she turned to see what had stopped me cold. Nathan was quick to take her in his arms as her body started to shake violently. Every emotion played out on her face shock, anger, fear, disgust, depression all in seconds. It kept falling out not just in one strand but strand after strand. She was crying so hard she started coughing which lead her to start vomiting and gasping blood filled her hands as well as mine it covered Nathan's chest.

We held off calling a nurse cleaning her up ourselves " _I'm ugly inside and out Haley no one is going to want to kiss me be near me. Even my own body is rejecting me"_ We held her rubbing her back letting her cry my heart broke for her. Wiping her face did no good the tears kept falling along with her eyebrows and eyelashes. How much more was she going to have to suffer? How much more would be taken from her?

 _ **It must have been cold there in my shadow**_

 _ **To never have sunlight on your face**_

 _ **You were content to let me shine**_

 _ **You always walked a step behind**_

 _ **So**_ _ **I was the one with all the glory**_ _ **  
**_ _ **While you were the one with all the strength**_ _ **  
**_ _ **A beautiful face without a name for so long**_ _ **  
**_ _ **A beautiful smile to hide the pain"**_

 _ **Did you ever know that you're my hero  
And everything I would like to be?  
I can fly higher than an eagle  
**_ _ **For you are the wind beneath my wings**_ _ ****_

 _ **It might have appeared to go unnoticed  
But I've got it all here in my heart  
I want you to know, I know the truth, of course I know it  
I would be nothing without you**_ _ ****_

 _ **Did you ever know that you're my hero?  
You're everything I wish I could be  
I could fly higher than an eagle  
For you are the wind beneath my wings **_

Slowly she stopped coughing crying her breathing eased as Nathan washed the conditioner out of her hair. Gently I washed her private areas feeling the hair come out form even there, tears slide down Cancer left nothing untouched. It was cruel unforgiving and heartless.

My fingers slide over her face I would do anything to take away her pain to make her smile sing laugh to make sure she knew how smart, talented amazing beautiful she is. I kissed her head her checks her forehead her eyebrows I willed them stay on her head. I willed my strength to go to her to see her through the next few months.

 _ **Oh, the wind beneath my wings  
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings  
**_ _ **Fly, fly, fly away, you let me fly so high**_ _ **  
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings  
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings**_

 _ **Fly, fly, so high against the sky  
So high I almost touch the sky  
Thank you, thank you  
Thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings **_


	41. Chapter 41

**Title: Life As We Know It**

 **P O V: Nathan**

Quinn came and got Brooke after we got her cleaned up leaving Haley and I to clean ourselves up draining the tub we cleaned it first before smearing the soap on each other. I ran my hands through her hair, even covered in vomit and blood her hair smelled amazing like strawberries. The soap cascaded down her body as I held her to me feeling her skin against mine. She felt amazing our bodies pressed firmly together she sagged in exhaustion and depression.

Holding her I closed my eyes I felt old for the first time since this started here I am naked in the shower with a beautiful sexy girl. At 15 yet I wasn't thinking about having sex with her I was worried about Brooke about how much blood she had lost how she was depressed again.

" _You have an amazing voice Haley you should own it go after a career you could make it I know you could"_

" _Thanks Nathan maybe someday but I'm not good enough now I need more training more time"_

" _Don't we all Hales?" "Time isn't promised only today is so take it own it make it yours"_

Hours later we laid in bed with a sleeping drugged Brooke all I could think about was how depressed she would be watching her hair fall out. Haley was sound asleep next to her I was surprised they hadn't kicked her out yet. Laying my head back I tried to figure out what I could do to help her when a scream broke through my thoughts.

Getting up I went to the door with Edele who had been half asleep we saw a commotion going on down the hall in Katie's room. Sophia and Brooke came up behind us with Haley a few minutes later. " _What's going on?"_ Brooke was leaning on Haley the whole time. Shrugging I went to find someone who could tell us.

I got closer to Katie's room but stopped seeing her parents crying holding each other, doctors running in and out of her room along with a whole bunch of medical personal. Swallowing it didn't take long for me to figure out even before I heard Katie's uncle confirmed to me. " _Katie has_ _Pneumocystis jirovecii_ _she's not excepted to make it"_

How was I suppose to tell Sophia and Brooke that their friend was dying? It hit me hard that this was real that as hard as they fought as strong as they remained as much as they prayed to live. Cancer kills no matter how old you are or how young you are.

I held Brooke as I told her what was happening she took Sophia's hand together we crawled into Sophia's bed the four of us holding each other. I felt Brooke's body shake as she softly said " _She was so happy tonight she was dancing she was laughing, this can't be happening, it's my fault I threw the party, ….""Shh baby no it's not your fault"_ Haley tried to get her to believe it stroking her hair. Sophia started sobbing harder " _It was my birthday she was dancing because of me she overdid it tonight to celebrate me" "_ _No sweetheart no neither one of you are to blame"_ Edele stroked both of their faces.

Katie died later that evening it was the first but I had a deep sinking feeling she wouldn't be the last warrior we would meet who we would lose.

Brooke couldn't sleep even after Sophia fell asleep in her arms. So she grabbed her cell phone to see if Peyton had sent her anymore videos or messages.

There wasn't just the one from this morning which she never got to see the whole thing. She never stopped watching her videos they brought her such happiness. Peyton's voice came on her beautiful smile as she talked to Brooke.

" _Hey babe I miss you hope you ha_ _ve_ _fun Celebrating Sophia's Birthday today, thought of you all_ _night_ _. I wanted to talk to you so bad, Solan and I we uh yeah this is awkward saying it to a camera and not my best friend face, but we took it to the next level. Yeah we had sex, it was amazing"_ I watched Brooke's face harden as Peyton confessed what had went down between her and Solan. I saw Brooke's eyes water tears leaking out. Damn it Peyton your timing sucks as always. Brooke had already lost so much tonight now she lost her dream about her and Peyton. My heart broke for her thinking about all the times I had been with Peyton and Brooke had to watch. I felt like a total ass.

" _I guess but I am so confused I could really use my bestie right now, call me please I need you. Anyway I hope you like today's song choice, I've been feeling pretty screwed up. So here's to Fall Out Boy"_

" _ **Joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of "best friends"*  
We're the kids who feel like dead ends  
And I want to be known for my hits, not just my misses  
I took a shot and didn't even come close  
At trust and love and hope  
And the poets are just kids who didn't make it  
And never had it at all**_

 _ **And the record won't stop skipping  
And the lies just won't stop slipping  
And besides my reputation's on the line  
We can fake it for the airwaves  
Force our smiles, baby, half dead  
From comparing myself to everyone else around me**_

 _ **Please put the doctor on the phone 'cause I'm not making any sense  
Blame everyone but me for this mess  
And my back has been breaking from this heavy heart  
We never seemed so far  
I'm hopelessly hopeful, you're just hopeless enough  
But we never had it at all**_

 _ **And the record won't stop skipping  
And the lies just won't stop slipping  
And besides my reputation's on the line  
We can fake it for the airwaves  
Force our smiles, baby, half dead  
From comparing myself to everyone else around me  
To everyone else around me  
Everyone else around me  
Everyone else around me" **_

" _Here's to you Katie another beautiful Poet who didn't make it will keep your record spinning"_ Brooke cried silently as Haley and I held her.


	42. Chapter 42

**Title: Life As We Know It**

 **P O V: Brooke**

" _So how did you end up here?"_

" _Well long story short my aunt met Tucker who was from here in the states seven years ago while he was on on Business in Ireland. He came back several times over that year, after the third trip he asked her out extending his stay just so he could take her out. They married later that year and she left Ireland to come over here because he is the Captain of a firehouse over here. My family is very close so when she left it kind of tore us apart. My grandmam was turning 90 years old on thee same day my youngest cousin Colin was turning five so we decided to have a big part to celebrate. We used it as an excuse to see America, you have a beautiful country over here but far too populated"_

I laughed yes I suppose she is right I glanced at Nathan who had buried himself at the desk in homework as Sophia and I laid on her bed getting our Chemo. " _I passed out at the party so they rushed me here the rest as you Americans say is history"_

" _Must suck to have all you're family back in Ireland though"_

" _Yea it does but I know I will beat this and I shall go home to be them"_

" _Must be nice though having family waiting for you back home"_

" _it is family is so important Brooke"_

I smiled weakly missing my parents even if they never gave a damn about me I still care about them guess it makes me pretty lame.

" _Brooke" "Yes Nathan?" "This is Nolan Haley's friend she asked him to come here so he could help you two with you're little hair issues"_

" _Little hair issues by that Nathan would you mean the shedding like a dog that neither of us can seem to stop?"_

" _Yea that"_

I checked him out okay so Nolan was kind of cute tall skinny yet muscular his tight black jeans clung to him in all the right places. His tight sparky top was sequined and glittery. His hair was short but a brilliant shade of pink. " _Hey ya'll so I am Nolan as Nathan said what he didn't tell ya is that I am a god of hair, I can do anything with nothing so who's my first victim I mean experiment?"_ _"Why the hell not it's not like you can do anything worse I'm going to lose it anyway"_ I volunteered he laughed snapping his fingers _"Firecracker I love it, you remind me of myself three years ago using humor to get through Cancer"_

Wait did he say three years ago? So he had cancer and he was fine now? As he worked on shaving my head I felt a lump in my throat tears prickled at my eyes. My beautiful long shiny hair that I spent so much time priming teasing and styling all being taken away. Stay strong Brooke it's only hair. It's only hair except it's not. To me my hair is a way to express myself in a world where I have so little control. I can always count on my hair to be the one thing that is mine. If I want to wear it up great if I feel like being sexy I can crimp it tease it braid it. I can dye it to express my mood. I love how the boys all run their hands through it. My hair makes me feel sexy beautiful.

Now it's all gone. I know it will grow back but it doesn't matter I feel like a part of me is being stripped away and I know the kids at school will never understand. They will talk behind my back they will call me a freak. I am to but no one can ever know how I feel. I have to remain strong.

I just want to be free of all of this pain the embarrassment the differences that set me apart I want to be normal. I know however normal is a long way away.

Nolan talked non stop the whole time telling us about his cancer journey starting when he was 15, how he met his first boyfriend when he was at cancer camp how he told his parents he was gay. How they told him to wear protection and not get Aids and do his homework. How he graduated high school top of his class president of his Gay Straight Alliance club. Now he was a freshman at North Carolina University studying cosmetology.

Turning around in the mirror when he was done I looked to Nathan who had a lump in his own throat. " _How do you feel?"_ Humor Brooke make them laugh so they don't see you cry. " _"Hairless"_ He laughed kissing the top of my shiny bald head. " _"You're still beautiful babe now go do you're homework or I'll stick Mama Haley on you" "oh no!"_

Quinn's announcement startled me later that afternoon Taylor was going behind my back trying to turn my own team against me. Oh hell no that bitch wasn't going to get away with it. I was in shock that Quinn, Gage got suspended for fighting her. " _I'm going to kick her ass right after I kick Leukemia into Remission"_ Quinn high fived me. _"You're on the right track now get you're lazy ass up and stretch bitch"_. I must of looked at her evilly because she swallowed " _Sorry Queen bitch" "Yes I am now don't forget it"_


	43. Chapter 43

**Title: Life As We Know It**

 **March 1st**

 **P O V: Nathan**

" _Remission achieved we did it!"_

My mom's voice rung out happily as she breezed into the room. Brooke and I both gasped as she squeezed my hand. We've been hoping we've been praying and fighting for this day for a month now. Brooke's face lite up today was her birthday what better present than to be declared in Remission?

She's been longing to get back to school for so long she just wants to be accepted admired she wants so bad to be back into her social circle. To claim her squad back. To have her friends look at her with admiration not pity, she wants to be able to hold a conversation about cute boys or girls, about the hottest parties. Not to have to hold her friends while they cry because their scared she's going to die because it's unfair that she's sick.

She wants to be treated like the old Brooke Remission can help us both get back into that world.

I feel her hug me as she lets a few tears escape. I almost didn't hear my mom talking. " _Sophia you're counts look awesome there's less than 5% blasts in you're marrow, we did it you can go home today!"_

Wait Sophia! I felt Brooke start to shake her face lowered to my chest as her body trembled in silent sobs. My body became cold I felt my heart rate drop yet my anger boiled over why would my mom do that to us?

" _Congratulations Sophia"_ Brooke honestly spoke to her as Sophia screamed and howled hugging her mom and almost step dad. She hugged her tightly excusing herself to go into the bathroom. I gave her privacy as I knew she was breaking down. I needed space I needed to vent so I went to the gym here. I didn't care if I made a basket I just needed to throw the ball to hit something to scream.

Tears of rage frustration anger sickness overwhelmed me for over an hour as I kicked the wall hitting it. Punching it before I exhausted myself. Falling against the wall. Burying my head in between my legs letting out my tears that I hadn't allowed to escape the last month.

I didn't even notice how much time had passed before I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. When I looked up I saw Haley and my mom there. Haley took me in her arms as I cried screaming. My moms voice echoed in my ears, I was dizzy too overcome to respond.

" _Nathan I am so sorry I never meant to lead you or Brooke on, I know how much you want this to be her, I do to it will happen Nate don't give up will keep fighting will keep going"_

I could barely face Brooke when I got back feeling ashamed for fleeing when she needed me to comfort her. I didn't know what to say to her but before I could even start to figure it out she wrapped her arms around me. Whispering _"_ _Time is shortening. But every day that I challenge this cancer and survive is a victory for me" Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." "We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up or fight like hell." "I'm gonna fight like hell Nate'_


	44. Chapter 44

**Title: Life As We Know It**

 **P O V: Brooke**

" _ **Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyway."**_

Those were the last words Peyton ever said to me I don't understand why she she won't talk to me what I ever did to upset her. It hurts bad worse than any side effect of Cancer, worse than watching Sophia walk out that door three weeks ago. Worse than a Bone Marrow Aspiration or even the words "Remission _not achieved"_

I keep scrolling through all our text messages I can't find anything that I said to her which would upset her. I wipe the tears away I don't want Nathan to see them. He's so upset I try to be strong for him. He wants me to be well so bad. I am trying so hard but food is my biggest challenge I keep losing weight two weeks ago they stuck a TPN gastric tube in me which is keeping me feed.

I re watch her last videos she's smiling she's blowing me kisses she doesn't seem mad she seems happy really happy. She looks beautiful her hairs longer curler, her eyes are shining. I want to run my fingers through her hair I miss having mine, but even more so because I love how hers always smelled. Like strawberries, coconuts. I miss holding her hearing her laugh.

I can't get it did Ellie tell her I am in love with her? Was she repulsed? Did she tell her I have Cancer? Was she angry? Scared or did she just not care? She told me once she couldn't stand to watch Ellie go through it she barely knew her. Was that why she didn't contact me? Did she not want to see me suffer? Why couldn't she just speak to me? I would understand. Sure it would hurt but at least I would know than.

 **Brooke to Peyton**

" _Hey Peyton I just want to say hi babe I miss you did I do something wrong? Why won't you answer me? I'm sorry for anything I did. I could really use you're love"_

Message sent. Would she answer? I doubt it. Sighing I saw Nathan and Haley at the table talking laughing kissing. I'm happy for them. Yet I am also scared I am fighting so hard yet I feel so damn sick. I don't know what else to do. This Leukemia doesn't seem to want to leave. The tube feed and the steroids did their trick. I've gained so much weight now, my checks are kind of chubby. I feel like I am retaining fluids. I feel so tired so cold all the time.

I won't give up everyday I get up I stretch I do my dance warm ups and my cheer warm ups. Several times a day I work out with my physical therapist and Quinn.

I need to get out my emotions somehow I can't dance without Bleue yelling at me so I asked Haley to play guitar for me as I set up my webcam to record me. I've never done this type of thing before but maybe Peyton will see how much I miss her if I do this.

I take a deep breath I close my eyes I start to sing to her.

" _ **Without you  
The ground thaws  
The rain falls  
The grass grows**_

 _ **Without you  
The seeds root  
The flowers bloom  
The children play**_

 _ **The stars gleam  
The poets dream  
The eagles fly**_

 _ **Without you  
The earth turns  
The sun burns  
But I die without you**_

 _ **Without you  
The breeze warms  
The girl smiles  
The cloud moves**_

 _ **Without you  
The tides change  
The boys run  
The oceans crash**_

 _ **The crowds roar  
The days soar  
The babies cry**_

 _ **Without you  
The moon glows  
The river flows  
But I die without you**_

 _ **The world revives  
(Colors renew)  
But I know blue, only blue  
Lonely blue  
(Within me blue)  
Without you**_

 _ **Without you  
The hand gropes  
The ear hears  
The pulse beats**_

 _ **Without you  
The eyes gaze  
The legs walks  
The lungs breathe**_

 _ **The mind churns  
(The mind churns)  
The heart yearns  
(The heart yearns)**_

 _ **The tears dry without you  
Life goes on but I'm gone  
'Cause I die without you**_

 _ **Without you  
Without you  
Without you"**_


	45. Chapter 45

**Title: Life As We Know It**

 **P O V: Nathan**

" _You gave up Basketball for this tramp?" "Are you kidding me Nathan! How stupid are you?"_

" _You're throwing away you're future for someone who has no future she's going to die Nathan get it through you're head! She has terminal Cancer, you though you have a future!"_

" _She's not terminal dad she's in Remission! I'm not stupid dad I'm loyal I don't just abounded my friends my family for my own selfishness that's you dad not me!"_

The fight from weeks earlier still rings in my head as I watch Haley comfort Brooke laying in bed with her. I can't sleep again I'm cold and scared. I can't believe my dad threw Brooke out of the house only hours after she was released from the hospital. I can't believe my mom stood by him just because he threatened her with something from her past.

I've been fighting with lawyers for weeks trying to get emancipated trying to get declared Brooke's legal guardian. Haley has been putting in so many hours at the cafe, I've been working at the local gym but the pay sucks.

I need to make choices soon I know it Brooke's been without treatment for weeks I can't trust anyone at the hospital they are all loyal to my mom. I've spent hours on the phone waiting to hear from doctors from all over the country. I'm wiling to go where ever I have to for Brooke.

She's been doing well all things considered she's so happy to be back in school, even happier that we both learned that will pass to 11th grade next year. Tonight I'm taking Haley out to celebrate and talk. Quinn's coming over to stay with Brooke. Haley has been a rock for me. She deserves to be celebrated.

So I suck up my fears take a shower and dress glad she's not someone who loves fancy expensive dinners. Since I'm broke.

" _Wow Nathan this is Beautiful when did you? How did you?"_ She's taken way by the roof top on the Cafe. Lucas had told me about their secret spot so I had it redone with flowers strung all over the sides, a single table with a pink flowered table cloth with roses and a cinnamon candles sat in the middle as soft music played. The food was delicious, at least it smelled to be. I take her hand as I walk her over kissing it. _"Haley I want to say thank you for everything this last month you've been my rock my anchor, you've been truly amazing, I am so sorry we haven't had a proper date, I want to show you how much I appreciate everything you've done for Brooke and I" "Even more so I want to get to know you, what you're likes dislikes are, how you got to know so much about Leukemia, where you're dreams are leading you" "Nathan slow down"_ She laughed patting my hand " _We have time lets enjoy tonight and will get to know each other"_

" _Did you cook this?_ _It's amazing" "If I say yes will I get a kiss?" "If you say yes and it's a lie you'll get the couch" "No I didn't I asked Karen for some help" "Good boy you learn fast" "I bet it's a secret family recipe Karen is always raving about them" "So when did you met Karen and Lucas?" "When I was around eight I was always trying to escape my crazy big ass family she took me in or as she likes to say I took them in"_

" _Food always comforts me it's something storm and I use to like to share together"_

" _Who's storm?"_

I watched her face as she remembered whoever storm was she must be very special to her. She was smiling as she looked down at her closed hands. Placing my hands over hers I moved closer food now forgotten for a moment at least. Her eyes take on a far away look as she smiled sadly,

" _Storm is my cousin she's my age we grew up best friends, she's from Wilmington. Storm was the only child to my aunt Quinn and Uncle Gavin so she was spoiled fancy private school tennis lessons dance lessons, best clothes. Yet she was always lonely so we would spend every summer together every weekend I loved going there it was quiet compared to my insane house"_

I could see how hurt she was so I moved closer to her wrapping my arm around her shoulders. " _Tell me about Storm Haley what she meant to you, your favorite memory as a kid, I want to know you"_

Haley smiled laying her head on my shoulder as she started to talking. " _There are so many my main one though is when we were like 13 she was in treatment yet she still retained her youth her adventure her love of life we were at the beach and some boys kept making fun of her wig so she ripped it off showing everyone her bald head, they were so shocked they were speechless, so she than grabs a water balloon and pelted them, it started a fight between the two of us and them, water balloons were flying and bursting everyone, we were soaked but we laughed so hard that day we couldn't breathe, best of all we ended up becoming friends with those boys they apologized and asked us out"_

" _She sounds amazing" "She was Nathan oh god she was she could laugh even in the midst of pain, she saw the goodness in everyone even Brooke I use to come home crying after whatever hell Brooke did to me that day she would hold me wipe away my tears and tell me yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose. Brooke's eyes are clouded by popularity and whispered voices. Someday Brooke will see you for how amazing you are once her eyes are unclouded she will see the sun" "She use to tell me that she would see Brooke at the country club and she was always bossing others around, than she would see Brooke's parents she would watch how they diminished their own daughter to their friends to the staff, they made Brooke seem stupid inadequate, worthless and she would see how Brooke would become a shell of her former self. There was one day when she was weak from treatment she couldn't even sit up but Brooke helped her into the pool she helped her swim, she stayed with her a stranger who she didn't know she spent her day making her feel important"_

My heart ached for Haley I didn't even need to ask what she was in treatment for to know it was Leukemia. I don't remember that day and we were always together " _It was summer you were at basketball camp"_ Made sense Basketball camp was from July 10th to August 25th so Brooke spent a lot of time alone in summer till Cheerleading camp. " _So Haley what's your biggest passion in life?" "School I know it's geeky but I want to do well, I need to get out of my house there's no privacy, I want good grades so I can get into a good collage" "That's not stupid it's realistic, it's cool there's more to life than being popular" "Wow seriously Nate that's deep" "_

" _Coming from me? The popular dude I know right hey I try"_

Haley smeared whip cream on my nose as I laughed grabbing her hands she screamed as I tickled her we fought whip cream upon hair, over faces, tears escaping. For at least ten minutes before she collapsed on top of me. I looked into her eyes my hands resting on her lower back. " _May I kiss you?"_

" _You may"_ Our lips connected in pure bliss she tasted like blueberries and whip cream amazing. My hands wandered all over her body as I pulled her closer.

We lay in silence for awhile on the roof looking up at the stars before I ask. " _How is Storm now? Do you still talk?"_ I feel her suck her breath in before she answers softly. " _She died_ _last_ _year Nathan she had Leukemia"_ I felt my whole breath catch Leukemia that's what Brooke has even though I suspected it hearing it the impact hits me harder than I expected. Haley's hands covered mine now " _She had a different form a rarer form, Brooke is not Storm" "_ _It hurts Nathan but I know she's in a better place now, she's free from pain she can laugh run and dance, I bet she's with Katie, Austin and Nora now"_

My heart aches thinking of Katie, Nora and Austin all who lost in the last month. Bringing her to my chest I kiss her checks and face. " _I'm glad I got to have her Nate even if it was only for 14 years she's made me a better person a more compassionate wiser stronger person, she's given me focus that life is short precious so I need to forgive, and chase after what I want" "Everyone we met shapes our lives in one way or another there's a reason we come in contact with them"_

When we returned home we found Quinn and Brooke on the couch painting each others nails as soon as they saw us with flushed faces sweaty palms and grins miles long they started chanting." _Nathan and Haley_ _on a roof_ _k.i.s.s.i.n.g first comes blushing than comes love next comes a baby in Haley's tummy" "Well that's a new twist on an old song" "My mommy always told me I'm very creative"_ Quinn grinned as Haley gasped overing her face, " _No worries Nathan I won't tell Haley you have a small penis" "I do not!"_ I proclaimed causing all three girls to look at each other and shake their heads.

Brooke's humor amazes me yet I couldn't let her get away with that so I chased her as she squealed when I got her I threw her on my bed tickling her; her laughter rung out. I Leaned over her I whispered _"Payback is a bitch bitch so remember that"_ She kissed my check " _I'm a bigger bitch Nathan remember that"_

Peyton came back in the first week of May I was working on some free throws with Lucas in the gym watching as Brooke lead the girls in a series of dance moves, when I saw Peyton come into the gym. All heads turned to gasp as her eyes contacted with Brooke she didn't say a word for a good forty minutes just stood with the rest of the team. Arms crossed as she sighed Brooke took in a deep breath approaching her. " _Peyton you got the arms wrong I know you've been gone but try to keep up" "It's not brain Surgery Brooke" "Good cause I wouldn't trust a flake like you to operate on my brain" "That's saying that you have a brain Brooke, or a heart for that matter" "_ _W_ _hat's with the attitude Peyton? You've been gone for months the least you can do is try to act like you care" "What's with you're life Brooke? Seriously aren't you embarrassed that the most important thing in life is so stupid cheer?" "_ _L_ _ook Peyton I am really sorry for whatever is causing you to be this bitter and bitchy but don't go all Mariah on me, you don't wan to be here fine there's the door" "Fine by me I don't need to be around a two faced lying back stabbing bitch anyway one day though Brooke you're going to wake up and see how pointless this all is" "Stop saying that Peyton" "No because it's true" "What difference does It make if you sleep with the popular guy? Or go to the right party or know the moves to some lame cheer to do at some stupid ass convention? I could care less about?_ Peyton slammed the pom poms into Brooke's face so hard I felt the sting from across court. One look to the coaches and I was across the room with Haley who had taken to sitting in the bleachers studying. Quinn was standing by Brooke the whole time now as Peyton stormed off I heard Quinn call out.

" _You really are the biggest bitch in this school, I never understood why you were a cheerleader you make the most miserable ass cheerleader I ever knew"_ Peyton stopped spinning around storming back over to Brooke who looked shocked confused and scared. Peyton slammed her palm into Brooke's chest. I heard her gasp fear consumed me did she hit her port? Was she bleeding? Would it get infected?Brooke stepped back almost into me as I wrapped my arm over her shoulders glaring at Peyton. " _I did it for her just like I do everything for her! Because it was important to Brooke I suffered through it" "No one asked you to suffer Peyton if you were that unhappy than all you had to do was tell me" "Yeah right like Brooke Davis cares about what anybody else thinks feels or needs?" "What's the suppose to mean?" "What do you think it means dumbass?"_ I had enough I could see how red Brooke was how sweaty dizzy, she was gripping my hand. " _Enough Peyton" "Oh I'm sorry Nathan did I miss the memo are you and Slut Davis hooking up now oh wait you have a dick that's right she's into pussy now oh no wait is she just playing the field and screwing whatever comes her way?" "Screw you Peyton" "No thanks Nathan I'm not that ego testicle that's what you two do" "Seriously whatever it is that you're on take it somewhere else no one wants you're drama here" ""What are you her daddy? She can speak for herself.. oh no maybe she can't since she never bothered to speak to me"_

We were all left speechless as she stormed off. Coach Ally called her girls into the locker room while Coach Durham made us take the court doing laps. I worried for Brooke. Lucas kept telling me I was over killing it yet I had this sinking feeling in my stomach.

By the time we got home I knew I was right to worry Brooke was running a fever she was exhausted and throwing up. She was emotionally spent and not understanding why Peyton was being such a bitch what she meant by Brooke not responding. Haley took her temperature rubbed her back giving her some fever reducer.

" _Nate she's in trouble I can't be certain without lab work but she may be heading for a relapse, we need to find a hospital fast"_

Haley wiggled into my arms as I stood by the counter in the kitchen my heart was beating fast as I listened to the message on my voice mail. Relief and concern flooded through me.

" _Haley I think I found an answer to the hospital and payment"_

" _Oh My god Nathan that's great where is it? When do we leave? How long?"_

" _That's the thing Hales it's not around here"_

" _So where is it?"_

" _Memphis St. Jude's they won't take a dime for her treatment, there'll help us find housing and get us into school, we have to leave tonight though"_

" _Tonight?"_

" _Yeah they want her there asap"_

I saw her face change so many emotions played across her face. I hated this I mean I was so glad Brooke would get the help she needed without having to pay.

I have grown to depend and want Haley around. It wasn't fair to ask her to leave her family friends and school behind to come with me. She had no real commitment to either of us. Not like I did. I had won my suit I was officially emancipated and awarded Brooke's legal guardian. I made a commitment to her to get her the help she needs. I would go anywhere with her. Haley didn't need to do this but deep in my heart I wanted her to say yes.

" _Haley I know we're young I know we barely know each other but I have to do this for Brooke I want to do this for her, however I really like you I really want to make this work, with us. I know it's not fair to ask you to give everything up so I won't, but I will say that if you want to we would love to have you come with us. Haley James I care about you one day I hope to make you my wife."_

I kissed her forehead as I felt her squeeze my hand so many emotions played across her eyes. What was she thinking? How was she feeling? What was she going to say?"


End file.
